Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

He has a sister doesnt he?
Why is MIL with you when she could have been crashing with her daughter in her home country?

You are allowed to change your mind.

Your joint decision to let her move in was made under different circumstances, when you were in a different place mentally, before you became a mother, before everything in your life changed.

You now have a new set of facts. You are struggling deeply, mentally. You have a brand new baby. You have a new home. You did not know that when your MIL moved in she would steal your spot on the couch, grab your baby, stay up past midnight, the list goes on. If you had known all the facts, I highly doubt you ever would have offered to let her move in.

You are an adult. You have the right to change her mind. Given how she is behaving, she is hardly making herself welcome, either. For the sake of your mental health and for the sake of having good mental health for you baby you must put yourself first and say she has to leave.

You are allowed to put yourself (and by proxy your baby) first, not your MIL.

OP I mean this kindly as you have so much going on with a new baby and it’s so overwhelming but you MUST stand up for yourself and your baby. No one can take your baby off you, if she tries you just hold on to your child and say no firmly to your MIL, if she sits next to the Moses basket to rock it you move the Moses basket next to you. If she can’t understand English I don’t see why your can’t have your appointments at home? It’s not like she will know what’s being said? Can you get a cover for breastfeeding to make you feel comfortable? Your partner is useless and I am so sorry you are going through it but you can stop some of it. Unless you are worried that doing so will mean your husband will abuse you in any way and if that is the case you must leave with your child.

She cannot stay.
You need to put your baby first.
You are a mother, your baby needs you well above all else.
This has been a total shit show because of him and his family.
Put your baby before him and his mother.
Tell the medical you need support.
His mother cannot stay.
This is absolute madness.
Tell him she cannot stay.

Your DP needs to step up and move his move out! Or atleast have a move out date sorted with her. Have you spoken to him about how you’re feeling

I don't really have any advice but I can sympathise with your plight as my ex's parents are the same although in their case at least they spoke English reasonably well. But even then when they visited for months on end it was dreadful. I can't imagine how i'd have coped if they'd moved in!

It's just the feeling of never being able to relax in your own home at any point as there's always someone else there under your feet / in the way. It's absolutely stifling. You really need to have a serious honest conversation with your DP and tell him how you feel.

I also think this is your only option (and it’s a good one, your mum will look after you)

How do you get ILR if you can't even speak English? Can't she go back to wherever she got ILR?

Btw I've lived extensively across western Europe and cant think of a country in this part of the world where mental health is "taboo" these days.
Your partner is gaslighting you again

I just read your last thread
Your MIL is from western Europe and im guessing is in her 60s/70s: she speaks some English, trust me.

Your mum has a spare room, so you need to take your baby and go there, and tell your partner you will not be going back until MIL has left.

@Aristocack You sound overwhelmed and very vulnerable.

you need outside help find your nearest WOMENS AID.

you are in an abusive situation.

as regards your MIL if she was living abroad for two years or more then her right to remain lapses, she would likely have to apply for a new rentry visa.

so you could call the crime stoppers to re port her as illegal anonymously if that might help.

If she has ILR then where did she live before and so can she go back to those or similar arrangements?
This seems unsustainable OP. Your priority and DPs needs to be you.

Heartbreaking to see you back here after your other thread with yet more misery caused by your partner's family.

You need to leave.
You need to go.

There are people here who are advising you to speak to womens aid/ your health professionals/ your family.
Please listen to them this time.

What kind of life are you going to have with this man and his ridiculously insensitive family? They won't go away.
You need to leave.

I remember your last post OP and, despite the apparent appearance of things improving, I hope you're still planning to leave. In the meantime, people are allowed to change their mind. You felt bad for her and said she could stay with you. You've tried it and, the reality isn't working for you. You can either discuss and agree what would make it work with your husband, then both sit down with your MIL and have a detailed conversation about what needs to change; or you can say you've changed your mind and she will need to find somewhere else to live.

You don't have to feel guilty about changing your mind. You have a lot on your plate. Her problems are not your problem to solve.

I have voted YABU. The reason I have, is that you took huge amounts of shit from these people in your last thread, and now you're taking huge amounts more. You need to woman up here.

Hi op you need to be honest with your dp your mil is making you uncomfortable in your own home she can’t just sit where you would normally or you need to move the baby closer to you. If she doesn’t understand English why do you have to leave your own home your dp needs to tell her to sit upstairs out of the way whenever you have an appointment you are letting her take over. If you don’t speak up now you will resent both of them and that’s not healthy for you or your dc. Why couldn’t she have stayed in her country with other family members why live in England but not learning the lingo. She’s not going to get far in life.

OP, you are a lovely kind and generous person. And don’t your husband’s freeloading relatives know it! They imposed on you when you were recovering from childbirth, and now you face having MIL on you case and in your home forever.

You have been far too generous with these people, who will take all they can and give nothing in return.

Offering to take MIL in was unwise, as they are probably from a culture in which DILs are expected to do this and give up their independent lives for ever.

But you can still put things right. Get your husband to tell her your offer was only meant to help her out temporarily. Make it clear to him that he should back you up, even if it means opposing his family. If you don’t stop it soon, they will drain the life out of you.

Claim your space back.
aak her to move to the small sofa if she’s on your spot when you want to sit there.
set some house rules - after say 9pm she has to be in her room; no rearranging any furniture etc
get her a tv for her room if possible.
make her somewhat comfortable but don’t let her take over the house.
does she have a place in her country to go back to? Does DH have siblings that she can stay sometimes with?
you guys have to talk and figure it out.

Please call women’s aid.

Tell him you want to break up due to his prioritising others over you and your baby and he can either buy you out or you sell up, use the money to either get a flat by yourself or rent near your mum. Please OP - we are all behind you, you can do it.

Big hug OP. I'm sorry to hear everything that you are going through.

You need to sit down with your partner and explain exactly how you are feeling.

If you/MIL are in a financial position I think it would be good for her to spend a week in a local hotel/b&b in order for you and partner to have some space and create a plan.

Your partner needs to sit down with MIL and see what her long term plans are. He needs to be honest that this can't be a long term situation as you a family unit need their space. You need to set a deadline eg. A couple of months time for her to move out. In the meantime while she is living with you, you need to set boundaries so that you are comfortable as possible.

You are doing a great job with your baby and I'm sure this will all be resolved.

Talk to the peri-natal MH Team for starters - they may have some advice.

As for the language barrier, use Google Translate to tell her "stop taking my baby from me"..... in repeat.

You need to get very tough here as no-one else is fighting your corner.

I understand how overwhelming it feels when the problem seems huge and youre struggling with mental health. The issue needs to be broken down into small manageable chunks. The first part is simply this OP: is there anybody you andnyour baby can go and stay with for say a month?

You're obviously in a bad way @Aristocack but your DP is awful. His mother is awful. They are ruining your early time with your baby.

You really need some kind of exit plan.

I know it's all well and good everyone telling you "just leave" but your last thread was horrendous. This man isn't good to you, he doesn't care about your health or happiness.

Find your inner mama bear. If she grabs your baby shout NO and take your baby back immediately. She will understand.
You are entitled to breastfeed your own baby in your own living room. If she doesn’t like it she can fuck off to another room.
You are entitled to your medical appointment home visits in your own home. She won’t understand most of the conversation anyway.
have you confided in the perinatal mental health team you are in an abusive relationship. I would do so and seek support to plan leaving with your baby. Keep baby’s birth certificate and passport with you at all times.
I would consider going to your own mums as a temporary measure until you sort something more permanent for you and baby.