Page 2 | Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

Aristocack · 2026-10-23T19:18:33+00:00

I made a thread a couple of weeks ago about the struggles I have been experiencing since having my baby. The struggles have been with my partner and his family. He had various family members from his home country visit for 10 days when my baby was 2 weeks old and I found it incredibly difficult and ended up having to see the peri-natal mental health team. I had issues with my partner critiquing my parenting in front of his family members. I also was bleeding, recovering from birth and trying to establish breastfeeding and had other people in my house, hovering, grabbing baby off me etc. It was hell. They finally left after 10 days and I felt better (though I've still been dealing with post-natal OCD symptoms and severe anxiety/intrusive thoughts but I've been working with the peri-natal team). I had strong words with my partner about how he had made me feel and he has been much better and much more supportive. Unfortunately things have gone to shit again. A few months ago back when I was still pregnant, DP's mum (I'll just refer to her as MIL as it's easier) who was living abroad with her partner revealed to my partner (over the phone) that her boyfriend had become emotionally abusive. Me and my partner spoke about it and we agreed that he could tell her that she could come and live with us if things got too bad. She said she'd think about it. I felt sorry for her. In the past few days she has taken us up on the offer and has flown over and moved in. My partner isn't from the UK originally and his mum does not speak English and I don't speak their language. I was kept updated on the arrangements of her moving here but I haven't directly spoken to her in detail due to the language barrier. She arrived on the 20th October. By all intents and purposes it seems like it's going to be a permanent move. I'm so regretting saying that she can come. She's in her 60s with a health issue and unlikely to ever work or move out. I can't natter with her as we don't speak the same language. She keeps grabbing 5 week old DS off me. I can't breastfeed downstairs as I'm uncomfortable with her seeing my breasts. She has taken my spot on the sofa in between where DP sits and DS's moses basket and she will sit and rock the basket when DS cries meanwhile I am on the small sofa where I can't even lie down. She keeps rearranging the kitchen. She comes from a culture that is taboo about mental health and she is always in the living room so I've had to ask my mental health support team to let me come to their office for appointments as I'm uncomfortable them coming to my home - I had to travel to a psychological appointment (that would usually be a home visit) in the storm today with DS on the bus. She stays up until midnight most nights. I won't go as far as saying I want to kill myself but I feel like I've ruined my motherhood and family life and our new home which we just purchased a few months ago. I hate myself, I should never have offered for her to live with us. I'm feeling extremely vulnerable as it is with the post-natal OCD. My main comfort and way of distracting myself from the OCD thoughts was by getting myself cosy on our sofa, cuddling/feeding DS, getting a bit blanket over me and having cuddles and chats with DP whilst watching a comfort show. That has gone now, it's been taken away. Even watching TV we have to watch it dubbed in their language with English subtitles as she doesn't speak English and her eyesight is too bad for her to have the subtitles. Despite exclusively breastfeeding my period has also returned at 5 weeks PP and I am bleeding incredibly heavily. I am essentially living in adult nappies and in terrible pain (I have endometriosis). I keep flooding my pads and through my clothes and I was in A&E yesterday where they had to give me a prescription to slow the flow of blood. Im so physically uncomfortable and I can't even lie down and relax on my sofa and I feel trapped upstairs in the bedroom as I keep leaking blood I don't know what to do. I have ruined my life. I don't know how I can get rid of MIL now and I feel like a terrible person for even wanting to. Life barely feels worth living. I need to get all of this off my chest and DP is sat downstairs chatting to his mum so I can't talk to him. I genuinely feel lost and like I'm in hell and like there's no way out. My mum is supportive over text/over the phone but she is a full time carer to my autistic sibling and I can't go and stay with her/live with her due to my autistic sibling having severe mental health issues. I feel so lonely

Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 22:58

My thoughts are starting to spiral again so I'm going to make a hot chocolate (MIL has gone to bed and partner is asleep on the sofa bed), watch a few episodes of EastEnders (it's crap but it's a distraction) and cuddle DS for a couple of hours and hopefully get to sleep.

