Choosing the same name as a friend's baby?

This came up in conversation with my mum, as I was put off a name that friend had used. My mum didnt see the problem, and said that one of her friends called her daughter same name as me, about 6 months after I was born.

The name was probably top 50 at the time, and my mum didnt mind in the slightest. Apparently friend said to my mum, I hope you dont mind but I've always like the name ..... too.

I think it probably depends how close you are to friend, I have four very close friends, and would never use their daughters names for instance.

OP I have been in this situation and I think the trick is that as soon, and I mean with your next breath, that they mention the name you wanted you immediately reply 'oh thats lovely, we love that name too and that is what we've decided on'.

It immediately says that its a great name, but you had already decided on it, you are not copying. If you say it with confidence, as a fait accompli then there is nothing they can say really - unless they are very rude. If they are still pg and they really, really have an issue with your babies having the same name then they can think of another!!

I had a name in mind for my first which was very special to me, my late mothers name, and there was no way I was going to change it or feel bad for using by anyone else. As it turns out a friend I saw a lot of at the time wanted to use the same name, I did what I described above and it worked out fine, she ended up using another name though I'll never know if it was because she didn't want the same as us. In any case, I hardly see her now so it makes no difference at all. The key is in the confidence, if you speak to the other mum about it remember that you are not 'asking permission', the choice is still yours.

As it turns out, I have since met and now see a lot of a friend whose DD has the same name as my DD and it doesn't matter in the slightest. They are just 'big xxx' and 'little xxx' when they are together.

my DD is 7 nearly 8 months old. i had a cousin and a friends pregant at the same time
i had DD in may, my cousin then had her DD in august, she gave her DD middle name same as my DD as she wanted to use it too, but used my DD middle name as first name, it was my great grandmothers name on my paternal side so no connection to her, but she liked it. in the meantime the camerons named there child same name as did 3 of the 5 5 pregnant friends 2 of which live in the same street (them not me)and i have known from school. my DD wil always get her full title as my son does, but many of them shorten already and one uses her DD middle name as she now prefers it. i personally would never have done it, and didnt deliberatly mention it when pregant as a family member used a name i loved and meant a lot to me as she had aher son early... i didnt make a comment although my grandmother did as she knew why i had chosen the name!
like others have said i would discuss it if you really like a name or possibly keep the one you do like to yourself incase you 'inspire' soemone else to use it!

I have to agree with those here who say that they would not choose the same name. My SIL recently had a little girl and we were so relieved when she chose a name that wasn't on 'our' list. I would have deliberately chosen a different name.

In my case though we have no strong reasons for choosing a name so it would just be preference. If you do have a strong family connection to a name it may be better to say early on, and then leave your friends with the dilemma of whether they can copy the name.

Part of the difficulty we have had in choosing a name has been making sure that it's not the name of any of our friends, friends' children, ex-partners etc etc - soon narrows down the field! But I know many people would not be as concerned.

Would you really want your child to have the same name as your friend's child? There are so, so many gorgeous names out there...

OP Have you discussed it with the friends when you meet up? Maybe see what everyone thinks in the group. You won't be the only one worrying about this.
All in all though, it doesn't matter at all, if you love a name, use it. Your babies will all be unique even if they share a name! good luck

If someone's petty enough to quibble over names are they really a good friend anyway?

My DS has a very popular name and recently I've heard of quite a few friends of friends using the same name - doesn't bother me really as it is very popular. If it were a close friend or family member, however, I would be very upset!!

I like a boy's name that one of my friends has used for her DS's middle name. She considered it a first name for a while, but then used it as a middle - I was made up because I love it as a first. But still worry that she might be bothered if I used it, what do you think?

Also, I have my heart set on a girl name, which DH actually agrees on. It is THE name for us. However, I realised the other day that SIL and BIL had this name planned had their DS been a girl. I think I'd have to pretend I didn't remember this! And I'd be gutted if they have a girl before us and use it! Even though I shouldn't be!

No-one owns names. Your child will live with the name for the rest of their life. You might lose touch with the antenatal group/friends in a few years (some one moves house, children go to different schools etc. Name your child for life, not just for now.

NO don't do it. There are so many names out there, no need. Although I'd be annoyed if a friend used the name I wanted.

It honestly wouldn't bother me one bit - and I have 2 children with names outside the top 20. I'd be flattered to be honest!

Another big NO from me. There are millions of names out there, why use one that belongs to someone else already...

