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Baby names

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Original poster

Middle name dilemma

57 replies

Taffybird · 07/08/2011 15:55

DH and I rather surprisingly settled on our imminent arrival's first name very easily, with virtually no squabbling. However, middle names are turning out to be a nightmare. He is absolutely hell-bent on giving her his grandma's name. As much as I liked his grandma and I know how much it means to him, I really hate the name.

The nature of our arguments is to go on for days until I give in out of sheer exhaustion, which has been the case with this. But as a conciliatory gesture he has suggested that I choose her another middle name, and he has promised not to contest it. Now, of course, I can't decide.

The agreed first name, which is (almost) definite, is Lucy.
The grandma's name is Barbara.

The prospective additional names I am considering are Elizabeth or Marianne (spot the Jane Austen fan!)

My concern is that both of these would make her full name rather a mouthful, but I can't think of any shorter names that I like, except possibly Elise, but I'm not sure it works with the other two names.

So I'm looking for opinions on all possible permutations...and maybe even the possibility of gracefully declining the offer of a third name and having just Barbara for a middle name. I will never accept that it doesn't mean "Carry on Camping" to everyone in the world except him, but how often does a person really use their middle name?

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bamboostalks · 07/08/2011 16:33

Do not roll over and saddle this poor baby with Barbara. Both the Babs I know hate their name. Just because he wants it does not mean you do not negoiate. Even pulling 2 names from a hat would be fairer. He sounds a bully tbh. Is he? Has this Granny given him a kidney or a million quid? My beloved Granny was called Myra Gay. Am I compelled by this to name my dd Myra Gay. Er no I love her too much.

whostolemyname · 07/08/2011 16:32

Oh dear, how difficult. I think I would just have Lucy Barbara. But Lucy Barbara Elise is nice too I think. Its nice that her wants to honour his nan in this way I think.

BikeRunSki · 07/08/2011 16:32

I have 2 middle names, both with family connections (one is my paternal grandmother's name, one is a place where my father lived for a long time abroad). They don't flow that well, but I LOVE the reasons for my names, and have never considered my name awkward or clunky. I would accept you fate and go with Barbara, or maybe see if you can find an acceptable variation on it. Babette? Bea? But then, that is not naming your DD after DH's grandma.

(Or try something along these lines. I was just pg when DH's grandma died earlier this year. I assumed that this baby (it is a DD) would be named after her, but DH said "Why? I only ever called her Grandma".

I realise that Bea is usually an abbreviation of Beatrice, but I do know a Barbara/Bea.

Actually, I don't think Barbara is that bad, and I certainly don't automatically think of CoC when I hear the name.

Crosshair · 07/08/2011 16:26

Doesnt Barbara have a middle name thats more sutible? or maybe ask her on advice name wise so she's still included as a compromise?

SaffronCake · 07/08/2011 16:25

I just can't get over the way you've been bullied into submission. In my oppinion you should automatically hold the casting vote because you were pregnant and gave birth and I think pretty poorly of him as a man for not behaving with more dignity. All I can say is go back and tell him that you're not going to cave into bullying and it's got nothing to do with wether the name is amazing or appalling, it's the dual principle firstly that in a relationship you don't batter people until they can no longer resist and secondly that in a respectful society of course Mum's earned the last word, or at the very least there is equality.

Original poster
Taffybird · 07/08/2011 16:23

I know. It doesn't go at all... but sadly Barbara is the one name I can't change because DH absolutely will not budge. If only I could get him to abandon the idea of a middle name altogether, but then he'd give up Lucy before he gives up Barbara.

I need to work out how to arrange the names I do like with Barbara. I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible to make it sound acceptable. I've had many tearful moments over it and I feel awful for giving my poor, helpless little girl who's done nothing to deserve it such an awful name, but if I can sort of disguise it a bit in amongst some nicer names maybe one day she'll forgive me!

OP posts:
Crosshair · 07/08/2011 16:06

I dont use my middle name if I can avoid it. We both agreed not to bother for our baby.

I like Elise, not keen on Barbara it doesnt flow well with Lucy imo.