Which would you choose? Dilemma.

I'd choose first name! Just cause that's what they get called all the time and would affect them much more than the surname. I have the same surname as my mum and tbh it made NO difference, except people often call my dad by the same surname as me and me by the same as my dads.

I'd choose for them to have my surname.Your DH sounds like a nice guy and I can't imagine him choosing a name unless you both like it if he has been so open-minded about this.I sort of have a different surname from my kids some of the time,I kept my maiden name professionally and on lots of other things like passport & banks as it was easier.So when we travel I am Ms X and the kids are Master Y and I would prefer it if we were all X or Y.Schools seem pretty good at learning all the right surnames for everyone and trying to work out the relationships if parents & kids have different names though but it's nice not to have to explain.

" I can't empathise with single women who automatically let their partners give the children their surname. "

or single men who automatically let their partners give the children their surname? or is it just female parents that matter?

i agree, why cant the DH change his surname?

Why not her DH change his name to hers?

I wanted all of us the have the same surname so changed my name when married and changed by DS's surname (DH adopted him). Obviously our biological children have gone on to have the same surname.

I would not in a million years have tolerated having a different name to my children. I can't empathise with single women who automatically let their partners give the children their surname.

If I was you I would change my name to your DH's, give your kids his surname and pick the first name.

The OP is married.

I wouldn't be happy with either option because I think it's important that parents choose names for their children together.

Santa

Lets face it, the vast majority of the time its the mother who looks after the children after a split and thats why I would advise any unmarried mum to give her child her surname.

I'm entitled to my opinion aswell as everyone else is!

A mother's surname is usually the surname of her father so we are back to names of forefathers as opposed to foremothers even if a mother's name is the surname.

I don't think the apportioning of surname and first name choices is a good way to do this. What if you have a second child? Will a second child have the same surname as the first?

Better to either double barrel or pick a name out of a hat for the surname and stick with that for all subsequent babies too, and for the first (and middle names) write a list of 20 first names each, from which you both get to veto 8, leaving 12 each to work with. Ground rules are no differently spelled versions of same name (Isobel/Isabelle) and no names of ex girlfriends or boyfriends perhaps?

If you have the choice, choose the first name and let DH choose the surname. Hopefully the name you choose will 'go' with the surname he chooses but you can sound out the two choices with first names and see what appeals to you.

Op i would prefer to choose the first name as there is far more freedom. when choosing a surname you are really restricted to A or B and whereas with first names you can really go crazy (if you want)

jemma according to your logic all children should have their mother's surname whether married or not incase their parent's split up.

and also why should a father not think about how he would feel if he ends up as a single parent and the child doesn't have his name?

children have two parents.

Why is that - as a mark of possession?

I think a child should have their dad's surname personally

Well presumably you like your surname. My maiden name was awful, so I couldn't wait to change it when I married, and am really pleased the DCs have DH's surname.

Otherwise I would go with my surname....but then DH has some awful ideas about first names.....

I really like having the same surname as my DC.

My friend gave her first born her surname, and her second born her DP's surname (although officially both names are on BC), then they spit up shortly after the third DC was born, and although third DC also officially has both names, he has only ever been known by her surname. Did you follow that?

Ilikered, startail and beckie90

It's a fact of life that many couples unfortunately do split up , many don't of course . However, I'm being realistic and trying to give the best advice .

Oh , and its being very naive of someone to say that they know for a fact that their partner won't do a disappearing act on their children !
I know of women who used to say that smugly , guess what happened .

NO ONE can foresee the future !

Purple "DS has both of our surnames but not double barrelled - rather in the Spanish way where one is like a middle name."

My friend has this its nice. Its on the Passport and birth cert as

Baby Middle Surname Surname but she is known generally as Baby Surname but its passing down the name all the same if thats important to you.

Although yes gemma is right and people do dissapear out of there children's life I think the OP would be pretty sure if her husband is capable of that or not.

My 2 ds's have there farthers surname were still together and I know for a fact he would never dissapear on our children so I chose to give them his surname, I don't mind that my name is not the same as theres I'm still there mum and a surname dusnt change that and we are planning on marrying any how. I had my farthers surname before my mum n dad married so thats just how I thought it should be for me personally.

I would want to pick the child's first name, but thats just me x

I'd go with choosing the name and plopping in my surname too.

But my surname is not that important to me.

I also didn't change my name when I got married. DS has both of our surnames but not double barrelled - rather in the Spanish way where one is like a middle name. I would honestly just try to agree on a first name - it took most of the pregnancy for DH and I to agree on one, but we got there!

Of course, the disadvantage is that DH now has 4 names as we also wanted a middle name, but I figure he'll manage!

I agree with Gemma and roughty. It happened to one of my friends, dad did a disappearing act totally out of the blue and the fact that her and dd had different surnames, caused problems. Eventually she changed it by deed poll but it cost her a fair bit to do it.
I'd pick surname and then suggest loads of names you love to make him think he thought of the first name

Surname. And I think Jemma is a realist!

My DS has my surname.

London elf - that's what we did.

I say - depends what the surnames are :)

I wouldn't be in your position as it was very important to me that everyone has the same surname, so I changed mine when we got married. The reason it was so important was that I spent a large proportion of my childhood not sharing a surname with either of my parents so that, along with the divorce and remarriages, meant that I have deep associations between having different surnames and a lack of 'belonging'. BTW, I specifically changed mine because I had a horrible surname for which I was teased and he had a lovely normal one; if it had been the other way round, I would have insisted he changed to mine
I'm also pretty uncomfortable with only one parent choosing a name that the other potentially dislikes. Are there really no names that you both like?!

So, which would you choose for your baby - first name or surname? What would you see as the pros and cons of each option?

Have you read "we have to talk about Kevin"?

I'd choose surname, but if you have another will they have the same name?

I would choose surname.