how would you feel if your child didn't like your choice of name and changed it when they were older?

One of the reasons I am unreasonably vociferous on baby name threads is that my step nieces and nephew had names that they hated so much and which made them so unhappy that in the end they each had a big "name-changing" party in the summer before they started secondary school, and each chose a name for themselves to be called from then on.

Their father was furious, and tried very hard to stop it. Their mother was disappointed but supportive.

My mum and uncle both get called by their middle names and have done since childhood. It's only on official documents their full names are written.

I didn't even know it was my uncles middle name until about 5 yrs ago when looking at old photo albums at mums and her wedding invitation of his and my aunties was there. ( that's 25yrs not knowing)

I asked my grandad why they didn't just swap the names around at birth, if they weren't going to use the first names. He just shrugged his shoulders and said it just happened that way. My mum doesn't know.
But my other uncle( their brother) goes by his first name. That's actually the worst of the lot.

LOL at 'audible inverted commas.'

When sending a card, my sister always puts our house name in actual inverted commas as if it is an affectation, when it doesn't actually have a number (and we're not posh or rich, it's just what the happens round here). I think she thinks I am Hyacinth Bucket.

I dislike my first name, & have been known by a shortened form since my teens.

Both parents took huge offence at this & used to pointedly call my Uni digs demanding to speak to 'Euphemia, although apparently she prefers Effy these days '

It caused massive arguments, which frankly no-one actually needed to be having - both sides were BU.

Years later, they began to accept it. Dad now calls me Effy in audible inverted commas, iykwim. Which grates, & I wish he'd just go back to Euphemia...

THEN I started using my full name on FB, simply because in the early days of FB everyone was using 'Sunday names'...also, it goes better with my married name than it ever did with my original suname.

I now get called Euphemia by people I only know slightly & Effy by personal friends. Simples. But that pisses my dad off, too - he thinks I made a massive fuss about nothing. & I did, but so did he!

So I've always resolved that I'm just not going to sweat this one - if the dc want to change their names, I'll accept it as a war I'm never going to win.

Ds hates the short form of his name & always pulls me up on it. Serves me right! [hgrin]

My DH has always been called by his middle name, it was never intended that he use the first one. But our mad as a hatter confused priest called him by his first name through the whole service. I said my vows to a name I'd never used. I hated it.

Off topic a tiny bit, I always wonder this about Kwame Kwei Armah, the playwright (Black British), who was born Ian Roberts. I can see the political reasons why he'd change his surname, but I wonder if his parents are quite happy with him ditching Ian, which is a name they presumably chose with love and care for him. Of course it's entirely possible that they've had a family heart to heart and they see it 100% his way.

Well... 10 years married here and my dad still addresses all letters in maiden name!

However, am with the majority in that if it were my DC changing their name I would be disappointed/guilty but would respect their right to choose.

God. if you changed your surname on marriage, would they insist on calling you by your original family name? no different IMO.

OP's parents ought to respect her decision. I could understand them feeling slightly disappointed, or maybe making the occasional slip and calling her the original name by mistake, but to refuse to call her by her chosen name on principle is plain rude.

I changed my name by deed poll at 18 (ie, chose a completely new first name and kept my previous name as a middle name). My parents have always called me by my chosen name.

BuntyPenfold, that must be quite sad for you. I know how I feel when I see the DCs' little drawings and things they wrote when they were little, and their names are still what I gave them -- it brings a lump to my throat that they will never be so young again, so wobbly. I really admire you for accepting your DS's choice and for respecting him enough to allow him to make it when he wanted to.

'A rose by any other name'...

There is a little William at my ds's school who gets teased with Willy a lot, so I can see why BuntyPenfold's ds may have preferred his middle name. No need to see a child psychologist imo.

At my wedding the vicar used the shortened version of my name the whole way through and he did for my DH too who also has a longer name. We signed our full names in the register but as we are known by our shortened names it made sense to use them in the service. No one in the family commented even though my mum insists on calling me the full name 99% of the time!

Surely the vicar should have used the name you wanted, not your parents

I think I'd be disappointed but accept that it was their choice. You might give them a name when they're born but when they're old enough to have opinions of their own then it's understandable that they might not see that name as them.

I've always been known by my middle name X, even by my mum but she still registered me as ZX knowing she had no intention of using Z

Z is an 'old' name but even though I hate it, I've kept it for official stuff. I've never thought of a name I like enough to change it to.

I made sure 'known as' was written in by the registrar so that it wasn't read out during my wedding ceremony though

A friend of mine has quite an "old" name which she dislikes. She mentioned once that she wishes she could change it, but thought she could only do it if she moved house and could "start again" telling people her name was something different. I think I'd be able to call her something different quite easily as long as I knew that was what she wanted.

My DCs have reasonably ordinary names. If DD, for example, wanted to change her name to something more unusual - and don't most of us as teenagers? - I think I would struggle to accept it. I might be more sympathetic if she turned out to be an actress and felt she needed to change it to get an Equity card but still, I think I'd fret.

I think your parents are baing very rude. I would long ago have stopped answering to the given name.

I've got a very unusual first name, which, on and off I have disliked - although it never got to the stage of me wanting to change it.

However, it is a family name (mum, grandmother, great-gran) and I know my mum would have been hurt if I had a girl and did not use the name (I wouldn't use the name and she knows it, but it's moot because I'm not having more DCs)

I think your parent's feeling are understandable, but to me, their lack of acknowledgment of your feelings is very hurtful

My ds1 has an unusual first name and a classic middle name - the latter given precisely in case he wants to join a bank.

I'd be (a little) hurt if he changed to his middle name but I'd respect his wishes - if he was over 5 and didn't now wish to be known as 'spiderman' fi.

I think I would go with my child's choice. Indeed, we have given our ds a choice of middle names just in case!

My children have classic names so I'd be a bit shocked if they hated them so much they wished to change them (whereas I'd be ready for it a bit more if I had taken a very unusual name gamble).

But if they chose another name/wanted to use their middle name I would need to respect that. I get to choose their name when born but deed poll exists for people to choose their own name when they get to a certain age.

I agree with your partner - it is very disrespectful to ignore your wishes and is treating you as a child.

What an interesting post. This should be linked to other name threads where prospective parents have daft names in mind.

This one has struck a chord with me as I have an unusual name that I dislike. As a child I hated my name because it was so different and obviously foreign. I used to get teased about it a lot. I am far more self confident these days and as more people are better travelled and are more cosmopolitan my name doesn't sound so unusual. Even now, I have only ever met one other person with the same name as me.