To find this disturbing and distasteful?

They werent the only ones that laughed-sometimes its our way of coping.They seemed to be talking about it quite matter of factly and truthfully.They just wanted to honour their daughter.They were remembering the good times before the tragic events and it could be that thats kept them going.They seemed very strong people and who are we to judge the way they grieve

YAB totally U. How would you prefer they behaved. What would you like? It's just as SGB said, people now have an idea of what bereaved people 'should' behave like. It satisfies their sense of drama or whatever. You see it quite a lot on MN as well - I can remember one thread where someone was going through a hard time, and the thread spanned a few months, and people started turning up and saying 'We've told you what to do, now do it.' Some people seem to think everything is a soap opera for their own entertainment.

Maybe you are totally socially incompetent, and couldn't understand that they were trying to remember everything about Isabella's life, not just the bad bits, and that was how they had learned to cope.

However, I was quite shocked by the programme. I expected it to be mostly people talking about their experiences, I didn't realise you would actually see people dying or dead...

Unbelievable - I hope the OP and the first few comments are ashamed of themselves Presumably if they ever lose a child they will be careful to always act entirely appropriately (as judged by strangers) and never disturb anyone with distateful comments about happy times.

I was shocked when they said Isabella had died - it was shocking! Their day had started off as the perfect holiday and then their only child was dragged from her mother's arms and drowned.

But no, the fact that they giggled means they are uncaring parents who didn't give a fuck

I didn't watch it but I think YABU simply because I don't think the actions of a grieving person should be up for scrutiny. Let them be.

People just are what they are, they cannot act a certain way because tragedy struck them. Just remembered a poem written for a Sri Lankan music teacher who died in a safari park during the tsunami.

For Orlantha
By Marissa Johnpillai

Orlantha Ambrose
Yala Safari Park, Sri Lanka
Boxing Day, 2004

<span class="line-through">-</span><span class="line-through">-</span>--

i hope that you saw
a perfectly nuclear family of elephants
a peacock showing off his tail
the black backs of water buffalo like islands in the lake
flamingo as pink as rose water sherbet
origami herons on an overhanging branch
start to 
fly 
across the 
water
like blank pages of a book.

i hope that you
behaved yourself
filled your memory card with photographs
didn't show too much cleavage too often,
by accident or on purpose
(i never knew which).

i pray that you
savoured your complimentary cocktail
revelled in the hotel beach towels and bath robes
were not facing the wave as it hit.

i pray that you
were sharing a smile with your mother as you both
lost 
consciousness
that your life didn't flash before your eyes
and only violins played in your final dreams.

i pray that you died like a swan.

I had to turn over when I realised their daughter had died - no reflection on how they came across on camera at all. I agree that I don't think people should be in any position to judge them. At one point they seemed to be giggling but then when the mum started saying about the daughter not being in her arms anymore and what an awful death it must have been she was very choked up.

I had to turn it over then, was too upsetting.

I have just rewatched this as I didn't register the bent over belly laughing before and do not perceive their 'laughing' the way the OP does at all.

They are recounting a very happy Boxing Day morning with affection. The DH refers to the 'shag'and the DM laughs as I perceive someone does when they are embarrassed, and her bending forward to me is someone curling up cringing a little and I think him saying 'I not have said that' as him recognising he had embarrassed his wife, she corrects him saying 'we made love' and then they go on to talk about the loss of their daughter.

Think it is disgraceful that OP and others have condemned these people as not grieving appropriately. Who the hell are you to judge? Especially considering you have poor perception/interpersonal skills!

www.channel4.com/programmes/tsunami-caught-on-camera/4od#3020365

40.30 mins

agreed - if they want to stand on one leg and shit on a gerbil - they lost their daughter - what is it to you how they grieve?

YABU I have just watched this. They weren't full on laughing it was more resigned smiles at the irony of the time before the tsunami came.

