Naming new dc after dc that died....

You've obviously been through a very tough time, so sorry to hear that and congratulations on your new little miracle :-) I think the people around you will be just so thrilled for you when the baby is born, that whatever name is right for you will seem like the perfect choice to everybody else too. There is no right or wrong with how you choose to cope with what's happened or how you choose to honour your lost little one. Its totally up to you, be proud and confident with what you decide and no doubt your child will love it too x

I don't think it weird at all; I think it's lovely and if it were me I'd be touched/proud to have it in my name (when I was old enough to understand!). I don't know why really.

I do not understand how it can be a burden on a child as a middle name. As someone else said earlier if the child feels this way there must be other factors involved. Our son will always be our son and part our family so no secrets or surprises as he will always be included when talking about our family dianamics.
Wishing you all the best OP, you go with what is right for your family.

As a middle name, I think it's a lovely idea. I wish you well in you pregnancy.

Similar situation here. My dd has as a middle name the short form/nn of her brother (XP's son) who died as a young adult the week before she was born.

Various people close to me have commented that it may be a 'burden' on her but I don't find it so. She is only 2 so time will tell. She also has another middle name, so the effect is quite diluted.

I like it that she has a link with her brother.

I'm guessing that for most children, learning that they were named after a sibling who passed away is likely to give rise to some confused feelings and be upsetting - after all, it is their identity. So unless you are firm in your commitment to never let anyone else know, I wouldn't do it.

PIL named SIL after their DD1 who died aged 1. (first name, not middle name). It's a beautiful name and it never caused any 'problems'.

I have quite a few friends who have done this. They have used the older siblings first name as the babys middle name. All the children know that they are called after their big sister/brother who died. I wouldn't even think twice about it about it, if its what you want.

I think it is lovely idea and we will be doing exactly the same. We lost our ds 35 weeks into my pregnancy and will be using his first name as our new dc middle name. We didn't even consider it not being the right thing to do. Actually I have many angel mummy friends who have/ will do the same so not an unusual thing to do ime.

Argh I just read your post properly! DUH sorry... Definitely a lovely idea! Sorry for being an idiot

I think it's a lovely idea in theory, but I think in practice I'd worry that new DC would be "not passed away DC" every time the name was used, if you know what I mean? It's a nice way of remembering the DC you lost, but I reckon your new DC deserves his own name. Maybe you could have it as a middle name?

So sorry about your baby OP. I am currently pregnant with DC4. I miscarried last year and if this baby is a girl she will have the first and middle name we would have used for DS3 or the miscarried baby. If this baby is a boy he will have the middle name we originally chose for our miscarried baby but we have chosen a new first name.

My friend did that, I think it's lovely.

I think this is the kind of decision which is so deeply personal that it is impossible for anyone to advise usefully.

As to how the child will feel about it later- well, that I think depends on the wider relationship and how secure that child is. In some families the child would feel like second best and in some families feel like they were the most precious and honoured person in the world to have been given that name. And if a child feels second best to a sibling, deceased or otherwise, that is because of other more important factors, NOT the name they were given.

Missy, that sounds lovely, as does your DS.
It is such a personal choice, naming your child, isn't it? Personally, I feel there is a huge difference between a first and a middle name, too tbh.

I think as a middle name it's fine. You might find this article interesting: www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/18/replacement-child-sister-accident

my DS3's middle name is the name we had chosen for the baby I miscarried. If anyone asked, I just told them that's who we named him after - not an issue I don't think.
Good luck!

I'm so sorry that you lost your baby OP. Such a personal decision and I think that only you can decide what feels right for you and your family. Try not to worry about how you think other people might react and follow your instincts maybe? Especially if the name that you had chosen is not common knowledge it would be up to you who you shared the information with?

My DD1 passed away at three days old. DS1 has the male variant of her name as his middle name. I did hesitate over this at the time but, now, I'm glad I did it. I hope that like sallyanny's son, he will be proud of having this connection with his big sister.

Personally, I would not ever use DD1's name as a first name for another child. To my mind, it is HER name and I would no more use it again then I would give two living children the same first name iykwim? Perhaps would consider using her middle name again if I am ever lucky enough to be blessed with a DD3?

Pacific I assure you that there is nothing morbid about my sons middle name being his brothers name.

My son loves the fact he was named in his brothers memory and loves the fact that they share that bond although they have never met.

Its a celebration of my sons life and acknowledgement that, yes, he was here (albeit for a short time) and that he isn't anything to be ashamed of or hidden away and forgotton about.

My DS says that he is glad he has his brothers name because he doesn't have his brother here.

I also hope I don't offend but I think it is a bit odd for siblings born after another sibling has died. They have never met this person but will be born into a family that will always be mourning that child. It is entirely possible to manage that sensibly.

However, giving the same name will mean a lot more to everyone else than your child themselves and might make them feel a bit awkward.

I lost a cousin, and the child they had afterwards was given a middle name meaning 'life'. Coudl you do something like that instead.

Oh no, awful x-post with aprilrain, I am sorry! Really sorry .

I hope I won't offend you or anybody else with what I am about to say.
Here goes:

If you gave a new baby the same name as a deceased sibling, I mean a child who lived, but subsequently died, I would find that rather morbid.
However, using an important family name that was intended for a much hoped for child that never was, for a new baby I find rather touching. Does that make any sense?

Honouring the memory of any other late family member by using their name again I also like, provided it is a name you like too. We talked about using DH late father's name for our PFB, but didn't, as DH did not like it. FiL was a lovely man, not blessed with a nice name.

My DH has the same first name as his older brother who died at 2 days old. Nobody in their family thinks its odd. You should use the name - it's actually a lovely way to celebrate the memory of your other baby.

Is there a slightly different spelling of the same name that you could use so that it is both in memory but also the new baby's "own" name if that makes sense?

My OH and I both lost adult brothers with the same name (My husband's many years before we met, when my OH was a young teen himself) When my son was born - we wanted to honour them both but there was an alternative spelling of the name and that's the one we used. Both brothers coincidentally had the same spelling.

You do what you are comfortable doing.

I have lost several pregnancies, but have never been in your position as we had never decided on a name yet by the time I had a miscarriage (mine were all before 12 weeks).

Personally, I don't think it would be 'weird', but like HoratiaWinwood said right at the start of the thread, it depends on how you present it. 'I've named you after the baby we lost' would just be too awful for words; to give a name that means a lot to you is lovely.