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Baby names

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Original poster

Etiquette for using family names

34 replies

scotjls · 22/01/2012 15:24

My husband and I are bickering about middle names if we have a boy. I really like the idea of using my dad's christian name as a middle name. It's a nice name and it means a wee bit of my family gets passed on, since all of our children will carry his family surname. Husband insists that we can't use my dad's name without offending his dad, so he says we should use either both dad's christian names (2 middle names), or neither. His dad is not especially sensitive and I cannot imagine anyone getting upset because their name wasn't used and someone else's was. Husband also thinks my argument that all our children will carry his surname is invalid, because it's not 'personal'.

Does anyone have any opinions or similar experiences? Thanks.

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Seona1973 · 22/01/2012 16:01

my dd has my mum's first name as a middle name and ds has FIL's first name as his middle name

4madboys · 22/01/2012 15:55

my ds1 has two middle names, my dad and dp's dad. i had always wanted to give a boy my dads name as a middle name, and dp's dad died just before i got preg with ds1 so it seemed a nice way to remember him. my ds1 is Theodore David William, and then he has a double barrelled surname! but it sounds really nice and we like it. bizarrely my mil doesnt like middle names at all, so her two children didnt have one and she doesnt see why we gave them to ours, i thought she might like her grandson having her husbands name as a middle name, but she doesnt as she doesnt believe in middle names Hmm

if both names sound ok then just do that and like you say your dh's dads name is also your dads middle name!

GlueSticksEverywhere · 22/01/2012 15:51

My siblings have 2 middle names each and I only have 1 (my dad forgot the other one when he was registering me!). I actually really like 2!

And yes having his family name is very significant. Although if John is also your dads name then that makes you even again!

Original poster
scotjls · 22/01/2012 15:42

Thanks all.

I do like my dad's name. Hubby's dad's name is John which is hard to have a strong feeling about either way! Coincidentally my dad's middle name is also John so in a way using both names is still a strong nod to my dad! I'd just prefer to have only one middle name.

We had a granny on either side with the same name, and it was one we loved so we used that for my daughter's christian name. I think my hubby just has the whole 'equal weighting' thing out of proportion. And the fact all of our children carry his family name is significant!

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 22/01/2012 15:36

I think 2 middle names would be fine as long as though go together. It's a good point you make about the dcs getting their dads surname. I hadn't thought of it like that before. It does sound to me like your DH is being a bit childish about it.

Dee03 · 22/01/2012 15:35

Ds1 has got my dad and granddads names as middle names, ds2 has got xh and his dads names as middle names and ds3 (different dad) has got his dad and granddad names as middle names!! Smile

LittlePandaBear · 22/01/2012 15:32

There's not a clear cut answer, but my sister decided to use our Dad's first name and her FIL's first name as middle names for her DS. She also wanted to carry through something from our family as we have no brothers to carry our miaden name through. I think she didn't want to offend her FIL by only having one of their names.

To be honest it is a bit of a mouthful and doesn't go with the first name and surname as the middle names have the same initial, but then the full name is rarely used all together so I guess she thought the sentiment was more important than the actual names.

Do you actually like the names, do they go with your chosen first name?

We haven't used any family names for our DD so no one can be offended (or everyone can be offended Grin)

Catsmamma · 22/01/2012 15:28

we were lucky in that ds1 middle name is/was on both sides already, totally why it was picked!

and ds1 was the first gc on both sides.

MerryMarigold · 22/01/2012 15:28

We gave our first ds my grandmother's maiden name as his middle name. He and his family didn't mind. My grandmother gave us some money to buy our house, so we wanted it to be remembered. Plus it is a pretty cool name. My dsis gave her dd her grandmother's middle name as her dd's middle name, no fuss there either. It was a name she liked and her dh liked before the fact it was a family name. I think your dh is being a bit precious, but if it's going to upset him...how about the next baby gets his mum or dad's name as a middle name?