Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

I read your first thread and can’t believe the latest news that the MIL has moved in. Just no …

Even better!

What country are they from OP? This sounds awful for you

I dont think the solution right now is mind games and power plays or putting a tv in the guest room. The solution is for OP to leave with the baby if only for a week or two to get some space and rest. Op hiw possible is it to go to your mums even just for a break?

OP i read your original post . I am horrified you are still with your partner and still putting up with his selfish shit and his family.
You must stick up for yourself and tell him that his mum goes or you and your baby go. She can't live with you , it is ridiculous and if he can't see that he is even more of a twerp than he appeared to be in your last thread.

They're not married so she wouldn't even have that to worry about!

You need a deadline for her to move out - agreeing to her moving in so she can escape an abusive partner is a different question to her staying permanently.

Point her at English classes at your local college. And point her at Women's Aid.

You're probably going to have to have an awkward conversation about who sits where in the living room.

I agree with @Tulipsriver but I also think you should cut to the chase and divorce the cunt. He's put you through hell & is clearly owned & controlled by his fucking awful family, it won't get any better.

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry to hear this. We are all here for you.
Your man needs a very firm reminder of where his priorities lay. You are the mother of his child. He needs to have your back. If he doesn't, start planning your exit to move out with baby to a safe property of your own. You can do this, I promise, and there's help out there.
I would have some honest convos with your perinatal health team about how he and mil make you feel, and be clear that they are not being supportive and taking baby off you, which imo is a hard no - no-one should take baby off you because it's disrespectful.
Build up your support network, ask the perinatal MH team if they have extra support for you like mum and baby groups.
Things will get better, you're not alone xxx

Some of this is tricky, but there are immediate things you can and should do.

Move the Moses basket to wherever you're sitting (and tell your DP to move and sit on the little couch if you're uncomfortable).

If she tries to grab the baby, make it abundantly clear that she can't take him. If you don't have a common language, shake your head, turn your body, or put up a hand to show you want her to stop. She won't wrestle the baby off you if you don't release him (and if she did, that would be more than enough reason to kick her straight out). Have your partner explain that she needs to ask, not grab the baby. Even without speaking the language she can learn a simple phrase like "can I take him?" And understand yes or no.

Tell your partner to explain that you have a medical appointment at x and she needs to vacate the living room at this time... stop putting yourself out because of her feelings around mental health.

Then give yourself some time to decide how long you are willing to live with her and tell your partner clearly what you are comfortable with. If you can't find an agreement that you are both happy with, this may mean breaking up but you can't be unhappy with your living situation forever just to keep him happy.

I'm inclined to think that your husbands overarching objective is to move his whole family to the UK.
You and the baby are just things which give him grounds to achieve his objective; aka pawns in his game.

Stop messing around OP, be as rude & abrupt as you can with her, piss her off twice as much as she pisses you off.

I agree with the Google translate suggestion but definitely NOT "please let me make the decision about what baby wears". Don't ask MIL for permission to do anything with your baby. Use instead "I make the decision about what baby wears."

I think there's lots of posters on this thread who haven't seen the first one.

Talking to her partner is not going to work he's abusive and controlling.

OP is 5 weeks postpartum and has had a circus of people through her house at her husband's will - none of whom are there to support her.

At 2 weeks pp she was SLEEPING ON THE SOFA because her DP wanted to sleep in peace and he had guests staying in the spare room.

I actually don't think there's ever been a thread on Mumsnet that's filled me with so much rage.

This.

OP can't just go to her Mum's she has already explained that her mum is caring for a sibling with complex needs and it wouldn't be suitable. Would the partner actually be OK with sitting down with the partner to set up the MIL with a new home. Previously it appeared he behaved abusively in baby's first weeks. But OP knows better if that is worth a try or not... It comes across as she tells him what the issue is and then he and his family do what ever they want anyway.

I think OP.. your mental health issues would be greatly reduced if you weren't in this horrible situation.

Don't blame yourself for agreeing when you were in good health before the baby was born. Also. How could you know how awfully they would all be behaving.
It sounds like you agreed when you were well... and then she turned up without warning and he's OK with her staying for good.

Please talk to Women's Aid or ask them if they know of somewhere that you can get help. Maybe moving closer to your Mum but in your own place? Also. talk to your mental health team... they must have some ideas or suggestions of how you can resolve these problems? Be frank and let them know you need help, not with the practicalities and that if these were solved, your health would improve too.

Maybe someone on here knows of a legal helpline that would be able to suggest your options for getting out of the mortgage. Get hold of all your important documents and stash in a safe place now.

I'm sure there is a way out of this difficult situation if you seek out all the support you can find. Fingers crossed for you. x

Use Google translate to get some key phrases and write them down, like
please let me make the decision about what baby wears. Etc

You need to have your MH appointments at home. Tough if your partner and his mother don't like it.

Surely she cannot just up sticks and move to another country? Visa? Intent to stay?

Just look at the socks, shake your head and say "no thanks". Hand them back to her or put them back in the sock drawer.

If she complains to your DH that you are neglecting the baby, and he takes her side, then you know you have a problem.

Send him this and tell her to back off. Unbelievable overbearing of her.

babysparks.com/2017/08/07/why-barefoot-is-best-for-baby/

That sounds hard OP. My nan came to live with us when my sister was a toddler. Not the same as mum was back at work which meant nan could offer childcare after school. Nan also did all laundry, ironing and some other tasks as she was grateful for somewhere to live. She cooked and washed up for herself expect for evenings when she also cooked for my sister and I. She also only ever watched TV in her bedroom and never used our lounge.
This makes things sound awful but it was all of her choosing as she loved her own space and independence. She knew no-one when she came to live with us and spoke in an accent with regional words I could not understand, but got on with making friends locally and was usually out if not caring for my sister and I.
I appreciate its a world away from your situation but I hope shows that you are absolutely not being unreasonable here.

You've reached breaking point, so now regardless of what is done it'll push you over the edge.
You need to say to your partner, you know when you were pregnant she could live with you, but since becoming a mum, you can't actually cope with this. Explain you don't feel comfortable in your own home and for her to stay even for a few weeks things will have to change. Explain you aren't being purposefully difficult but when we have a baby our entire being re-writes itself, it's a lot to deal with.

Most cultures understand NO, especially with a shake of the head. Do that each and every time she hands you bloody socks or takes it upon herself to adjust his clothing!

She should get the message.

This is an insane take

What is your financial situation? Can you and DP afford tp rent her a place? If so, do it!!!

She needs to understand the boundaries. As I said before you will need DP to communicate and enforce them.

Clearly add to the previous list that she is not a care giver for your child. You or DP are caregivers.

She is a resident of the house on tolerance and does not have a say in how the house is run or how your baby is cared for.