to be jealous that my best friend has just had a.........

well quite......

we are about to have DC2 (have DS1) and we don't know what it is. People seem very keen for us to care one way or the other, but to be honest DS is such a joy that I'd be happy with another boy, but a girl would be nice too.

We shall see - in about five weeks!

Soory for the rant TR . it is a sore spot for me. I cannot believe how many people offer me commisserations for having 3 boys in front of them, makes me so , or the assumption I must've been so desperate for a girl gggrrrrr I am so very not girly, she's 8 months old now and I still haven't been able to bring myself to buy pink. How I hat pink, and all it represents. I pray my dd becomes a 'spunky' sharp lively tomboy joining in the mayhem with her brothers, rather than a shrinking violet dressed in afairy costume in the corner.

But more than anything, I hope all my children grow up with a strong sense of self, and that they are totally loved for the individual they are.

Phew.

Saying that I do know 1 woman who has 2 boys and she keeps going on about how lucky I am to 'finally get my girl' and how ucky I am and how disappointed she is to have 2 boys and how she wept in the hospital when he was born - saying all this in front of her poor ds2 I really can't understand it.

Mind you, I'm not especially close to my mum, and am not a pink or girl person,never have been, so maybe that's it?

what fresh hell it was his bollocks tat decided it afterall!

I feel the same, and just found out I'm pregnant with DS2. I do now feel a bit envious of those who have one of each, but, as long as this one's healthy, it's all okay really.

The think that really fucks me off annoys me is the comments 'at least you can use DS1's clothes'. Why say 'at least....'? it's so annoying. They also assume I'll want to try for a girl later on (which I might, or might not want to do, want to get through this pregnancy first).

I do understand that envy / jealousy thing though. My sister is also pregnant and has a DD, I KNOW I'll be a bit envious if she has a DS. Stupid, completely irrational I know....

My parents have five children - 3 girls, then a boy, then me. When my brother was born and they were told he was a boy, apparently my dad said 'oh well done!' to my mum.

She said if she hadn't just given birth she'd have battered him with something heavy

tiggy that is SICK! Not you, that comment about thank God it wasnt my girl!

To lose a child is the worst thing in the world. That stupid cow should think herself lucky she didnt find out just what an idiotic thing she said.

Sorry, I have come over all ranty today!

Ernesthebavarian, I promise you I know exactly where you are coming from. I have three sons, (1 and 2 planned, and No. 3 a delightful but genuine accident) I have had to endure all the same stupid comments and assumptions about number three, so I do know! In fact apart from the 4th child, your post could have been mine! When I first found out I was pregnant with No.3 I was a bit shell-shocked and had mixed feelings. The first thing my sister said to me was, 'It'll all be for the best, and just think - it could be a girl this time!'
So??? WTF?

I never wanted to know the sex of 1 and 2 but because I got so sick of everyone assuming I was pregnant again to 'try' for a girl that I asked to know with DS3, and then told everyone I could. A) To shut them up pretty sharpish when they started the 'I bet you are really praying for a girl' nonsense, and B) I didn't want to welcome my beautiful baby into the world only to be greeted by a load of disappointed looks and 'Oh dear, Never mind' comments, like I'd just chosen the wrong box on Deal Or No Deal!

I admit I over-generalised rather about the large family thing, and I apologise if I touched a nerve. It must be infuriating if you get that alot. Though loads of people DO do that, I've known several. One woman with six boys she could ill afford to feed and clothe and she was run ragged with exhaustion, couldn't cope, and felt quite bitter about it all. But she told everyone she would keep going till she got her girl. I just used to look at her and think 'you silly cow'.

It's easier for me to convince people I'm not fussed about a girl as I didn't choose to go on to have a 4th, even though it would not have impacted on my lifestyle that much. (We already had enough bedroom space, a MPV etc, and I was already a committed SAHM). When I've told people I do not want any more children I have had so many people say 'Oh, but I bet you would if you could guarantee a girl, wouldn't you?' Er....no, actually. When I said I don't want any more children that's exactly what I meant!

The 'superfluous to requirements'comment was made because I have known women who talk openly (in front of their children) about this very thing, and how they feel incomplete. One woman actually told me that she was 'devastated' when her second son was born because she so wanted a girl. How on earth can you be devastated at the arrival of a beautiful healthy baby? And what does hearing that do to a child's self esteem? I also know someone who had three boys and one girl. As a baby the girl was rushed to A&E with convulsions and her heart stopped. She was given CPR. She made a full recovery thank God, but her mother actually said to me the day after it happened 'I thought, please God I've got three boys, don't take my only girl' It just made me feel sick frankly, that her natural reaction was that one of her children was more precious and valued than the others, and that she would have 'sacrificed' one of her boys more readily. Of course I know she didn't mean it to sound as callous as it did, but even so, I felt and . I would have felt ashamed to have that emotion.

squirdle no that not me. I am fortunate not to have suffered the loss of a baby. Wouldnt dream of ignoring you tho

I have a DSD and was praying that DC3 would be DS3. She is DD1. For some reason I always felt that DSD would be more put-out by a younger half-sister than by her half-brothers, and I've always called her "my favourite little girl" which I thought would be a problem if I had a DD. (It's not though - I now have a 'favourite baby girl' and a 'favourite big girl' - pretty simple really, I don't know why I was so worried!)

