To be irritated by my parents always expecting dinner?

@Chanelsunnies

Has things gotten better op or is it still the same?

U said about them coming over and you asked them to start heading home as you are about to start dinner and your made to feel guilty. STOP feeling guilty, you can't go on like that. It sounds like they are coming over specifically for dinner, there no other reason why they'd leave a visit until 5.30pm

I was pissed off at my cousin a few years ago. Her family went on holiday and she appeared at my door at dinner time every night for a week. One night she met me in the street heading to my house, asked me what I was having for dinner that night and I said hot dogs, she screwed her face up and said uch nah I'll just go home for my dinner. It fckn annoyed me.

Dinner is now expected by your parents. Do they tell you they are coming or just turn up? I'd be saying no don't come, we are coming to you for a change. Start popping into them for 20 minutes it may stop them from coming to you.

Lots of numbskull posters on here OP, who don’t understand that some parents aren’t lovely, are in fact abusive and exploitative - like yours are - and that, even though these saintly posters would happily feed their own parents (although in fact I bet they’d also get irritated by the set up you describe), they fail to comprehend that some people have been unlucky enough to get unpleasant, grasping parents.

And to the person who says you have to be nice to your parents because they’re ‘not dead’ - does that also apply to abusers, or those who were deeply neglectful? This pressure to be nice under any circumstances?

Jesus 🙄

OP I hope you find a way to create a boundary around this stuff.

Because relationships in families are not black and white, especially involving parents. It can be incredibly complex and OP may not want to cause a huge argument and guilt and blame and rejection and all sorts might be going on.

I don't understand why OP has them over? If they were so horrible she now has the choice - as an adult - to be free of them. I would tell them straight that I don't want them to come round so much. What has she got to lose if she doesn't like them?

Usually, when you grow up and move out, you throw off the parental leash. Your Mum doesn't seem to have clocked it yet. They come to encroach on your weekends and time it so they get fed. I think it's time for a 'hey, guess what, we are off to (fill in the blanks) have dinner with friends, go to the cinema, go bowling ANYTHING so that you aren't at home and available to put up with them.

It's nice to bring something when visiting like wine, flowers or chocolates even if you are family

@Betterbear

my mum never comes over to mine with food
why would she? Im a grown adult who knows how to use a supermarket.

My Mum never comes empty handed. She is always contributing to our food stock. I Thought most mother's would be this way especially if you have young children.

@Chanelsunnies - just wondering if you've had a chat with your parents yet? How did it go? Have they stopped coming around so often?

@WorldOutThere Fair enough. Hard to tell who's being serious & who isn't.

@SparklyBlackKitten I think you need to look up the definition of entitled.

I said that because the OP's parents clothed and fed her all her life that she should just cook for them when they come around. If she can't afford to do it or doesn't want to, then have an adult conversation with them.

Surely that is just being grateful for what your parents have done for you throughout your life. I'm not sure how that is entitled ?

I voted yabu purely because you let your mum use you as a doormat.

Tell her that next time if she wants to come over that is fine. But that she needs to be out by 6pm because that's when y have dinner.

And then grow a spine and tell her time to leave. Bye mum. And get her coat and open the door. Bye. See you next time.

She obviously is a cheeky one that likes to get her way.

@nameisnotimportant stop being so entitled. Kids don't own parents anything !
And parents need to realise when they aren't wanted or when they've overstayed their welcome in their kids houses. ops mum is taking the piss!

If it happens every week why don't you plan on feeding them? Or ask specifically when they say they'll pop round if they're expecting to be fed?

I was being sarcastic. I am more than fine with people criticising crap parents, whether they are alive or dead.

Not true for everyone.

When I heard my father was dead, I went out to Waitrose & bought champagne & nice nibbles, then came home & put on a dress & decent shoes & surprised DH when he got in from work. He felt the same way about it as I did, & we enjoyed the food & drink immensely.

It was such a relief, & the bstrd made me wait far too many years to celebrate.

Not unreasonable at all, that would drive me insane. Assuming you’re happy to have them around at that time e and with that frequency- stop offering the food, wait until you’re about to have your dinner then maybe say casually ‘oh there’s some ham in the fridge if you want to make yourself a sandwich’ etc. Don’t enable it by jumping to make them something every time. She’ll soon get bored of ham butties! 🤣💗

Even if it's your parents, it is, in my opinion a difficult situation. I would feel awkward confronting them directly. Are they generally quite selfish or is it some sort of misunderstanding on their part?

Do they ever cook dinner for you? If not, I would probably do as someone suggested, go out on some summer evenings and have a picnic. Or perhaps prepare your dinner earlier and tell them you have already eaten and maybe rustle up a simple snack - beans on toast or something.

Just because our parents fed us does not mean we should have to feed them a few times every week when we have busy lives and young children. Or indeed if we had none of those things. And all the stuff about your parents not being around forever, where does it stop? Should you feed them every night because they could be dead soon, maybe they should move in for the same reason if they want to?
Both my parents are dead and I would dearly love to have them round the table , but not 2 or 3 times a week!
I also don't get the rudeness of the chocolate either. I'm sure the OP would eat the last few chocs in front of her DH , so as her parents appear to want to be treated as permanent residents, I don't think the OP did anything wrong. She is feeding them non stop. I think she deserves the entire box to herself!

Yes this. You had no need to offer food especially since you were going out to Coronation party. It does sound a bit emotionally needy though. I wouldn’t do this with my daughter. A bit weird you felt the need to eat the special chocolate after getting biscuits out for guests.

I wouldn't begrudge my parents the food itself (though I appreciate it's annoying when you haven't planned/portioned for guests), but what would annoy me is the hinting and mooching around until offered a meal.

I really can't stand when people act coy and skirt around what they want; just spit it out and I'll tell you yes or no. Thankfully, my mum has finally learned that a tinkly "oh, you don't have to get me anything!" doesn't work when I ask what she wants for her birthday and will now tell me straight-up what she wants.

You keep pandering to it so they won't change unless you have a frank conversation. Tell them they can come for pre-arranged dinners but simply turning up at 5pm and expecting to be fed will result in disappointment.

P.S. I'm on your side but it was pretty rude to have a fancy chocolate in front of them. If you don't want to share something, wait until guests have left before you get stuck in 😬

@RosaBaby2 how is that relevant to the OP's situation though? Your family reciprocates

Read the thread. It's not a nicey nice family🤦‍♀️.

I turn up to my mums all the time, totally unannounced and she always feeds me if it's a mealtime, I do the same in return. I love that my family are so laid back.

FFS, read the thread

I don't think it's so much about money but the fact you feel like they are taking advantage of you. It's clear they are mainly visiting for the meal as they are lazy and prefer you to wait on them. Can you go over there or ask them to come at a different time or ask them to bring some food with them for a picky meal? If you say you don't want to cook for them it will sound mean and they will say that you're cooking anyway why does it matter etc. A bit like the car posts we get on mumsnet, why can't you give me a lift everyday as you're going there anyway.