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Baby names

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Original poster

Can she really 'reserve' a name?

73 replies

PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 11:47

Sorry this is kind of similar to another thread but it is a BIT different as the person in question isn't pregnant! I'm 25 weeks with my first baby and we don't know the sex. We're still only at the shortlist stage of names but when we visited DH's family my SIL came straight out and said 'You can't use Xxxx it's what I'm naming our baby.' (Which was a really odd thing for her to say as ever since she got married almost 2 years ago she has been v open about the fact that isn't ready yet and isn't going to get pg, etc.)

Of course, the name she mentioned was one we're considering. At first I didn't think much of it and just thought well, if we decide we want it we'll use it anyway as we're first. But this has apparently come up a couple more times when DH has been there without me. I'm starting to think she is serious and I still really like the name!

Would you use it or strike it off the list?

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RobinSparkles · 25/03/2012 16:45

No, she can't!

When I was pg with my first, I knew I was having a girl and we were discussing names with family. I said, "I quite like X" and my SIL, who was 16 at the time, gasped and said, " you can't use that because I'm using it for mine!"

I gave her a Hmm look and said:

A, you're 16 and not likely to have a baby for years, by the time you do you will probably have changed your mind.

B, you might have all boys and not use it anyway!

C, I'm pregnant now and get first dibs so tough! Grin

I can't even remember what name it was now! I think it might be DD1's middle name so SIL can still use it if she wants to. She's nearly 22 now but still unlikely that she'll have a baby in the near future!

Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:44

Crikey Maryz that is bad. Under those circumstances I think I'd change the name even if I loved it.

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Maryz · 25/03/2012 16:33

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Maryz · 25/03/2012 16:30

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Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:30

That was a joke obviously. It's far more mundane than that! This whole experience has completely put me off discussing names actually. We've got a really strong favourite girl's name and NO WAY am I revealing to anyone what that is now!

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Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:28

Atticus Grin

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Eggrules · 25/03/2012 16:27

Then keep it on your list.

It is ok to say you don't want to discuss names.

LeeCoakley · 25/03/2012 16:23

You must tell us the name and we can judge whether it's worth pursuing.

Ephiny · 25/03/2012 16:22

Of course she can't 'reserve' a name Hmm

I'd just use it if you like it. It's surely not the end of the world if she ends up using it as well in the future - though it's all very hypothetical, she may never even have a son, or she might well have changed her mind by then!

manicinsomniac · 25/03/2012 16:22

I think she's being ridiculous and you have the right to call your child whatever you like.

But I'd take it off the list anyway - mainly because I'd be worried that she wouldn't believe it was on the short list and think that it was chosen out of spite.

Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:22

LeeCoakley I can assure you that if the situation was reversed it's something I would never have done to begin with!

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 25/03/2012 16:21

Tell her you are not now using the name as you have heard that it is in fact rather chavvy

Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:20

Eggrules, no there isn't a reason behind it - I hasten to add that if this was a family name with special meaning to her, I would have dropped it straight away with no problem. It's just a name she likes.

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LeeCoakley · 25/03/2012 16:19

There's millions of names out there! Use it for a middle name if you must. Reverse the situations and tell me you wouldn't be miffed. Grin

kickassangel · 25/03/2012 16:18

Once you have your dc and name them, all other names just seem wrong. So what happens in the future is very unlikely to upset you Smile

CalamityKate · 25/03/2012 16:17

Oh FGS use it!!

Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 16:16

I think you're right and I'm edging towards just leaving it - after all, if this was another name that I liked and my DH hated I'd have to accept that.

But I do resent this a bit. She's a bit 'everything's about me' anyway and it doesn't surprise me at all that she's managed to edge her way into a decision of ours that ought to be nothing to do with her.

She seems to want everything both ways - she's so vocal about the fact that they aren't going to have a family yet as she's so focused on her career, yet when we decide to, she suddenly has hugely strong feelings about baby names!!

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Eggrules · 25/03/2012 16:15

My BF and sister both did the name veto thing before ttc and neither used the names concerned. BF had boys and sister picked a totally different name.

Keep it on your list and see how you feel when the baby is born.

Do they just like the name or is there a reason behind her wanting it?

HandMadeTail · 25/03/2012 16:01

My DH and I were going to have a boy called Roger and a girl called Pheobe. Then Friends came along and we didn't want to use Pheobe, anymore. And when DS finally came along, we picked a different name entirely. So IMO she is U to want to reserve a name.

But there are thousands of lovely names. Why insist on using "hers".

MadameChinLegs · 25/03/2012 15:59

I think then, PCD, that you sound like you could handle not using it better than she could handle you using it, so it may be worth taking it off your list then.

Original poster
PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 15:53

Thanks for all replies, interesting.

Very wise post further up from MamaChinLegs!

If I used it and she then fell pg with a boy down the line, I'm sure she would make her feelings known on the subject of names. I suppose I have to acknowledge there's a chance she would be pissed off that we 'took' the name and we'd have to live with that. However I do think she ought to wait to be pissed off until this scenario actually arises!

If I don't use it and she later has a boy - tbh I'd like to think I'd be over this by then and be completely used to whatever my DC was named, so by that point I don't think I would care as I'd have accepted my decision.

If I don't use it and she never has a boy - difficult to say as it'll be years into the future until we know this for sure! Again, I imagine it would be water under the bridge by then.

OP posts:
BeattieBow · 25/03/2012 14:16

my sil did this to me - she told me that I couldn't use the name Alice, even though she wasn't pregnant.

i was quite cross, but didn't use the name (wasn't on our shortlist tbh!), and then she bloody didn't use it anyway!

Bucharest · 25/03/2012 14:11

She's a fuckwit and I'd use the name now even if I hated it.

When I was pg with dd I was informed the same by my Mum's friend's daughter Hmmwho I haven't seen since she was about 10 and who wasn't pregnant at the time. Weirdfuck.

Sluttybuttons · 25/03/2012 14:09

Playing devils advocate here, but do you maybe want the name more now since she has said she wants it? I know when i was pregnant i really loved a name almost because i couldnt use it (does that make sense?). It was the name of my cat that had died and i knew there was no way i could use it which made me want it even more.

trixymalixy · 25/03/2012 13:29

The first thing a friend said to me when I was pregnant was "you can't call it xxx if it's a boy, I bagsie it", she wasn't pregnant. It happened to be my top boy's name. We did have a DS but DH didn't like the name anyway, so we didn't use it.

She then had a boy and didn't use the name in the end!!

Another friend was due at the same time as me and tried to bagsie our top girl's name, which we had chosen as it was DH's Gran's name. She thankfully gave birth first and had a boy, but imagine if I had given birth first and not named my DD our favourite name and then she had never used it?

IMO you should just name your child whatever you like as your SIL may never have kids, or the sex that the name in question is, or never even use the name. And anyway it is not really a massive deal to have two children called the same name.

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