I just wanted to thank everyone again for all of the support. I am so grateful for MN. I do have my mum to talk to but she has so much on with my sibling and I've not got any friends. The support from MN on both of my threads has literally been life-saving at times

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Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 22:53

The mental health team have warned me that whilst the medication they have prescribed is effective for intrusive thoughts, it can initially make you feel worse for the first few days and they say make sure you are in a safe environment with supportive people around you who can keep you safe if you do have a bad reaction. I can't tell partner as their culture don't agree with medication, especially not for mental health and I think his mum was interfere more if she knew I was medicated and they'd also be funny about me breastfeeding (even though the mental health team say I can safely breastfeed).

I hate that I may be home alone with her and DS during the day when I'm potentially going through the initial first few days of worsening mental health symptoms. I'd actually be better off fully on my own as I'd feel more comfortable contacting the crisis team to visit me at home if need be. I'll be significantly more stressed if she is there and I'm worried the crisis team will cart me off to hospital and leave DS with her

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Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 22:47

fuchsteufelswild · Yesterday 22:03

How often are you seeing your MH team?

Have you sat "D"P down and told him that his mother has made your life unbearable? She can take a long walk off a short pier or go to the shops for more baking stuff weather permitting. He doesn't seem to care one bit about your mental health or might he and her actually bank on you not coping? No one would be able to cope in that kind of environment OP, OCD or not.

Can she stay with SIL?

Do you have access to money to stay elsewhere for a week just you and baby so that you can make plans to leave?

She doesn't get on with SIL unfortunately.

I know there's the stereotype of the overbearing MIL, always in your face, loud and brash etc. My MIL has been overwhelming in a different way. She has no indepence and is fully reliant on myself and partner for everything. Can only say very basic words and phrases in English, she doesn't go out etc etc. The abusive relationship destroyed her confidence and she doesn't even eat, partner has to remind her to have breakfast and dinner and make sure she eats it or she just wouldn't eat. But she interferes in other, smaller ways. Following me around the shop, commenting on the price of stuff I buy (she replaces it with cheaper alternatives), always putting socks on DS to the point that his feet are sweaty, tucking his clothes in so tightly that he is uncomfortable and restricted, rearranging rooms, baking constantly to occupy her time then pulling a face when I eat my own snacks as what she makes isn't to my taste, sitting next to DS Moses basket, bare feet on my sofa (which may be unreasonable to be upset about but I'm nervous about germs).

Because she doesn't go out independently, partner expects me to take her with me whenever I go to the shop or out for a coffee and I refuse to do it. I want to take the baby into the town centre tomorrow to get a coffee, get my eyebrows done (just something to care for myself a bit) and get him a Halloween outfit and there's not a chance in hell she is coming with me.

Apparently back when partner was a child she was very different, strict and shouty and the kids would get a clip round the ear. I didn't know this until recently. Partner says she's different now and will be very different with a grandchild. I will never be letting her do independent childcare.

I'm reluctant to let her have an "in" with my son hence why I'm nesting in the bedroom and I have no intention of stopping that whilst she is here. I think once I open up and let her have that initial connection with DS then she may her worse. My mum instincts are screaming no no no. SIL was way too much as well but at least I knew that was temporary. MIL will completely take over DS under the guise of "helping" and paying us back for letting her stay rent free

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katepilar · Yesterday 22:15

When you agreed to allow her to come and stay - rather than asked her to - you naturally expected her to behave in a civil respectful way. To you, your child and your home. She isnt doing that, she is controlling the space.

fuchsteufelswild · Yesterday 22:03

How often are you seeing your MH team?

Have you sat "D"P down and told him that his mother has made your life unbearable? She can take a long walk off a short pier or go to the shops for more baking stuff weather permitting. He doesn't seem to care one bit about your mental health or might he and her actually bank on you not coping? No one would be able to cope in that kind of environment OP, OCD or not.

