Can't agree on a surname!

30 replies

nappyaddict · 11/01/2013 01:23

Me and DP want a baby, however he does not agree that the baby should have both of our surnames.

I see it as both of us passing on our names to be carried on. DP sees it as neither of us passing on our names and the baby having a different surname to us. He says he could understand more if I was arguing for the baby to have just my surname, but I don't want that either!!

Everyone we know IRL thinks I'm weird for wanting the baby to have both of our surnames. They don't understand why I don't want it to have just DP's surname. But then they think you're not properly married if you don't want to change to your DH's surname.

DP doesn't really want me to have both surnames if we get married either. He hates the idea of me not just taking his surname. He says it offends him that I don't want to have his surname but if that's what I want to do then as a compromise he'll agree to that as long as the children can have just his surname.

Fed up of arguing over it, it gets brushed under the carpet for so long and then out it comes again. Really getting me down :( Should I just go with his compromise?

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MrsPoglesWood · 11/01/2013 02:12

Thanks Pink and I agree with everything you said too!

pinkandyellowbutterfly · 11/01/2013 01:58

As an ammendment, I would like to add that I think I was too nice in my earlier post I agree with everything MrsPogglesWood said!!

MrsPoglesWood · 11/01/2013 01:56

And as a keen genealogist I should add that it has been a covention since Victorian times - forgotten now perhaps though - to give children their DM's maiden name as a middle name. I have lots of ancestors called Firstname Jones Smith for example and many of them went on in adulthood to hyphenate both names to appear posher than they were.

Aren't you offended that he expects you to give up your maiden name and not have it recognised in your DC's names?

pinkandyellowbutterfly · 11/01/2013 01:49

No I don't think you should compromise at all, not with your name or your baby's. You're not depriving your baby of having your dads name, you just want to give him yours in addition. Just because its an old tradition soes not give a man automatic right for the child to exclusively have his name, regardless of marrital status. Babies can have any surname you choose, but once registered its pretty much irreversable so my advice is, after carrying your baby for 9 months don't bite your tongue and name baby something you're not ridiculously, blissfully, over-the-moon happy with on account of pleasing other people (I feel so strongly as have a little experience in this area lol).

MrsPoglesWood · 11/01/2013 01:43

No. Tell him to feck off back to the 1950s where he seems to be living anyway!

I've tried to write lots to answer your post but it mostly just ends in me swearing so I gave up. But.. but it offends him that you don't want to take his surname when you marry? Run like the wind love. That alone should tell you all you need to know. Most blokes wouldn't give a monkeys.

Most of my female colleagues have kept their maiden names after marriage for professional reasons. As far as I can tell their DH's haven't spontaneously combusted.

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