Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

Your MiL needs to start taking some responsibility for her situation. It is impossible to live in a country, and a house where you can’t communicate. I wonder if being able to talk would not solve the situation, but make it a little less bad.
1, you DH needs to find and book her into language classes
2, make some simple English-her language flash cards to help you communicate eg ‘baby is staying with me for now’, ‘this is where we keep plates’, ie phrases to help you regain some control.

Your MIL needs to move out. You need boundaries with your partner and then if they are working, MIL may be able to move back in.

Mil is only in her 60s. She doesn't need you to sort out her living situation, finances or anything else. She has lived in the UK long enough to have a visa to live here- so should be able to navigate services - with or without English as her first language.

Don't think because she is 'old' she needs extra help. The retirement age is 67- so the government expects people of this age to be holding down a job. By the time you reach that age, it will be 68. Don't feel any additional guilt. You don't have the capacity right now.

Think if it in terms of putting your oxygen mask on first before helping others....

Please talk to your health visitor and mental health team. It is ok to ask her to leave and your husband if he doesnt agree. This should be a nice timein your life. Your MH issues are stopping that and they should be supporting you not adding to the burden. If they can't do that they need to leave but you need your professionals to back you up so they don't try and use your mental health against you. Good luck

Plenty of countries in Europe where mental health is still a significant taboo - Czechia and Poland for example. France has archaic attitudes too. Europe is not as progressive as it likes to think.

It makes perfect sense and applies to joint ownership of a property. It’s a legal term.

OP I was badly let down by my now ex in early stages of motherhood and it’s hard to forgive something like that. Resentment grows and destroys the relationship. You need to sit down with him and have a very honest conversation - tell him what you need from him and what does not work for you (i.e. MIL living with you). Tell him how your mental health has been affected by it all. Watch how he reacts because this will show you whether he has your best interest at heart. Once you have communicated the issue the ball is in his court but give him a chance to do the right thing first and see what happens.

That you have a 3 bed is irrelevant to her getting a council flat.

Councils don’t ask how many bedrooms family members have when they are looking to house someone.

You having a house has no impact on anything to do with her. She has no legal right to be in your home and you have no obligation to house her!

This is the best advice xx

I think if you leave or not sounds longer term. Right now you need you DP to support you. This will go a long way I expect to making the leave / stay decision.

You need to talk to DP and set some boundaries.

1. your space on the sofa is yours. MiL sits elsewhere.

2. if you are feeding MIL absents herself you. It is your house.

3. If MIL is not paying rent in money she can take over laundry / cleaning / cooking. It is not a hotel.

4. Decisions about DS are between you and DP. They are not discussed in front of or with MIL.

5. MIL needs to make a massive effort to learn the language so that she can talk to you and be less reliant. This should involve in person classes as well as listening to the language (through headphones) and reading. This will also keep her busy and out of your hair more.

DP needs to step up, inform and enforce these boundaries.

Own means you have a mortgage. Tenant means you rent. You can’t be both, this doesn’t make sense.

Situation sounds awful.She sounds like a nightmare! Your husband ( I assume) should be looking after you much better. If he’s just doing nothing, what’s the point ?

If you own, you need to be making her pay to put an annex shed in the garden with water etc so she can live independently of you and your young family. I know of a few families who have done this in the last few years. It’s not ok she is expecting to live with you, she needs to be paying for her accommodation.

If he won’t stand up to his mother, ask him to leave and take her with him. Either way someone has to leave and it shouldn’t have to be you or the baby.

If emotions are being damaged by his lack of care, you need to ask for help from your local council. They have means to help you in such situations.

Good luck. Enjoy your baby days as best you can. Find a nice place to hang out..:.could you buy an annual ticket to somewhere so that you can escape? E.g, a local zoo, botanical gardens etc. just so that you can escape with baby and sit and enjoy a coffee in peace. Take a flask from home if you want/take your lunch etc. Just a little escape for you.

Good luck. 💐

I would be wary about giving away any plans you have to leave, if that is what you decide to do. Your partner sounds manipulative and he has family support, he will escalate to put a stop to it.

I don't think you can rely on this man to have your best interests at heart, he has consistently let you down and appears to enjoy playing games with you.