Can she stay with SIL?

Do you have access to money to stay elsewhere for a week just you and baby so that you can make plans to leave?

Seriphiacandytotz · Yesterday 21:47

What an awful situation
Your partner really isn't considering your needs and is putting his mother first and foremost.
She needs to go.

deargreen · Yesterday 21:38

Just breathe OP. Make a plan for the next few days. It’s not a bad idea to stop in your bedroom and nest with baby. You can venture out for food though. Work through your options. So you can’t go to your mums. That means you are in this house for now. Can you be assertive enough to reclaim your home? Your husband and MIL don’t sound as though they have your best interests at heart. I think you really will have to have that heart to heart with your husband to tell him that this isn’t working for you. But you may need a plan of what to do if that escalates. Take all the post natal support you can and ask for help. You are essentially being abused in your own home. I would learn a few phrases is MIL’s language- google translate can help. I’d suggest “no” “I prefer not to” “baby needs to be with mum” “Please don’t do that”. I appreciate that this is your home and you do co-own it, but you have to question whether you can stay if your DP insists his mum is staying long term. Your relationship and the home you have built may not survive this. If that is the case, on the table has to be an option to both sell up and go your separate ways or for one of you to keep the house and one to go.

clawmachine · Yesterday 21:03

Does MIL know anyone else in the area or just you and your partner? I'm wondering whether helping her find a community/some friends from her country would mean she's out of the house more and give you some space? Also is she having any english lessons? It would get her out of the house and maybe she'll make friends there even if not from her country, and help you to communicate. Your situation sounds really horrible but getting her out of the house more might make it a bit more tolerable in the short term.

GrantMyWishes · Yesterday 20:49

I can't believe that you own Mum would say something to indicate that you are the one at fault here OP. You were trying to do a nice thing for an older woman who you thought was being abused. Now however, her and your partner are abusing you, and making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, to the degree that you didn't want to venture downstairs for food or drink all day, which you need while breastfeeding more than ever.

I hate to be hard on you OP, as you've really got a lot going on, but in my opinion you really DO have to take a grip of this, and either leave, taking DS with you, or tell your partner that while you thought you would be OK with having his Mum live with you, now that you actually have the baby, it's making you unhappy and uncomfortable having another woman in your home, and particularly one who has made no effort to learn your language so that you can chat and get to know each other, and so he needs to find her somewhere else to live, and in the meantime, you will be staying in a hotel. If he won't agree to finding his Mum other accommodation, then tell him you will be leaving and taking your son with you, as having her there is affecting your mental wellbeing, but you really MUST do this NOW OP, as if you leave it any longer, it's likely you'll lose the plot, and he'll end up getting you sectioned, which it sounds like would be playing right into their hands.

Holeymoley28 · Yesterday 20:48

You need to eat and drink or your milk will slow then Baby will have to have formula.

Speak out and get help. This relationship/ set up is abusive.

Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:46

God I've been so identifying on this thread. If anyone reading this does know me in real life and has identified me then please reach out if you want to, I won't mind that you have identified me as I'm desperate for support

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Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:45

MummyJ36 · Yesterday 20:43

Oh goodness OP what a situation. Do you have a sibling or a close friend you could stay with for a week, or even a few days just for some respite??

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There's nobody unfortunately. I am wondering whether to request a mother and baby unit but now MIL is here I feel like she will take me to be mentally unstable and take over DS once we were to leave the mother and baby unit

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MummyJ36 · Yesterday 20:43

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:42

That's a whole other thread. My mum and dad do have a spare room but I have an adult autistic sibling who is going through his own mental health crisis which has had police involved. They have a reactive cockerpoo dog that is very badly trained. Dad has hoarding tendencies and mum is so overwhelmed with everything that she can't keep up with cleaning and the house is incredibly mucky and unsanitary. Mum is a good person to text and talk to own the phone but she really isn't in a position to support practically unfortunately. If my parents had a nice home environment where I'd feel secure then I'd have gone there 2 weeks ago but if I go there now it will bring new stresses

Edited

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Oh goodness OP what a situation. Do you have a sibling or a close friend you could stay with for a week, or even a few days just for some respite??

Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:42

MummyJ36 · Yesterday 20:40

OP why can’t you go and stay with your own family for a bit?

That's a whole other thread. My mum and dad do have a spare room but I have an adult autistic sibling who is going through his own mental health crisis which has had police involved. They have a reactive cockerpoo dog that is very badly trained. Dad has hoarding tendencies and mum is so overwhelmed with everything that she can't keep up with cleaning and the house is incredibly mucky and unsanitary. Mum is a good person to text and talk to own the phone but she really isn't in a position to support practically unfortunately. If my parents had a nice home environment where I'd feel secure then I'd have gone there 2 weeks ago but if I go there now it will bring new stresses

OP posts:

MummyJ36 · Yesterday 20:40

OP why can’t you go and stay with your own family for a bit?

katepilar · Yesterday 20:23

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:13

I hate myself for allowing this to happen. Me and DP discussed it months ago and I thought MIL moving in would be best for everyone. She'd get to escape the abusive partner and be supported, partner would have a family member present in the UK, DS would have a grandma to be close to, I'd have support with childcare and could save on nursery bills etc. Back when I was pregnant and mentally well I actually thought it'd be a good functional home environment. I can't believe I thought it was a good idea. Maybe I actually was mentally poorly then too and just hasn't realised it?

I feel like I've given up my home and my DS for the sake of some abstract idea of having a bit of extra money and me-time. Like I said, because the agreement was she can live rent-free in exchange for supporting with childcare she is expecting to be given DS and she stands and startes/hovers whenever I'm downstairs with DS. I find it sort of creepy and I blank her and pretend she isn't there. I know she was very strict with partner in his childhood and if he ever spilt a drink he would get screamed at and clipped round the ear (he only disclosed that to me recently) and I don't want her alone with DS even when I do go back to work.

The mental health team have prescribed me a medication, they say it will stop the intrusive thoughts I have been having where I hear of news stories of children being harmed and I correlate it to DS or I think of my own childhood trauma where I was abused online by men as a vulnerable teenager with mental health issues and I feel horrible that I've brought DS into the world when people like that (people who harm children) exist. So they've prescribed medication to try and help with that but they have said that medication isn't a miracle solution and I also need psychological therapy and most importantly my home situation needs dealing with as I can't get better if I don't have a safe space .

Even my mum who is usually on my side says it's rich of me to invite MIL to live with us and then want to turf her out almost immediately and mum says I need to deal with her

You absolutely were not mentally poorly. It had a good chance of working out all right or at least civil. Its not any fault of yours!!!

Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:21

I've been upstairs all day today with DS I literally haven't been down there once as she is down there and I just don't want to see her. I haven't eaten or drank all day but luckily my milk supply is still going strong. Partner came home from work and I didn't speak to him as I'm still upset about him shouting and calling him a retard. He took DS downstairs straight away but thankfully he was soon brought back up as he was crying for a feed. I'm not going to pump any more milk as that would give MIL a way in by being able to feed him. When the SIL was here she would just take it upon himself to give him a bottle instead of bringing him to me so in the end I stopped pumping.

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Holeymoley28 · Yesterday 20:17

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:13

I hate myself for allowing this to happen. Me and DP discussed it months ago and I thought MIL moving in would be best for everyone. She'd get to escape the abusive partner and be supported, partner would have a family member present in the UK, DS would have a grandma to be close to, I'd have support with childcare and could save on nursery bills etc. Back when I was pregnant and mentally well I actually thought it'd be a good functional home environment. I can't believe I thought it was a good idea. Maybe I actually was mentally poorly then too and just hasn't realised it?

