Baby name "tactics"

Mind you, DP and I are both pretty strong-minded about this kind of thing and if we have picked a name, we have picked it and we don't give a stuff if anyone else uses them because we will use them anyway.

Tell them. It will be a weight off your mind.

Badgerina - In your parent's shoes I would have used the name anyway and if your Dad's brother and his wife had said anything, I would have responded by reminding them that we had told them the name we were going to use and we haven't changed our minds. So if you don't like it, tough luck.

I have never really understand why people feel the name to blab everything about their pregnancy and naming of their child (until the baby is born). Why not just keep it to yourself ? Why make an issue out of it by mentioning it after the 20 week scan? You open yourself up to a whole can of worms.

I wouldn't play games or think tactically. Just be honest. As your pregnancies are so close together I'd have a chat with your bro and sis-in-law and talk names. It seems like the most sensible thing to do.

There are of course, many variances which will influence this: babes of different gender and/or completely different tastes!

FWIW, it took DH and I 9 months to conceive DD1 and 2 years (including 6 Clomid cycles) to conceive DD2, so I'm quite attuned what this much-longed for pregnancy must mean to you. Try not to take anything personally ?if? there's an issue with the soon-to-be-born cousin's names :) But I'm firmly on Team Minipie :)

If you have your heart 'set' on the names you have chosen then I would have a honest chat to them - especially if you have chosen something like a name of a great grandparent - thinking old man/lady trend that is still popular.

I say this from my own experience, my BIL and SIL had their DS1 2 years before us but DH & I had already picked our potential childrens names. BIL announced they were calling their DS, Elliot, and my DH told them that we always like the name Wilfred after their late Grandad - cue them thinking 'What a lovely idea' and they changed their DS name to Wilfred!!!

Still annoying after 10 years!

If you're really worried, speak to them. Tell them the names you've chosen, and that way, if you're unlucky and they've chosen the same name, you can sort it out, between you, before the babies are born.

Worst case scenario, they've picked the same name. In which case, either of you "getting in first" by announcing the name could cause ill-feeling. So discuss it. Would one of you abbreviate it, and one not? Do either of you have other names you really like? (Middle names, name planned for second child??) You could still both use it.

I know cousins with the same name, step sisters with the same name and parents who give their kids their name (I've always though that last one a bit odd and too confusing, but it's their decision).

Chances are, they'll like different names anyway.

We didn't tell anyone until they were born. I think it highly unlikely they would have the same one-unless you bring it to mind.

To be honest, even if you do decide a name and announce it at the 20 week scan, you'll look a bit daft once your baby arrives and you both decide 'actually he doesn't really suit that name now that we've seen him'. Some things are sometimes better kept to yourselves.

I totally agree with girlgonemild's brilliant idea of announcing the name to the whole family after the 20wk scan. Then if they wanted that name, they'll mention it right then and you'll have to discuss it (ie they will get it because their baby will be born first). But if they don't say they had also decided on that name then you're golden and worry-free!

Agree with you there othersideofchannel. That's the logical way of looking at it.

I wouldn't say anything. Given how many thousands of names there are, it seems very unlikely that your bil will choose the exact same name as you're considering anyway.

Best to say nothing, IMO. If you say something it could end up getting ugly later on.

Haven't read all the replies but in my opinion you cannot 'reserve' a name. Let your SIL and her dh choose the name want for their child. If your baby is born afterwards, choose another name! There are thousands of lovely names to choose from.

I had my DS a month before my brother and his wife had theirs. We all kept our names a secret until the births, but had had many conversations about whether we had picked any out. Once DB and SIL had chosen a name (while we were still deciding from our short list ) I asked them for the initial so we could make sure there wasn't a match. There wasn't, but had there been I would have happily crossed it off ur short list.

I never considered this as a huge problem, and it was all done happily and with no hint of ill feeling.

Just start up the conversation of baby names and the chances of you both liking the same ones. No need for secrecy or waiting for scans etc. after all - their 20 week scan will be coming first!

Oooh I wouldn't mention the names. Chances are you will either have different sexes or they won't use yours. And if they do, you know what, you probably won't want to use it anyway. Because it will become the name of their baby if you know what I mean.

I understand the fear though. My SIL is having a baby in January and I am not even pregnant and I am terrified they may use one of our baby names. And our tastes (I suspect) are completely different so there is virtually no chance they will choose one of "my" names. But if they do, there are plenty of other names out there to choose from.

If you're close, a conversation about the name you've chosen after your 20 week scan should be fine and will get the point across.

DH and I have friends (very close friends) who are due about 2 months after us. We've discussed names openly, and there is an understanding about the names we've all chosen (ie they're OURS). It's fine

HOWEVER, my Mum and Dad did this with my Dad's twin brother and his wife, who were due 6 weeks BEFORE them (both expecting boys). Mum and Dad mentioned the name they had picked out for my brother after the scan, and My Dad's bro and wife used the name when their baby was born! It has caused a lot of bitterness (that of course has never been discussed because my family are fucked up )

Ha ha, when I saw the thread title I thought you might have been suggesting tactics as a name!

Like others have mentioned we also referred to ds by name after the 20 week scan.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

I think you should let go of the idea that you can truly have 'dibs' on a name, whether you chose it when you first met or first TTC. Maybe your SIL also had name discussions years ago and has hers pick out too.

All you can do it wait until your scan, hopefully find out the sex, and if you are certain of the name then announce it properly to everyone then.

When your SIL has her scan soon, she may or may not do the same, and you will just have to cross-fingers that she does not have the same names as you do.

I do understand your predicament though, one of our favourite names is fairly common (top 20) but so far no one in our immediate or wider circle has used it, and I have been a bit nervous that someone might steal it from under me! But I also accept that if that happened there are other nice names out there and it really is not the be all and end all of having a baby.

We were in a similar position, so once DH and I had agreed that they really were our definite boy and girl choices we made sure all in the family knew that if it was a boy they would be XXX and if they were a girl they would be YYY.

Basically, we called dibs on the names. They could have chosen the names if they really wanted but they knew we had already decided and announced so they would have had to be sure we would change our plans if they used one of 'our' names.

Don't just mention it in passing, if you really don't want them to use those names tell everybody!!

Here's what you can do.....when I had my scan, the scanographer (or whatever the word is) typed my baby's name so it appeared on the print out right next to his picture. You could ask the scan person to do that and then show your SIL the scan and maybe point out the name and say how nice it was they did that for you....

They might have already decided as well, though.

I just don't see what the purpose is of telling them the names, if it's not going to affect your choice or theirs?