Etiquette for using family names

Count yourself lucky it's John on the cards, OP. DH wants any future DS to have FIL's name as an mn -Keith!

We decided to use my dad's name as a middle name. Rationale was that our son was already carrying his father's line through his surname!

Still, that saddles us with a Lawrence for the second son as there's no excuse this time!

I can actually see your husband's point. I would have both.

DS just has my dad's as a mn.

For a future girl we've chosen DH's grandmother's name, with a form of my mom's for the middle.

My dd has my stepfather's surname as her middle name. It's a name that works as a girls name, and he died whilst I was pregnant and was an all round bloody good chap, so I wanted a way of connecting her and him.

Very sadly, my mum has also died since then so I guess my next child will get her name as a middle name, boy or girl!

My dd has family names and they are balanced. She is named after dh's paternal grandmother and my maternal grandmother. dh wanted his gran's name, I liked the name (and her, she was a funny old bird) and then thought that it would be nice to honour my favourite grandmother too, and as we both liked that name and it worked we went for it.

Ironically neither dh's father nor my mother were pleased!

ds is named after a historical figure that dh and I think its very cool and then his middle name though went well with it. If dd had been the ds we were expecting none of the names we were planning had family significance either.

I think that parents shoudl primarily pick names they like.

DS's middle name is my dad's and was DH's late grandad's on his mum's side. We both really liked the name anyway, and it was lovely that it meant we could honour someone on both sides of the family. Would like to use another family name for any future DC's middle name, but don't think we'll be lucky enough to find one we like that's on both sides again. Really don't think anyone will be offended though as no-one in either of our families is like that (as far as I know!)

BTW FIl wasn't at all put out that his first name wasn't used. Think he was really pleased that his surname was being passed on, and this was something that was very important to DH's other grandad - was the first of his 16 great-grandchildren to share his surname.

All three of mine have three names plus surnames. They are all family names from both sides of the family. My first has the name of a beloved family member and both fathers name. The other two are grandfather, greatgrandfathers, uncles, great uncles, cousins names etc. My third's first name is actually his great, great grandmothers surname.

Our babies are having my husbands surname so middle names from my family.

Your DH is talking crap. Tell him you're prepared to use his DF's first name and your DF's surname. How would that go down?

What is it with blokes and the obsession to have their DF's name given to their DS? Neither DP or I were in any rush to give DS either of their names. As much as we love our DF's they are bloody awful names. And DN didn't get either name from her GMs. Just choose the names you like. You don't have to give them anyone else's name.

Ds1 has dh's grandfathers' names (they had the same nzme). Not a deliberate choice, just the name we liked best, and quite a common name.
Ds2 has my late FIL's name. Deliberate choice. He was a very special man who died at a very young age. It is a quite unusual name, and this once has caused a lot or problems with my family who took great offence at us favouring dh's family etc.

We used both grandads' names for DS's middle names. My middle names are my 2 grandmas so it seemed natural. We put my dad first as I thought it nice that it then made the end part DH's dad's actual name. IYSWIM?

Eldest is Family Friend, My Dad/Grandad and Husband's Uncle
youngest is FIL, Husband's grandad, my other grandad

We covered all bases, I reckon!

You say that his dad is not especially sensitive, so just ask him if he minds you calling the sprog after your dad. He'll almost certainly say he doesn't mind, so then there'll be nothing to stop you. Simples.

Luckily my dad's name is the same as DH's name, and also the name of the place DH is from, so easy one for DS1's middle name.

My friend has triplets - all boys - so they were able to use both grandfathers' first names and also the dad's first name as middle names, all at once! - Problem solved!

I feel that since the surname is Dp's surname (thro my gritted teeth!) & the first name is a joint decision, the middle names are frankly my territory. Two middle names, one is my surname, the other is my mother's name.

DS has my maiden name as his middle name and DD when born will have my mums name as her middle name. PIL are going to have to live with it. I offered DH the opportunity of using his grans name for DD but he declined so if he isn't bothered about traditions of using his families name then why should I be? Also as a previous poster says their surname is being used as my children have their dads surname as do I.

i took the view that since we all had FIL's surname and one's based on his nationality it was reasonable for us to use my fathers name and not FIL's christian name (which was pretty boring and actually his middle name, his first one being awful). I think this is around balance and one family not expecting to take over.....ie 5 names from FIL in our family seemed more than enough

I told DH, my dad and his dad that because DH and fil surname was getting passed on and I was the last ever person with my surname...

If it was a boy the MN would be my dads name or granddads name and that was that.

I also made it clear that I hate two MN

As a compromise DH got to pick first name of first child

The etiquette in my world is:

Pick names that you actually like.

If people get huffy about their name not being used, that's their problem, they need to get a grip.

In France it's tradition (with first born of either sex anyway) to give the names of both, ie for a son, give both grand-father's names and for a daughter, both grand-mother's names.

I didn't like this, but it's tradition, and when in Rome, etc so we did it for DD, they don't go together, but hey ho - it's not like she actually gets called her full name apart ever and equally full initials are rarely used here in France. And the more I think about it, the more I like it- for a girl anyway - she is carrying her female heritage with her in addition to the male line surname.

Ds's first name is my grandad's and middle name is my dad's. I don't know if DH's family are offended, and frankly I'm not bothered. They don't have any names we would liked to have used.

I really wouldn't be naming my child to 'please' someone.

Your dc are already getting a name from his father - their surname.

Fil gets offended over every slight thing, it wouldn't occur to even him to get wound up over this one I suspect!

but she doesnt as she doesnt believe in middle names

I find that so weird!

Just give the lad 2 middle names to keep your DH happy.
But I do think your DH is being daft.
DC variously have middle & forenames after one of DH's uncles, my dad, one of DH's grannies: Lots of other grandparents & uncles & even great-grandies still alive, they don't seem to mind being left out.