I feel like I've given up my home and my DS for the sake of some abstract idea of having a bit of extra money and me-time. Like I said, because the agreement was she can live rent-free in exchange for supporting with childcare she is expecting to be given DS and she stands and startes/hovers whenever I'm downstairs with DS. I find it sort of creepy and I blank her and pretend she isn't there. I know she was very strict with partner in his childhood and if he ever spilt a drink he would get screamed at and clipped round the ear (he only disclosed that to me recently) and I don't want her alone with DS even when I do go back to work.

The mental health team have prescribed me a medication, they say it will stop the intrusive thoughts I have been having where I hear of news stories of children being harmed and I correlate it to DS or I think of my own childhood trauma where I was abused online by men as a vulnerable teenager with mental health issues and I feel horrible that I've brought DS into the world when people like that (people who harm children) exist. So they've prescribed medication to try and help with that but they have said that medication isn't a miracle solution and I also need psychological therapy and most importantly my home situation needs dealing with as I can't get better if I don't have a safe space .

Even my mum who is usually on my side says it's rich of me to invite MIL to live with us and then want to turf her out almost immediately and mum says I need to deal with her

You invited her as a victim of domestic violence.

You didn’t invite her to between her and your partner become a victim in your own home.

Original poster

Aristocack · Yesterday 20:13

I hate myself for allowing this to happen. Me and DP discussed it months ago and I thought MIL moving in would be best for everyone. She'd get to escape the abusive partner and be supported, partner would have a family member present in the UK, DS would have a grandma to be close to, I'd have support with childcare and could save on nursery bills etc. Back when I was pregnant and mentally well I actually thought it'd be a good functional home environment. I can't believe I thought it was a good idea. Maybe I actually was mentally poorly then too and just hasn't realised it?

I feel like I've given up my home and my DS for the sake of some abstract idea of having a bit of extra money and me-time. Like I said, because the agreement was she can live rent-free in exchange for supporting with childcare she is expecting to be given DS and she stands and startes/hovers whenever I'm downstairs with DS. I find it sort of creepy and I blank her and pretend she isn't there. I know she was very strict with partner in his childhood and if he ever spilt a drink he would get screamed at and clipped round the ear (he only disclosed that to me recently) and I don't want her alone with DS even when I do go back to work.

The mental health team have prescribed me a medication, they say it will stop the intrusive thoughts I have been having where I hear of news stories of children being harmed and I correlate it to DS or I think of my own childhood trauma where I was abused online by men as a vulnerable teenager with mental health issues and I feel horrible that I've brought DS into the world when people like that (people who harm children) exist. So they've prescribed medication to try and help with that but they have said that medication isn't a miracle solution and I also need psychological therapy and most importantly my home situation needs dealing with as I can't get better if I don't have a safe space .

Even my mum who is usually on my side says it's rich of me to invite MIL to live with us and then want to turf her out almost immediately and mum says I need to deal with her

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PotentialPartTimer · Yesterday 15:05

You, as a breastfeeding mother of a newborn, will never have the level of support you will get now again. Grab the bull by the horns and contact your health visitor and mental health team and tell them you need tobleave your house because he is deliberately making you MH worse. Don't allow him to grind you down until you really are too unwell to care for your son.

Holeymoley28 · Yesterday 14:53

You need to leave. Men let their masks slip when their partner is at her most vulnerable and your partner is slowly getting worse and worse.

You won’t see it as badly yourself. Like the boiled frog. Contact your mental health nurse, contact woman’s aid. Go to your mums or a safe space they can arrange.

You need to look forward to this as a separation because he doesn’t have your back and he will get worse.

ilovebrie8 · Yesterday 14:48

A good point has been pointed out you don't know if the MIL was being abused or not. It could well be made up and she has other reasons to want to come here to get NHS/pension etc Plus keep an eye on you when your partner is out at work and take over.