It pisses me off that people who are grieving somehow have to be seen to behave in a way that others see fit. It's bollocks, grief is individual. That couple have been through a parent's worst nightmare. They are still together, still obviously love each other tremendously and loved and miss their daughter. Not only that but they set up a fund to help children in Sri Lanka in Isabella's name. I think you've got a bloody cheek critiscising them to be honest.

YABVU..

I thought they were amazing.

It was clear that they had reached a place where they could celebrate Isabellas life and not just grieve her death. They were talking about they normality of the day, their happiness and their love for each other.

I cannot imagine a worse thing than having my 5 year old ripped from my arms to certain death, it is unbarable to me to even think about it.

Only someone with a warped mind would accuse someone of no grieving properly, it's sick.

I agree with SolidGold.

The shock of that, you'd never get over it.

I would have wanted to die. In fact, I probably would have topped myself in their situation.

They're very strong to have been able to live after that sort of loss.

That the couple are still together after an event that would have torn many couples apart is fantastic. That they can laugh about things is even better. What does the OP suggest - that they aren't allowed to laugh about anything that happened before the event?

Jesus.

Where is the love?

Compassion, much?

the OP represents a sadly large portion of people who have the emotional range of a soap opera character . And the curtain-twitching judgementalism of the same.

In fact the more I ponder it, the more offensive the OP's attitude becomes. Do you have some kind of original sin fixation? Because they were shagging, their daugther died perhaps?

the really mawkish people are those who scrutinise every nuance of the bereaved and wildly misinterpret facial/vocal intonations

I was surprised when they said she had died, I had assumed/hoped she was okay as they had been laughing about the morning but who are we to judge how people react or relay the event.

Btw, the American couple were smiling and laughing too in their interviews - are they distasteful too, OP? I mean, how dare they laugh after being through such a thing?!

Effing hell, I too am shocked that the OP and other posters are criticizing this poor couple. I agree with everything glasjam said. I commented about this on the other thread last night about how brave this couple were - you could see they were struggling to remain composed. I can't believe that the OP has called their comment 'disturbing'! The only disturbing thing is the OPs attitude!
FFS, we see this kind of attitude on MN and in the media all the time don't we? If someone doesn't conform to the 'normal' way of grieving or behaving, then they're seen as odd, disturbing or suspicious, as the McCanns were (sorry to bring that up again!).
I find it sad that as a society, everyone is so quick to judge.

YANBU of course bereaved parents should act in a way which makes you feel better about the incident and lives up to your expectations of how devestated they should act.

i think you are judgemental and have absolutely no idea about how they feel or their respective coping strategies.bottom line is all this was to you is a tv prog,to them it was a bereavement.

social veneer and just getting by means people generally mask bereavement.superficially appear ok,desolate internally

I should imagine that being interviewed for hours about that horrific day probably meant them relieving some pretty painful memories about thier daughter and if they found some relief in laughing then good on them.

I found it quite comforting that they were able to laugh as it means they have reached a point in thier lives where they have been able to move on and carry on rebuilding thier lives.

Yes I did wince but I don't think it detracted from thier interview. I thought them very brave actually as was everyone that appeared on there

Wow! YABVU - You could see their awkwardness and could see that they are carrying that dreadful experience with them every day of their lives. Am utterly aghast that people are sitting in judgement on them because they happened to grasp onto a fragment of a lovely, life-affirming memory that immediately preceded that devestating experience. OK they used the word "shag" - I just interpreted it as a gargantuan effort to be "normal" and alleviate the absolute horror of the story about to unfold. It was blurted out, their body language said a lot- he was trying so desperately to be "casual" and "relaxed" whilst she was sitting forward trying her best to be chirpy - you could feel the effort they were making to hold it together. For God's sake put yourself in their shoes.

The fact that their relationship has survived this and that they have founded the charity and have gone on to have another child is amazing and inspirational.

I am quite genuinely shocked and somewhat saddened at the OP's response.

YABU

I have never lost a child, and hope to GOD I never do. I probably wouldn't react typically.