Are we being mean not telling anyone our names?

I make the face quite alot at my MIL...

Don't blame you at all.

I've had the face pulling from my mum and MIL on different names DP and I have mulled over this time round. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from when I had DD1 but no, I'm still lousy at keeping my mouth shut

In fairness DP told his mum we liked the name William for a boy to which she said "oh no! Not another one! My dad was called William! There's loads in the family!" yes that's the fucking point. DP wants to name baby after his grandad, who he loved very much. There is plenty through out the family tree, mine too actually but I bet quite a few british families have aleast one William in their family tree somewhere.

We then got tonnes of really "helpful" suggestions of less "dull" names like Sam, Finn, Joseph, Matthew, DP's own name . And then ofcourse girl's names were picked over and the suggestions for a girl were: Caitlin, Rebecca, Jessica, SIL's name...

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those names she suggested btw, but I fail to see how any of them are any more original or less "dull" than William

I can't believe a gran would just refuse to call a child their name??? u must be a very understanding person! I know some people don't get it but I would love to have a name that is kind of unique to my child in the sense that there are not loads around (not totally crazy) There are loads of lovely names in the top 20 but having had a common name and forever being known by name and second initial I like the idea of a bit more unique. Also I think its lovely to tell everyone when baby is here!

I'm in two minds about this one.

We are due our bub v. soon and haven't told anyone at all our names. Partly it's because we don't know the sex and we want to keep it all a nice surprise but it's also due to the whole catsbumface thing (ha ha!). People are so opnionated it's pathetic. People also need to realise that you will call your baby what YOU want to call him/her - and their input isn't welcome. I feel myself tense up every time someone makes a suggestion!

Now there is a flip side to this that others have mentioned - I know so many people who have recently had/are due to have babies and unfortunately 'our' name for a boy has been used by a couple of friends of friends. Every time it's happened it's really upset me and in a way I wish we had have set out our stall from the beginning so to speak and said what we had chosen for each, so people don't think we've copied (immature for people to imply that I know but I have a few so-called friends who will say this to take the shine off things - but stuff them!).

It's fine to keep the names a secret until the baby arrives :)

Turn it into a guess the name sweepstake, let FIL run it and then you "can't possibly tell anyone close to you (mum/MIL) which names we are considering, as otherwise that's an unfair advantage".

I think it's silly and precious to refuse to tell people the name you are going to give your kid.

I seriously do not get it.

Phooey on everyone else. Your baby. Your name. Your decision.

You're not being mean at all. They should just drop it, it's obvious you don't want to tell them yet. But TBH it would have been easier if you had just said you hadn't chosen a name yet.

We didn't want to tell anyone before DS was born for the same reasons that quasi gave so we said we hadn't decided yet. We still joined in with all the baby name chats but kept it vague. My sister even bought us a book of baby names for Christmas and we all had a fun afternoon discussing possible names.

Why don't you just give MIL a fake name to shut her up?

If you are anyone of my good pregnant friends, yes you are mean and being deliberately awkward!!! You know I will love your choice.

If you're really thick skinned - go on and tell. Fine not to but don't expect the really rude people you tried to avoid telling before not to express their views anyway, after it's done and dusted. Some people just can't help themselves.

LOL SE, when I went for a scan at 20 weeks my eldest asked the MW doing the scan if we were having a Peppa or a Smelly. Almost glad we're having a girl just for that alone! We're just managing to convince her now that whilst Peppa might be a cute nickname we need to give her a proper name too.

We didn't tell anyone prior to DD1 being born but those who kept asking were given a series of names that rhyme with our surname i.e. Neil Peel. It didn't take long for the nosy ones to realise we really had no intention of telling - we had a top three and DH chose the one that DD1 looked like .

DD2 we had chosen a name but DD1 was old enough to add her, ridiculous, suggestions which thwarted even the most hardy of name-pushers...

Name-pusher: Oooh, what do you think your new baby will be called?
DD1: Curtains if it's a girl. Poo-Poo Head if it's a boy.
Name-pusher:
DD1: No, those are actually the names. I think Poo-Poo Head Surname sounds perfect. Don't you?
Name-pusher: Hmm...urgh...I'll get my coat.

Just tell them you aren't deciding until the baby is here - you have a shortlist and will let them know as soon as you have decided. End of.

tehe yes totally in the same boat - i don't want anyone to steal mine so im not telling! I also agree that everyone has an opinion and are much less likely to be mean and force their opinion on you when there is a cute little baby!

Why should you have to tell people and potentially spend 4 months being told all the possible nasty nicknames and all the bad people with that name? Why can't people wait and find out when the name is given to the child? It does more harm to the choices to tell when doubt is put in your head than having to wait to hear.

Definately don't tell anyone. We knew our DD's sex and had picked a name but didn't tell anyone. It meant people couldn't buy us lots of pink stuff or make comments about names.

Also agree with quasi. Don't tell anyone, this is your decision. You'll always get at least one comment that will be negative or trying to influence you.

No one will dare to pull a catbumsface (great expression, will have to use this in the future) when you tell people once the baby is born, they will just have to accept the name. They will then bitch about it to other people, but never to your face. We always get the earful from MIL about how she hates the name BIL and SIL have given their DD, but she would never ever say that to them!

And don't give in to emotional blackmail. MIL actually once said to me something in the line of 'We want a good relationship with our grandchild, so it should have a name we like using...' . Which is complete rubbish, they adore all their grandchildren, including the one with the name they hate!

I agree with you quasi

Also, I just don't understand people who want to know the name of the baby before its born! I love the surprise of finding out the sex and the name of other peoples babies.

We have already chosen the name that we like and are not telling people.

The reason for this is not because we are being precious or worried about others using it but purely because we dont want to deal with the face pulling or alternative suggestions when people dont like it.

It is the name that me and DP have chosen and we are not really bothered whether others like it or not so would rather not have to respond to negative comments.

I believe rightly or wrongly that people will probably be less inclined to pass comment once they have been introduced to the baby as XXX IYSWIM.

As others have said, it does come across as precious when my SIL people say we know but were not telling, it's very ner ner ne ner ne.
I don't see the harm in saying we quite like x,y & z.

DH and I didn't have a clue for DC3 so when people asked we'd list about 20 different names, in fact he was one choice when he was first born and we changed our minds after about half an hour.

FWIW, I think you're being completely and unnecessarily precious. Why on earth can't you tell her the names you're thinking of? If you change your mind you change your mind. You're giong to have to tell them when it's born so why not before? I really don't understand your reasons.

I don't not discuss it because I'm precious, it's usually because I don't know! Even when we have a list of names we don't know 100% which name it will be until they're here. We've done better with middle names than we have with first names.