You need to pull up your big girl pants and think smart @Aristocack . Can you rent somewhere until the house is sold?

What is it you actually want to do?

Replying quickly because I have to go out so am just addressing the bleeding. That might not be a period. The same thing happened to me and it was an infection. The doctor missed it and it carried on for weeks before it was picked up and I was given strong antibiotics. Please seek more medical help.

Sometimes we must become the villain in sombody else's story to become the hero in our own.

Sending love and strength OP.

I think your relationship isn’t working and it’s time to make serious plans to leave. You mentioned an aunt who is happy to sit in a hotel babysitting, could you both move in with her temporarily? I think you need to sell your half of the current property and use it to put a deposit down on your own. Your mental health comes first.

Agree. I've reported the comment, how unnecessary and mean

I remember your first post. I really feel for you. You are going to need to be really tough and mean and tell your DH that she needs to go. What is the legal position? Did she need a visa etc...sounds cruel but Id do a bit of research. She might not have the right to be here or get treatment on the nhs. You said she had health issues. It sounds like you are doing all the work for seeking help and your husband is doing nothing to support you. Do you have a friend you can rely on to keep you focussed. I mean in terms of not letting your husband and mil talk you around. Id also be doing some research into some other living arrangement. Good luck.

Suffer not stuff*

I think what that person wrote to you was very cruel. You havent brought this on yourself.

When people write on here they can give flippant advice and go back to their lives and forget about it. You are living the situation every minute.

Nobody wants to believe the partner they love and have created a life with may not be right for them, or could even be potentially abusive. Often this behaviour doesnt come out until after having a baby, that is pretty common.

And ive said it previously, but even if you did want to help MIL then you are allowed to change your mind when the reality of the situation is far worse then you had anticipated. PP is the most vulnerable times in a woman's life, posters on here are being completely unrealistic expecting you to get up, cause a massive scene and set up house on your own.

That being said, you do quietly need to start getting your ducks in a row knowing they could both turn on you. One day at a time, take it slow.

She needs to learn English ASAP are there local classes she could go to? That would get her out of your hair for a few hours at least. The language barrier is half the problem you can't communicate directly with her at all and the chances of her ever moving out with no English is slight. Do you have room/money for a granny flat or a room you could convert into separate living room for her (or you)?

Personally I'd go to my mum's despite the brother ,better the devil you know .
I've read lots of threads were the man leaves the home and the woman is left paying the full mortgage.
If you haven't been in there long ,you won't have any equity..so nothing to loose .
Leave ,go to your mum's ,let him pay the mortgage and entertain his mother.
With any luck he will have to sell it ,if your not paying half of everything.
It's not playing fair ,and a solicitor would say you have to legally pay half ,but men seem to get away with doing this all the time
Keep the birth certificate with you at all times and make sure he doesn't get a passport to his own country,and make sure you get the UK passport and keep it at your mum's
I read your other thread
This is not going to get any easier
Thank god you didn't marry him

You're allowed to change your mind. Can you go to your mums house, even for a weekend for some peace and quiet? If DP asks why just be honest. Tell him she's getting under your feet, doing your head in and you need some space to breath.
I am not the type to stuff though OP especially when you're not even married.

The second passport isn't a priority at all right now; it can wait till you have things sorted. But don't automatically dismiss it- EU passports bring so many benefits eg freedom of movement and work across the EU that your child might use in the future. So just keep an eye on dates etc for when you need to apply. But this won't be for years and probably is relevant right now. Good luck.

You’re going to have to tell your husband that it’s not working and figure out where she can go.

Sorry if I’ve missed this, but is there any reason why you can’t move back in (if at least go and stay) with your parents?

Exactly this OP. This was planned all along.

You keep saying what you want to do so do it. Move out, even if it is a hotel for a few days move so he gets the hint and you get some breathing space.
Ask your HV for help. There are places you can go but you have to act.

I remember your other post and you need to leave him. He won’t change. He doesn’t care about you. My DD’s dad (my ex) was very similar. Ask one of your family members TODAY to pick you and baby up and don’t go back to him. He won’t be entitled to overnights or extended time with the baby away from you as baby is so young. Please don’t stay with him.