I'd never give it much thought in the past tbh and thought it really wouldn't bother me...

But I've just been told only yesterday by my DP sister that her pregnant best friend wants to name her baby (if a boy) the same as our DS. Apparently she has always loved the name ( classic name, always in top 20 but don't actually know any myself) and wouldve used it anyway.

DP sister thinks it's weird and would get confusing ( nephew and possible godson) We don't actually socialise together or are close to her ourselves but have known her for years.

I don't know how I feel but I know it doesn't feel right with me somehow but can't explain why or what it is. I think maybe it's that DS is the only baby I know ( Inc nursery) with that name and it makes him special. Don't think I'm making much sense but it doesn't sit right with me.
Hoping she has a girl

( sorry for essay)

I think it depends too on the friend and the friendship. If she doesn't mind, fair enough. If she's going to take offence and/or make a drama out of it, it mightn't be worth it...

Agree that it depends on how unusual the name is. Although if you both love the same name, why not!

I am pregnant with DC2 and one of our favourite boys' names is the same as the name of the second child of one of my antenatal class friends from my first child so quite similar to you (although we haven't all had Number 2 quite so close together as your group!).

The name is a Top 20 (but not top 10) name. DD would probably have been called it if she was a boy, so we had already picked it before I met this friend. I am still regularly in touch with her, but it's such a normal / common name that I would have no qualms at all using it for this baby (if it's a boy).

It was a bit weird when my two closest friends from school married men with very similar, but fairly unusual surnames (think Smith and Smyth but more unusual), and changed their names to their husbands, both had girls (about 2 years apart) and both called their girls the same name.

So the little girls are (for example) Emma Smyth and Emma Smith. Mrs Smith did check with Mrs Smyth (who'd had the first Emma) whether she'd mind, and she said she wouldn't, but it was hard for her to say she would! They do live quite a long way apart, so it's not as if the children will be in the same school or anything.

I wouldn't do it myself if it was a close friend

I had a group of friends from a ante natal group and I was last but one to have their baby. The lady before me had her baby and gave him the name DH and I had chosen. It never crossed my mind to change it and we aren't in touch now so if I had it would have been pointless. The babies were just known as Little Freddie and Big Freddie.

Agree that it depends upon the name and the friendship. Is this something that you know is going to happen? If so, can you talk to the person concerned?

I wouldn't have done,, but loads of people will say 'nobody owns a name'. That's true of course but it can still cause some bad feeling and/or confusion.

SO my instinct would be to avoid using a name that somebody in your circle had just used. I think if about three years have passed, it becomes less potentially awkward though.

If you copy somebody within months of their baby, then it looks like you've no imagination, but if you use the same name a good few years on, imo, it looks like after much thought you still really like the name, and by that stage you know so many people with young children that it's getting hard to pick one you both agree on that hasn't been 'taken'.

Difficult one this.

We had a girl's name picked out from before even trying to get pregnant (my grandmother's name). Was pregnant for the first time at the same time as a friend expecting her first (about a week apart). They openly discussed names whereas we preferred to keep names secret, and by about 12 weeks had settled on the same girl's name or a particular boy'sname. We just hoped that we weren't both having a girl. At 20 week scans, both girls! They immediately started using "our" girl's name when referring to their baby.

DH and I seriously discussed using another name. It was particluarly annoying because it would always look as though we copied them. In the end, we opted for DH emailing the husband (they were friends first anyway) and explaining that they had great taste in names as we'd already picked the same one and that it was a family name. I do'nt know what they thought but to us their reaction was only positive. And actually we see them very infrequently these days, so I'm glad I didn't give up a very dear family name that I love.

Upshot is, names are a minefield and - even if someone doesn't say that they have a name in mind - you never know when that decision was made anyway. Go with what you are happy with and try not to let it spoil things for you. Once the babies are born it'll fade a bit.

It happened to me last year and I must admit I was quite upset by it. I knew that I was being silly and that no-one 'owns' a name and was a bit surprised by my reaction but couldn't help it.

My friend rang from the hospital a few hours after giving birth to say she was using the name we had given dc2. I was totally taken by surprise because she never mentioned liking the name before. I felt there was nothing I could do but say it was fine.

She never knew I was put out by it but it took me a couple of months to get used to it. It didn't help that the second name she picked was also very similar to my dc's second name.

Also whenever I met a mutual friend and the subject came up I felt people were watching my reaction but I was careful not to say anything negative.