Would you agree to a middle name you hated if it mattered to your DP?

you have both got to really like a name

One of my son's has a middle name I would never have picked. But it was important to DP to use this family name.

It's not his first name ( which I suggested) and now it's rarely referred to and doesn't bother me.

I do like the fact our children have middle names that are family names.

I have two middle names and there's never enough room to write the second one on forms. So I mostly just miss it off. It's my grandma's middle name and she loves that I have it too. Idon't tell her that I've mostly abandoned it.

I refused to give my son his dad's sir name as I knew we weren't going to end up together (he cheated A LOT while I was pregnant) but to be fair to him I allowed our son to have my ex's surename as his middle. (Charles it works) I didn't like it n have never had to use it since registering his birth n him at the doctors so it's all good. Just do it for an easy life.

OP - you put your middle name on a lot of official documents, but don't use it unless you want to for every day, and if you know all your friends' middle names that might be because you are sensitive about your name and more likely to have had conversations about it/asked what the "L" in their middle innital was for/noticed when you've seen an official document and remembered it etc. I would say of my closest 5 friends I don't know their middle names.

I have two middle names and official documents only ever use the first one. Apart from the bank who just use the two middle initials. Guy on the phone at the bank asked me what. The Z stood for as he was curious so it obviously wasn't on their system even though the Z is the first of the two middle names.
I would use two middle names and stick it second

I agreed to a suggestion of DH's for DD's middle name that I was a bit surprised by at first - but not one I hated. When he told me the reasons he liked it I thought they were quite cute, and warmed to the idea quite a bit. So we went for it ! Whoever comes up with a name suggestion it's nice if, to some extent, all names given to DC's can feel like a joint choice. I think it's good and quite generous - quite right too - of your DH to say you don't have to go with his suggestion if you really hate the name. Seems like you have a good relationship, which ultimately matters even more than the names chosen. ie. it's the process that matters too, as well as the outcome !

Im finding it a little difficult to understand why this is causing you so much distress at this stage. Youre not pregnant and if you are lucky enough to get to the stage of having a baby theres a 50% chance it will be a girl. For now I would focus on conceiving and reducing unnecessary stress levels. And if the biggest problem you have throughout conception, pregnancy and childbirth is disliking a potential middle name for a potential boy, then count yourself very blessed.

When we were trying to choose a boy's name for what turned out to be DD, we agreed on DH's GF's name. Obviously we didn't use it, but DH has since commented that he wouldn't want to use it on a DS if we had one now as he hadn't really appreciated quite how DD would turn out to be herself and therefore deserved her own name rather than a recycled one.

My DM's name is Doris, and at 86 she has always hated it with a passion, and is known by a short form. She threatened to kill me if I used it for DD .

I do not think either of you should agree to a name you don't like. We had a baby name book (no internet in those days) and both of us drew up short lists. The first lists had no names in common. We then made two more lists. One name then came up on both lists and that's the one we chose. Her second name was my first name.

I see you are not pregnant yet - other names may occur to you in the meantime. Don't sweat it now, give it more thought when you are pregnant or even leave it until the baby is born. You have 42 days from the birth in which to register a baby's name.

Tee hee that's funny. Some of them are our family names which is why I thought of them.

See, although I think giving most of those (except perhaps Freddie) as a first name would be condemning the child to a hellish school life, I don't think any of them is particularly exceptionable as a second middle name.

James Alexander Cecil Smith - it will be absolutely blatantly obvious that Cecil is a family name. Alternatively, wait for a girl and give middle name Cecilia.

Given that the OP has experience of living with a middle name that she hates I don't think it is unreasonable at all that she doesn't want to do the same thing to her child. Names are really important in my book.

OP I'm glad your dh has agreed not to use the name. Personally I think it is very important that both parents are 100% happy about all the names they give to their children.

My sister has an awful middle name (together with two fairly mainstream names) which she has totally dropped but it still causes her pain whenever it has to be used (for example at her wedding). I'm not sure what my parents were thinking of to be honest.

Both my children have middle names I don't particularly like at face value. But they were chosen in honour of much-loved relatives, and I am of the school of thought that thinks that's what middle names are for. When people hear what their middle names are, they often ask 'Is that a family name?' and when I explain who they are named after the response is always 'Oh how lovely'.

I don't give a flying fart if someone in a passport office somewhere thinks they are unpleasant/old fashioned.

It sounds like you'd already made up your mind before you posted, anyhow.

If you have two middle names you don't use them remotely often unless you're in certain legal fields where every single document has your middle names on although one uses one's initials far more often.

I use my middle name so infrequently that I think it sounds weird with my married surname. I use my brother's (family) middle name so infrequently I forgot what it was and had to be reminded.

There is a hideous family name that I would feel obliged to use should we have a DC3. It would utterly out me as I've never heard it outside the family. If yours is less identifying than that, could you give us a list of similar names including it, to see how ugly or otherwise we think it? You might garner suggestions for modernisations too.

eg

Cecil
Ernest
Frederick
Francis
Maurice

Unless it is positively bully- worthy, then you are mean to stop him using it.

The other thing is, no matter how much you love your chosen name, when you make the announcement a lot of people will secretly dislike it. There is no point naming a child because you are worried what other people think (unless yu are calling him John Thomas or Richard head or something)

Hopefully his grandad had a middle name you like and can compromise on and then it won't be an issue!

I call my son his first and middle name, not all the time, but often.

I would concentrate on having the baby first and perhaps maturing a little.

Jess - seriously think of 10 people you know and now think of their middle names?

They just aren't really used at all in day to day life.

But its up to both of you what you call your child but I personally wouldn't worry too much about a middle name. My DD has the same middle name as my mother and grandmother - its a nice name but not amazing but I chose it because of the family connection.

*used

It's not using verbally though, in every day living, I think that's what other posters are getting at, OP.