Send her packing and reclaim your home. Where she goes is not your problem and it will only get worse having her living with you.

You and your little one are all that matters.

GrantMyWishes · Yesterday 13:29

unicornsandstardust · Yesterday 11:35

We've been discharged from midwife but when they would visit and ask me about feeding etc, I would start to answer the question and then DP would jump in and take over the conversation (not in an intentionally controlling way, he had genuine questions about feeding techniques but he would interrupt me)

I reclaimed my spot on the sofa. It was quite awkward. I came downstairs with DS asleep in my arms, she was in spot on the sofa next to the moses basket. I politely asked her to budge up on the sofa and she misunderstood me (I'm not sure how as I said "excuse me") and thought I was asking her to hold DS so she took him off me and sat back down. I then sat on the other sofa and asked her to put DS in his basket. As she was doing that I went and took the spot on the sofa. It may seem like a silly thing to be so obsessed with having a particular spot on the sofa but when I'm sat it here it means I can see DS, comfort him with my hand when he cries and pick him up when he cries without having to stand up and walk across the room. I really felt quite stressed when she was sat there, it felt like somebody else's home and somebody else's baby. Its a small social etiquette that she was completely missing

OP I'm glad you've started to take back your space but you need to understand that things like this you wrote above are very much intentional means of controlling you, done in a subtle way that isn't necessarily immediately obvious to outsiders (or even to you) but nonetheless has the effect they want: you are silenced and you are pushed to the periphery during your own appointments and in your own home.

Your partner and MIL are not oblivious to this effect, they know what they're doing and they're choosing to do it.

He knows midwife appointments are for the new mother, he just doesn't want you having time alone with a professional to talk about things of your choosing. So he controlled the narrative, not because he's interested in feeding techniques (he banished you to the sofa FFS so he could sleep without waking, that's how interested in feeding he is!) but so that it would be hard for anyone to dismiss him from the conversation without looking as if they were being unreasonable. By keeping the midwife engaged in professional conversation it's harder for her to notice you're not being allowed to speak and she leaves with the impression there's been plenty of talk about baby related things, without necessarily realising you've had zero opportunity to speak about anything troubling you, which is one of the main points of the appointment. Your partner also gets to make himself look like an involved and interested dad, and at first glance a supportive partner - but it's all smoke-and-mirrors, a far cry from how he treats you behind closed doors when nobody can see. By taking over your midwife appointments he also took away your best opportunity to talk about the state of your relationship to a sympathetic professional ear. There's nothing accidental about that.

MIL knows you sit there on the sofa, she's seen you. And if she needed further hint, it's where the baby's basket is! Your partner definitely knows it's her and not you by his side of an evening too. They both knew you'd like to watch your choice of TV in English in your own home, they just didn't care.

It's all part of being gaslit OP, doing things in such a manner that it's dressed up as "best for everyone" (except you) and you're made to feel unreasonable to complain or to want things to be different. Not every abuser smacks you round the head. It's actually easier in a way if they do, at least most people recognise that as wrong. The subtle psychological stuff can be far more harmful, in part because it goes unnoticed and in part because the wounds it leaves can be far harder to recover from than physical bruises.

Never ever forget that this selfish man put his own comfort and that of his family above you, the mother of his child who'd just given birth. You come last in his pecking order and he thinks that's fine. Sure, you can be assertive and fight to take up space in your own life and home, but don't underestimate how exhausting it will be both mentally and physically to live like this, effectively at war in your own home. It's not you or your feelings that are unreasonable here, it's them (his whole biological family) and the way they're treating you. Not one of them respects you.

