SIL and baby name

Don't many names have lots of variations....like, Rayan, Rayaun, Rhyan, Rhyne, Ryane, Ryein, Ryen, Ryian, Ryiann, Ryien, Ryin, Ryne, Rynn, Ryon, Ryuan, Ryun, Ryyan. Could you just use another spelling, or and old/new version of it? I just googled 'name variations of Ryan' and got all these.

Ive had my chosen name 'stolen' by an in-law. Im just going with a slightly more unique version of it if I have a boy.

Use the name. She sounds awful.

Tell her that you've been planning to use this name, so she can do whatever she wants. And then, when you have your DS, you use the name you want. I don't see that big a deal for 2 cousins to have the same name (if there's reason for that).

(I'd be more concerned about my DH wanting to avoid a fight with SIL at all costs, as that would make things hard for you).

I agree your sil sounds some what crazy and very selfish expecting you to put your plans for a family on hold because of her.

I do think it would of been best if you or your dh had said at the time about your long standing plans to use the name, it might of even put her off using it feeling it too connected to you, if i were you i would or have dh talk to her asap, she may still use it. We have had a couple of similar occurences with my sil, we had choosen a name and we were discussing our choices together the name we chose didn't come up with them and they told us the names they had choosen and then when the baby was born they named dc the name we mentioned, now i know we don't own the name or have any rights to it and it is very possible that they did like the name and was keeping it under wraps but i think it would of been better if she had of said that it was a name they were considering too as when they mentioned the name they had choosen for a ds first name i said straight away that should we have a boy that we had chose it as a middle name to honour a member of my dh family.

I wouldn't be put off using it as a mn, alot of people honour loved ones in a dc's mn.

If MIL is reasonable, she might have to be enlisted in this - couldyou say to her you are worried, SIL has mentioned she'll use X name, like your Dad/grandfather/whoever it is who's the youngest with that name. Then say that it's been 7 generations in your family that have given that name to the first born boy and you're going to be under tremendous pressure from your family to use it. You and DH had already agreed you would as to not do would cause a huge row in your family, but you can't help thinking SIL will be annoyed if you both call your first born boys the same name. You might be able to get away with just using it as a middle name, but that your family will call the baby by that name, so it could cause problems...

Hopefully she'll mention to SIL that if she picks that name you will end up with boys the same name as you can't go with another name.

Just use it anyway.

Perhaps your DH is a bit "anything for a quiet life" as far as SIL is concerned. It sounds like your MIL is quite sensible. Could you explain to her about the history of the name, and enlist her support with the nutty SIL?

I really think your DH needs to tell her now though, then at least she is forewarned and can choose another name if she wants to... I'd be a bit annoyed if you sat on that bit of info then called your baby the same name tbh.

What a loop! She's high maintenance, but clearly your DH & his family have enabled this... time for it to stop. I'm relieved that your DH told her not to be so silly re the trying to conceive - but honestly, he should have spoken up about the name at the time 'Oh that's a co-incidence! If we have a boy we are going to use that name as it's been in RuckNRoll's family for 7 generations - cousins sharing a name, that could be nice couldn't it :)' and yes, I'm well aware that she would have had a strop, but that's tough. She needs to grow the fuck up.

Good lord..your SIL sounds well annoying, precious or what!

No advice really, just keep on TTC.

They live 7hrs away, while I can see that it might be an issue if they lived 5 doors away, GP were likely to look after them both and then they were going to the same school with the same surname, under your circumstances the chances of confussion are minimal except for shared grandparents. I would use it, but make it clear that if they have a boy too you have no issue with them using same name.

I think before ours were born we did have some anxieties as to whether BIL/SIL would 'take' our names, as it is they haven't had any children yet, and even if they called them the same it wouldn't distract from our children with that name, as our children are now unique personalities in their own right rather than 'a name and a bump'.

And as for telling you not to ttc........!!!!!!!!!!???

We have a family name too, and there is one boy in each family of cousins with the name as a middle name. Middle names the same is a nice bonding thing for cousins, I think. Certainly in our family there is a Robert Club with 7 extant members so far.

she told you to stop ttcing whilst she is pregnant, oh lord i would just be ignoring her! and what mrsdevere said, she is a wise lady

I would have laughed at her if she'd demanded that we stop TTC. Who the hell does she think she is? Looks like you could take some advice from the Relationships forum on here

MT

Use it if you want or don't use it if you don't. That's really not the issue here. You need to be more assertive with her.

Had she told me I couldn't use a name I would have said straight away that I will do what I please and if she had then gone on to tell me to stop ttc I would have told her to "F" off.

No one can tell you what you should and should not be doing in your relationship nor do they have any say in what you will call your child. She just doesn't want you stealing her limelight.

If it's been in your family for 7 generations, could you keep talking about your dad/uncle with the name, ideally focussing on the 'older bloke' aspect of it - keep saying how it'll always make you think of your dad, get her to meet him etc. It might put her off if it's associated with a person... (precious types are like that)

What a mare!! Who's to say what gender their baby will be. If the name is important to you, then use it. And do carry on TTC!

Good luck x
MammaT

Not really family politics.
This is someone who thinks you should use contraception until she has had her baby.
Family politics makes that sound normal.
The only way to deal with totally unreasonable people is to ignore their demands.
They will simple replace the one you conceed to with another.

PS Good luck ttc -and use the name if she hasn't by then, or as a middle name if she has. I would say if she does have a boy and does use it you ought to reconcile it to middle name territory just to avoid confusion and so DP's parents (assuming one or more is alive/ around) don't have two grandchildren with the same first name.

Close in age, even

She sounds like a nightmare, frankly. Telling you to stop ttc? How ridiculious! Would she and her DP have stopped trying if you'd announced a pregnancy? Surely it would be lovely to have cousins close in she anyway? except it would probably mean you having to hang out with your bonkers sil some more

In the case of a 7-generation family name, you need to say immediately the name is mentioned "Lovely. I'll definitely be using that as it goes back for 7 generations an no other name could ever mean so much to us"

You need to say similar now after the event - get DH to tell her perhaps? But remember, she may use it anyway.