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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to take ds to the in-laws coz mil smokes

62 replies

einalem · 11/12/2009 23:42

Ds is 5weeks old and probably like most 1st time mums pretty much everything worries me wen it comes to his health.
Iv never smoked and neither has my partner, we live with my parents at the minute and neither of them smoke. And it's something I really don't want2 hav near my son.
B4 he was born mil told my partner she wud smoke outside when we came over but we'v been there 3 timed now and she's smoked in the kitchen with the door open which is right next to the living/dining room. It's really annoyed me but I feel like I can't really say anything coz it's her house.
My partner doesn't seem that bothered coz she smoked thru all 3 of her pregnancies and always in the house.
It's not often we get to go there and I don't really know if there are any short term effects of passive smoking but I just really don't like it and wud rather not have it to worry about ontop of everything else.
Ok rant over!
Sorry about the long post!

OP posts:
Georgimama · 12/12/2009 07:50

Is she depriving her child of their grandparent? I don't think there is any suggestion of that, unless the grandparent is incapable of stubbing out a fag for half an hour to visit.

vvvodka · 12/12/2009 07:41

yab incredibly unreasonable.
unless she is actually blowing smoke into the babies face, then you are depriving the child of their grandparent. and a very very special relationship.

OhChristmasTEEOhChristmasTEE · 12/12/2009 07:35

As an x-smoker, who really only quit because I got pregnant and is struggling with not starting again now that the baby is here, I can see both sides of this.

On the one hand, it stinks. And she definitely should be made to smoke outside.

On the other hand, SGB is right. The very air we breathe is bad for us a lot of the time. There are germs every where.

And you can't protect your child from everything.

Georgimama · 12/12/2009 07:30

My PILs smoke like chimneys. MIL smoked through all her pregnancies (I wonder why her children all have asthma?) but they don't smoke near DS. I don't actually care if that's "precious", my DS is precious.

The smell of McDonalds never gave anyone lung cancer, SGB, so that's a silly analogy and not up to your usual standard.

JemL · 12/12/2009 07:28

Protecting your baby from the effects of passive smoking is not being unnecessaily precious. The effects of smoking are well known, proven, and documented it's nothing like "oh I read an article which found a link between cured meats and cancer and so I don't want to go there incase they eat ham" FFS. ANd I used to smoke heavily, so I'm not just anti-fags on principle!

mumof2point5 · 12/12/2009 02:01

YANBU. i won't take my dc to my mum's for this very reason. i'm preg and have enough worries (not to mention sickness) without this.
can just about cope with being in the same room as a smoker.
do they realise how much they stink?
and overuse of perfume doesn't hide it!

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 12/12/2009 01:23

Ooh yes Aitch, and isn't it awful that they might have got DOGS or CATS and touch the baby with a hand that might have been near the PETS ( and don't houses with animals in them completely fucking ming???) Or they might eat meat McDonalds and make the baby smell of ketchup or cooking oil (which might have carcinongens in it, oh yes honest, i read it somewhere).

I think it's basically a shame to alienate grandparents by being unnecessarily precious.

TigerDrivesAgain · 12/12/2009 01:17

Yanbu. I see what SGB means but it's just not what you want to do. FWIW, FIL smokes (pipe) and has to go outside (or in the greenhouse) if he visits. I wouldn't take my DS to anyone's house if they were going to smoke round them, no matter who they were. Choice for your MIL - fags or baby, basically.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 12/12/2009 01:17

but be honest it is absolutely DISGUSTING, sgb, when people who've just had a fag come in and touch your little baby and transfer that bogging smell.

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 12/12/2009 01:13

Cigarette smoke is not nuclear waste. While it is not terribly healthy, occaisonal exposure to it from a couple of rooms away is not that big a deal, you are exposing your baby to more toxic chemicals by walking up the high street if there is heavy traffic.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 12/12/2009 01:06

Smoking in the next room really isn't on. Did she even ask if you minded? You are right, it's hard to tell her what to do when it's her house, but ultimately you could say you will not go there (and mean it!) unless she stops. Why not say "remember when you said you'd only smoke outside when we were over? I've noticed you haven't been doing that and it's making me very uncomfortable about bringing DS over".
Obviously she won't really "get it", as she smoked herself, but you have the power really as she'll want to see him.
I (just about) tolerate smoking-in-the-other-room-with-door-shut at PILs now that DS is a toddler. Wouldn't have been able to do it when still tiny though with increased health risks.
Oh, and in general, do try not to worry so much, sounds like you are a very careful, caring mother already!

ilovemydogandmrobama · 11/12/2009 23:57

Well, DS was low birth weight and the midwife in hospital on discharge, said that DS could not be in the company of a smoker, neither DP nor I smoke, but MIL does. So, it was up to DP to discuss it with her and the rules were:

  1. She could not smoke within an hour of seeing DS
  1. She had to change any clothes she had been smoking in
  1. Absolutely NO SMOKING at the house. Even no going outside for a cigarette.

She has been OK with it. Not happy, but those are the rules.

Actually we are quite happy with her not smoking here