Sensitive subject...thoughts?

If the link is tenuous like your OH says then maybe you are overthinking it?

My 1st baby was born asleep and I called her Poppy. My ears prick up any time I hear the name. I'd be a bit confused if a friend wanted to name their baby something too similar, not necessarily upset. I mean, you clearly think of your friend's dead child when you think of that name so does that not put you off anyway?

I'm pregnant with a 2nd girl now and I definitely don't want a P name or a name that sounds too similar to Poppy's name in some way.

My nephew was killed when I found I was expecting my twins. I aksed sis if I could use his name as a middle name for one of mine (regardless of sex). She said she would be pleased as it meant he would be 'kept alive' (her words) in another generation, kind of. Her son was mid 20's.

Just wanted to add that I thought ever long had it right, and op I am pleased you are going to go back to the drawing board with the name.

I also think you are doing the right thing. Xx

I think you are doing the right thing. My dd's name was unusual in these parts and I dread meeting another child with her name but never have yet. Our original choice for a girl was much more common and my SIL inadvertently "stole" it for her dd for her dd three years before we had ours. I'm glad now that she did because I would have encountered lots of them and would have found it difficult to cope with.
I suspect that my cousin may have wanted to use dd's middle name as her own dd's middle name. Her dd was born a year later. But she chose a different middle name and I'm very grateful to her.

I think you are doing the right thing. I don't know how I'd feel if someone used the name/prefix of DS1 but it would be a hard position.

I think you are doing the right thing, OP.

drama that is just awful. I'm so sorry someone said that, how thoughtless.

My aunt had a baby boy who was born with a condition that was incompatible with life and he died within a few hours. My father (her brother) asked if he could use the same name to remember his uncle who had passed away (also had the same name, very popular in our family) when my brother was born, she said it was ok.

I suppose it depends on how you think your friend would take it, if you thought it would upset her then I don't think I could use a name that would stir up those feelings for a friend. I wouldn't want to feel that I had made her grief any more painful that it already is.

If you think she wouldn't make the association then it's probably not worth bringing it to her attention or you risk her making the association.

As someone who lost a baby and was very upset by someone else using his name a year later, I really don't think that you are over thinking it. Do talk to your friend, but obviously be aware that she may get upset. I really struggle hearing our sons name, and still haven't been able to meet the child in the family that was given the same name a year later. On the other hand she may be fine with it, especially if it is similar and bit the same. Hope that helps!

Your baby didn't really count?! What the actual fuck! That is disgusting. So sorry somebody said that.

I had a little boy who was stillborn at 26 weeks. We had a funeral and it was common knowledge what hid name was.
A few months later, the day that I had been due to start maternity leave. A colleague had a baby boy and gave him the same name.
I have to say it hurt a lot, for many reasons. Not helped by other insensitive gits at work saying that I should be happy for her, it isn't an unusual name, my baby didn't really count...
I was extremely upset for a few weeks but eventually I don't now, associate the two together.
I think I would have been ok with just the same prefix though.
Thank you op for considering your friend 's feelings. I wish you lots of luck with your bundle of joy.

I also agree you should not mention it to her. Just cross the name off the list and move on, knowing you've done the kindest thing.

I think if it's anything like Christopher and Christian it isn't really that similar, they are different names.

However, I think I just wouldn't use it. There are thousands of names and it's just not worth potentially hurting a friend - and even if it doesn't occur to her you will still possibly be worrying about it for years to come. You will surely find something else you both like :)

tondelayo

good post

everlong so sorry to hear about your loss

I think it would be kind if you chose another name.

It may not occur to her that the names are related but it has occurred to you and it would always be an association every time you mention your DC in front of her.

It also would be putting her in an awkward and upsetting position if you asked.

There are millions of names but there are few good friends.

tsw so sorry to hear

Having lost a child, I agree about not approaching your friend. Every time I see my son's name or anything relating to it I cry. It's a horrible reminder that other people with that name were lucky & my son wasn't.

If I was asked, I would probably be so shocked that my friend was still eager to use something that will remind me of that that it would take me a while to reply. It isn't even just the name. I cried whenever I saw someone pregnant or with a new baby so naming a new baby something similar will really hit her where it hurts I'm afraid.

Choose the name or don't, but don't put that decision onto your friend.

Personally I think you're over thinking this, but even if your friend thought you were over thinking and didn't mind you using the name, by asking her permission, you are linking the name with her dead child, even if the name is different, iyswim?

everlong

do you read posts all the way?
I stated my opinions but you seemingly ignore everything but what you have a problem with.
It's boring to try to explain anything to anyone that they won't listen to.

OP

good luck with whatever you choose to do, there are different suggestions here.
also good luck with the birth.

and I never said she should be in a position when she is asked about her opinion, because I wouldn't ask.

as I said it is a sweet thought to care for the friend's feelings and wanting to discuss it, but it should be OP and her Dh's decision and not based on whether friend gives permission or not.

I'm not advocating either choice. I get why she feels it is a sensitive issue.

maybe the best option is to use the name as a middle name