The longer you stay in this situation the more you normalise it to yourself. It's just something to be aware of because over time you'll find yourself questioning whether you're in the right, whether you're unreasonable or whether there's more you could be doing to improve relationships with people who don't care about you, relationships that you didn't break in the first place and it isn't your job to fix. You'll find yourself taking misplaced responsibility for others emotions, not because you want to or because you feel in an obvious way that you're being made to, but because if you do the homelife situation is more peaceful. If you do X totally normal and reasonable thing, he/she will have opinions on it and you're not in the mood (too ground down over time) for dealing with it so you "decide" to do Y instead in the name of peace and harmony, except you don't actually want to do Y, but you and your opinions have ceased to matter even to yourself. So coercive control take its insidious effects and you slowly find yourself living under his thumb, without ever realising it's even happening. Remember to hold it firm in your mind every time you doubt yourself: it's not you, there's nothing wrong with you, you're not the unreasonable one.

OP, please re-read this post and take onboard everything that 'unicornsandstardust' has said, they are absolutely right about it ALL!!

Also, please don't be afraid to leave today and go to a hotel. What can MIL do even if she sees you? You don't have to tell her where you're going, and as she supposedly doesn't speak English anyway, she wouldn't understand if you did, but if she asks where you're going, just say 'out'. If she asks to come with you, say 'not possible', then just leave with NO HESITATION. The worst she can do is call your partner, and if she doesn't know where you've gone, she can't tell him, can she?

Once you're safely in a hotel, then please start looking at the options to get help that other posters have told you about, and start making the necessary calls.

I know it's hard, but your REALLY DO need to leave NOW, as the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

Sending you a strength to do what needs doing, and a hug to help you and baby on your way.

unicornsandstardust · Yesterday 12:53

agree it's partly my fault as it was equally my idea for her to move in and she has been abused

OP please stop telling yourself this situation you're in is your own fault. Your brain hears this and it affects your self confidence. They've taught you to start gaslighting yourself, please stop it.

Firstly you have zero evidence your MIL was ever abused, this was the story told to you to get you to agree to her moving in and it may have never been true. Secondly, even if she has, it doesn't give her the right to abuse you! Nor does it give your partner that right. She could have sought help for abused women in the country she was living, she could have gone to stay at her daughter's place in that country.

I'll bet this is nothing to do either being abused and everything to do with her wanting to move to UK. Probably for NHS and pension.
But also because your partner wants her there as backup for his abuse of you. He's tied you to him, first with purchasing a joint house, second with a baby, and now he's achieved those ties he's moved his mother in so they can abuse you 2-to-1.

Don't forget, while he's at work he now has eyes on you at home via MIL, this is not coincidence. I'll bet too that your child will be refused daycare and peer socialising by your partner, on the grounds its not needed because MIL can do it, meaning him and MIL now control your child too.

If you had fair and reasonable control over your own life you wouldn't be having to assert yourself with MIL because she wouldn't be trampling your boundaries in the first place. You wouldn't be afraid of her seeing you leave. You wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable around her, because the second you started feeling that way you'd have felt secure and confident enough to ask her to leave, telling your partner it wasn't working out to have her living there - and you could expect him to back you up in that. But you feel none of these things because you're in an abusive relationship and that is not your fault.

unicornsandstardust · Yesterday 12:39

Outright insults is a new thing from him. He's had issues with how he treats me but it's usually more subtle digs and negging. A raised voice and shouting and insult is really new behaviour.

It being new isn't a reason to dismiss it. It won't be a one off it never is. He's escalating and that's bad news. Can you see the pattern? You started asserting yourself and his behaviour became more abusive. This is typical and the reason it's not possible to stay in an abusive relationship. Not without becoming a shadow of yourself and under his thumb anyway. He will escalate further over time. His behaviour isn't new this is just the latest appalling thing he's done. It's parental alienation, saying that to your child. It's abusing the child too by dragging them into an adult disagreement like that and saying negative untrue things about their parent.

You really need to tell any professionals you're involved with about his behaviour, all of it - and get in touch with Women's Aid, whether you're planning on leaving him or not you still need to join one of their groups for support.

I disagree with pp about him needing to be involved with your MH treatment OP, that's the last thing you need, he's the cause of your MH issues!