It's not something that really bothered me as I knew I wanted a large family and I assumed I'd probably get both somewhere along the way. Regardless, my kids are all seperate amazing little people, not 'boys' and 'girls'.

TiggyR - who are you to decide tho that that is what is happening? I get so many comments like that it makes me so mad!

I always wanted 4 kids. Never 1, never 2 (am 1 of 2, had bad relationship w. sister, always felt it was too intense, so never wanted just 2, 3's often a crown, so always had 4 as ideal number).

ds1 born. very happy.
ds2 born. Very Happy.
pg with dc3. Everyone asking me if I'm hoping for a girl. "3rd time lucky, eh?" etc etc. As if my boys not good enough or something I assumed it would be a boy. None of my family have mixes. All got just 1 gender, so assumed I would be the same.
Sure enough, ds3 born. I was delighted. But all I got was "are you disappointed?" "Never mind, as long as they're healthy etc etc"

Sure enough, when pg with dc4, everyone made comments about 'trying for a girl', to the point I was praying for another boy. Thought it would be cool (and a lot easier and cheaper) having a 4th son.

Then shock horror, dd was born. I constantly get comments, from everyone - people on the bus, the check out assistant in the supermarjket, people passing by in street - 3 boys then you finally get your girl , "Thank God"! a girl after all those boys etc etc - all usually said in front of my boys

Good to know that on top of all the stupid comments, people like you assume, as I have 3 boys, then a 4th girl (and have the temerity to stop at 4) that all along I've been desperate for the girl and now I finally have 1 I can stop. Assuming that ds2 & ds3 are superfluous

"When you see a family with 4 or more children and the last one is a different gender, and then amazingly enough, despite the fact that they insist they always wanted a 'huge' family, they stop. Their motives are so transparent it makes me feel really uncomfortable" Your post has made me so bloody angry. You are so wrong. And who are you to be so judgmental? Ridiculous.

What do you suggest, people don't have another child in case they make you feel uncomfortable by having a different gender!?

I have a cousin who now has 7 children for that very reason. She had 5 boys, then a girl and tried for another girl and got a boy. Madness!

chegirl...baby loss support group....I may be totally wrong, so ignore me if I am

Also, where do you stop this? So you may have two boys and although you only really wanted/can afford two children you decide to stretch yourself and 'try' for a girl. You get a third boy. So, feeling you must get on a winning streak eventually you got for four, and get a 4th boy. What now? 5, 6,7?

People do it! When you see a family with 4 or more children and the last one is a different gender, and then amazingly enough, despite the fact that they insist they always wanted a 'huge' family, they stop. Their motives are so transparent it makes me feel really uncomfortable (either that or they are rampant catholics or mormons!) You would end up with just a little bit of resentment to all those 'superfluous to requirement' children in the middle who take up so much of your time and energy and money. They are not commodities/accessories to be lusted after, or collections that require a complete set!

Well I know what I'm NOT missing and I'm NOT missing anything. There is no guarantee that you will get whatever it is you are looking for from one gender of child that you do not already get from the other, unless of course it's just the ability to buy girly things, which is not really a reason to have a child.

Sorry, shineon but it does irritate me when people with "one of each" say that. You don't know what you're NOT missing.

Thanks for your messges. Didnt mean to hijack. Hi squirdle not sure what site you mean, I am on a few so its poss. Wracking my brains but cant work out what the initials stand for

What a stunning beautiful daughter, chegirl!!

Oh chegirl, that is very sad (I think I remember you from another site BLSG?)

Like I said before, in your kind of case it is understandable...definately!

oh chegirl xxxx

chegirl

I so so so want a girl.

I have 3 beautiful wonderful boys and I love them so much.

But I had a wonderful girl and she died. I MISS having a girl. Another girl would never replace my darling girl but I MISS having a girl.

I am very well aware of how lucky I am to have my children. When I was pg with my DS3 I wasnt at all disapointed he was a boy. It was a year after the death of my DD and TBH I was relieved. It was other people who seemed to be disapointed on my behalf.

But I am being totally honest and I want another girl. Its not just about the dressing up and the girly stuff. I AM a girly girl and I do love that stuff but for me its because I feel I have so much to share with a daughter and no outlet. I wanted to be the mum to my daughter that I so desperately wanted and didnt have. I had a chance for 14 years and I miss it so much it hurts.

Mrsgboring, agree with a lot of your post. And sad to read about yours and Squirdle's firstborns. Maybe it's a total failure of understanding in me, but I just really really don't get the 'I wanted a girl, so I could dress her in nice clothes' etc. And to think that anyone could be devastated not to have a particular gender... my brain just can't understand it.

squirdle i meant young to have such an old ds!

We are far closer to DH's family than my own too. My mother is a nightmare!! I know that I will always be close to my boys, I still am very close to DS1 and he is 15.

Now you see mrsgboring, I make an exception in your case...definately. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I absolutely know that if I had given birth to girls after my son, then I would no doubt feel like you do.

It's totally different in lots of ways when you have lost a child.