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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

baby names - starting arguments with OH

44 replies

smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 14:52

Hey everyone, I need help. I have my heart set on a name for our daughter (due in 8 weeks) that my OH did support back when we thought we were having a boy. Now we know it's a girl he says he doesn't like it.

I want to call her Fern, he thinks it's a frumpy name and wants something 'pretty' like Elle or Elsie. I've spent hours looking through potential names and have found a few I like (I don't want one that ends in 'a' or 'ie/y') but none as much as Fern.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it and resolve the situation. I can't help feeling like: she get's his last name and I'm going through the agony of labour, surely I should get the final say Confused

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SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:20

As for the surname. If you have agreed that your baby gets his, and you don't mind this then there is no issue. If there is a issue then you need to tell him this and come to a agreement. Some one I know has given their ds both surnames and it works nicely.
I think everyone I know (apart from the above) has given their children the fathers name. Either because they felt it was traditional, are intending on getting married on day, or are married.

IMO the surname is no where near as important as first name.

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 17:19

ooh, sparky what were they?

Doha · 22/02/2012 17:18

My names for DC3 both boy name and girl name my DH really disliked as did most of my family. So in the end we waited to see what "it " lookes like when born.
Her name which we picked minutes after she was born suits her to a T

SparkySparrow · 22/02/2012 17:14

Basically I think what other people have said.

Start again and make a list of names you both like! If he really hates it that much then its not fair to guilt trip him into anything.
I would have hated it if dh had made me give ds a name I really didn't like. I would have not got used to it and would have resented dh for it!
I had my children's names picked out since I was 14. Dh didn't like either of them so we went back to the drawing board, eventually we found a name we both liked.
Compromise is the name of the game!

PopcornBiscuit · 22/02/2012 17:05

You need a name you're both happy with. I think you should go back to the drawing board :)

3boysgirlontheway · 22/02/2012 16:59

Well our baby girl is due in less than 2 weeks and I had my heart set on a name for quite a while, however, my husband actively disliked it. The last name she was getting wasn't really an issue, her first name is more important to me. We debated it over a long time, and well in the end we found a name we both liked. I would not like to call my DD a name my husband does not like, and equally I don't want to call her something I don't like. We did that old chestnut, compromised!

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 15:29

I think it's time to put the surname issue back on the table.

Him wanting the children to have his name doesn't mean he gets that.

His name is no more important than yours.

Why did you give up a traditional naming tradition from your family at his insistence?

I would have made the use of his surname conditional on your family being recognised in that way. You still should.

Why do you let him push you around so much?

twooter · 22/02/2012 15:10

I think you're being unfair. I would hate to dislike the name of my dc, and if your dp does, then you need to find a compromise rather than win him round.

nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 15:07

so you're basically just a vessel then

Original poster
smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 15:06

He wants our children to have his surname, I agreed to that a long time ago. He vetoed my wish for her to have the same 2 first initials that the women in my family have always had, I agreed to that. He wanted to know the sex of the baby, I gave in to that to make him happy. I feel like I'm at the end of my conciliatory rope :)

OP posts:
nickelDorritt · 22/02/2012 15:04

my q is the same as seeker's - why is she getting his last name?

I wouldn't entertain that with his opinion on how you get to name the DC.
he won't let you choose a first name, tell him he can bob if he thinks he's going to choose the last name too

seeker · 22/02/2012 15:02

Why is she getting his last name?

fluffygal · 22/02/2012 15:01

It doesn't matter what we think of the name anyway, but if your OH is adamant and you can't guilt trip convince him into agreeing with you then I think Blx's idea of a both writing a list is a good one.

Beamae · 22/02/2012 14:59

It's a gorgeous name!

AThingInYourLife · 22/02/2012 14:58

Why is she getting his surname?

Faverolles · 22/02/2012 14:57

I think both parents have to agree. If one name is strongly vetoed by one, both should find another they are both happy with.

Blx2thelotofem · 22/02/2012 14:56

Can you both write a list of your Top 5 names and see if you can find at least one you both like?

Original poster
smerf2377 · 22/02/2012 14:54

Not necessarily; I know it's not popular and a lot of people will probably say they don't like it. I want advice on how to deal with coming to an agreement on a name with other half

OP posts:
Blx2thelotofem · 22/02/2012 14:53

Do you want our honest opinions on the name Fern?