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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

'Stealing' DP's eldest DS's middle name.... Thoughts please???

34 replies

Cactus76 · 06/01/2012 16:12

DP has two boys from a previous marriage. We are expecting our first child together (don't know if is a boy or girl) at the beginning of March. We both REALLY like his DS1's (age 6) middle name. If it hadn't already been used, it would definitely be top of my boys' names list.

DP thinks we should use the name and that it would be totally ok. I feel odd about it as it seems to me that the name belongs to DS1 even though it is only his middle name. I am also concerned about the reaction from is ex and her side of the family, not that we ever see each other....

What are your thoughts? Is it weird to steal/hijack his son's middle name? Or am I just over thinking it?

Thank you!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NorksAreMessy · 07/01/2012 07:39

Call the boy Henry instead.
There we are. Job done

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:26

One of our first choices was taken by my brother and we thought it would be too confusing to have cousins a few months apart with the same name. Lots of people have similar problems-just keep looking.

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:25

All names are always a compromise-on my own all 3 would have had different names.

Original poster

Cactus76 · 07/01/2012 04:07

Thanks for all of your feedback. Most of you seem to agree with me that it might be odd.

Frustratingly, the name was top of my list when I had my first DS, but my ex-DH totally and utterly vetoed it. I would prefer it if DP had used the name as his DS's first name, so that I could completely delete it from my thoughts....

We have discussed talking to DP's ex to see how she feels. She might not give a monkeys or might feel really strongly that we shouldn't. With regard to discussing it with DP's DS, he is only 6 and is also on the autistic spectrum and is struggling to understand the concept of baby at all (bless him, he thinks that it lives in his own tummy and has no understanding of my own rapidly expanding girth). The abstract concept of sharing his middle name would be too much for him to get his head around. I'm not sure he will ever feel that strongly about the idea as it is not a tangible concept. Not that I would use this a reason to go ahead and use the name......

Grrrrr, I know that there are SO many boys names out there to choose from, but I am genuinely struggling to find another one I like. I have trawled the MN posts endlessly for inspiration and draw a blank every time!

OP posts:

pranma · 06/01/2012 21:15

When dh and I married I was in my early 40s and widowed we would have liked a child together and had at least one 'ooh I might be' moment and we discussed names.Dh's eldest son is named after dh but uses a shortened form [as does dh]I love the name and suggested the full name for a potential new ds.Dss went berserk!!he was 19 and you would think we had suggested disowning him and cuttig off all contact.We quickly withdrew the suggestion.Your dss may grow up to harbour resentment and he will need a lot of help anyway to feel completely comfortable with a new brother.

LanceCorporalBoiledEgg · 06/01/2012 20:32

I think your DHs ex will think you're being terribly unoriginal. And she may be upset by it. Your step DS may be upset by it too.

And there are hundreds and thousands of other names out there that you could pick instead....you must like some others surely?

LondonMumsie · 06/01/2012 20:21

I have half, step and adopted siblings. I think this would be a terrible idea, sorry.

exoticfruits · 06/01/2012 19:20

My DSs are half brothers and I wouldn't dream of using a name that had been used already.
Names are generally a compromise-just find another.

mercibucket · 06/01/2012 19:17

if they were full brothers, that would be one thing, and imo a bit weird but probably wouldn't cause too much bad feeling, but for a half-brother, smacks far too much of 'new and improved' ds (from pov of your dh's existing ds). of course that might not be the case - you'd have to ask him and see what he thought

crystalglasses · 06/01/2012 19:15

wrong, not 'rong'

crystalglasses · 06/01/2012 19:15

I can't see anything rong with it. I wanted to give your dd1 my sil's name but my dh wouldn't hear of it. I still can't understand why

exoticfruits · 06/01/2012 19:12

I don't think that either will like sharing a name when they are brothers -not when they are old enough to understand.

AmberLeaf · 06/01/2012 18:54

Utterly wrong!.......and a bit weird TBH.

peggyblackett · 06/01/2012 18:49

That's exactly it Rilla. I would have been gutted if a half sib had been given my middle name. Please don't do it OP - at 6 your dss is not old enough to understand why relationships break down, and people go onto have more dcs, but old enough to worry that a half sib will replace them in your DPs affections (obviously thats not the case, but he won't understand that).

RillaBlythe · 06/01/2012 18:34

It makes me think of replacing. DS version 2, new & improved.

peggyblackett · 06/01/2012 18:30

I wouldn't do it (speaking as someone with step and half sibs).

wilkos · 06/01/2012 18:26

good god, out of all the names potentially available it has to be the one that is current ds's middle name??

FWIW my dss has a middle name (william) that I would sooo have used for our ds as it was my grandads name. But dss got it first. A bit disappointing but its HIS name and not something I felt I could hijack for our ds. I thought it was a bit disrespectful to dss somehow.

just choose another and save yourself any grief

diddl · 06/01/2012 18:22

Maybe I´m odd, but with siblings I don´t see it as a tribute-more couldn´t be bothered to think of 2 original names for the younger one.

rachel234 · 06/01/2012 18:18

Not a good idea imo. Give your new child his OWN name.

diddl · 06/01/2012 18:17

But he´s only 6, he might not like the idea of a "tribute".

Plus, it would be brothers with the same name-that seems odd to me.

Tributes are usually a generation away.

startail · 06/01/2012 18:10

Oakmaiden has just had exactly the same thought as me.
Either DSS will be flattered or he'll hate the idea. Ask him.

letmehelp · 06/01/2012 18:07

That's my point diddl, it would be a tribute to the existing son - it's his middle name OP wants to use, so her DH won't end up with 2 DSs with the same name -that I agree would be odd.

Oakmaiden · 06/01/2012 18:07

Why doesn't the husband ask his son what he would think about the idea? He may think it is a great idea to have a new brother with his middle name - in which case all good. Or he might hate the idea, in which case don't do it...

diddl · 06/01/2012 18:03

"Isn't it generally considered a tribute to use a family name?"

Perhaps, but OP´s husband already has a son with that name.

letmehelp · 06/01/2012 17:53

Isn't it generally considered a tribute to use a family name? e.g DH's middle name is his Grandfather's name, my middle name is the same as my mum's, DS1 has my father's name for a middle name etc. It probably is more unusual when the children are the same generation, but not necessarily wrong. Could it be "sold" as your DS being named after his older brother.?

I agree with others that if there's the slighted chance the older boy's mother will be upset by it, it's best to avoid it though. Could your DH ask her how she'd feel about it?

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