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AIBU?

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Original poster

Housekeeper playing music- aibu?

500 replies

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:24

I live in a large house on a farm. I have a housekeeper who comes in each day between 10-6.

Today I was in the garden and she drove up to the house and parked outside. I could hear her music which annoyed me because I moved to the country for peace and quiet. It wasn't blasting but I don't want to hear any music while I'm outside.

I told her she's not allowed to play music while she's driving on the farm and she seemed a bit upset and was much quieter than normal. I think that might have to do with her personal circumstances because she's currently getting divorced.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
pinck · 23/10/2026 14:01

Sealedbidswoes · 23/10/2026 10:10

Why were you arguing with strangers at 4am? You must be in the UK as you have discussed how much you pay your UK cleaners and defended your use of $ rather than £ as a typo…🤔

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Um, because I’m American? It wasn’t 4 a.m. here. You’re British, which is why I asked why you were awake at 4 a.m. arguing with strangers on the internet. I also never said anything about my UK cleaners considering I’ve never lived in the UK and never will. And where exactly did I pretend to be confused about the pound sign? I said I didn’t know how to type one on my computer. I never claimed using $ was a typo either. It’s a currency symbol and you knew perfectly well what I meant. You seem awfully confident for someone who’s managed to get literally every detail wrong

Goodgriefisthatrue · 23/10/2026 11:11

FFS you cannot police what someone does in their car - this is nonsense I can’t believe this is true!!

Brokentoes85 · 23/10/2026 10:20

Reverse

Sealedbidswoes · 23/10/2026 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why were you arguing with strangers at 4am? You must be in the UK as you have discussed how much you pay your UK cleaners and defended your use of $ rather than £ as a typo…🤔

Sussexserpents · 23/10/2026 10:03

pinck · 22/10/2026 20:44

Lol, $27 an hour isn't even a particularly good wage for housecleaning, let alone the exceptionally generous rate you seem to think it is. My parents had a cleaner come weekly over 20 years ago and because my mom was an absolute neat freak, they were only at our house for about 2–3 hours and yet they paid $100 per visit, which worked out to roughly $35–$50 an hour, OVER TWO DECADES AGO. We pay our cleaner more than that now, so I'm really not sure why you think $27 an hour in 2026 is some incredible act of generosity.

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What planet are you on!! £27 for 6 hours a day is very good. In the south east i pay £24 an hour to my cleaner and they have to travel between jobs.

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 23/10/2026 09:10

Unfortunately I think you’re going to get multiple aggressive posts from people who haven’t read your updates @NoMusicPlease.

It is rare for someone to reflect on feedback and own up to a mistake in the way you have and you should be proud of that, particularly in the light of your difficulties.

I would probably ask MN to delete the thread now if I were you.

ItsAllAboutTheSideQuests · 23/10/2026 08:57

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Longtimelurker1980 · 23/10/2026 08:29

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 18:40

Thank you.

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Sorry OP I only read the first page.

well done for being so honest and magnanimous. That’s all anyone can ever ask of you. We all have shit days and fuck up, it’s how you handle it.

Longtimelurker1980 · 23/10/2026 08:27

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:28

She had it playing for a couple of minutes while she was gathering her things.

I think she should have turned it off as soon as she stopped the car.

Christ alive I wouldn’t want to work for you. You are being ridiculously unreasonable.

What goes around comes around, remember that. Change your attitude or life will not be kind to you.

Chefpig · 23/10/2026 08:23

Why does you living in a large house on a farm have any relevance to your post? You mentioning that alone makes you sound like a twonk.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/10/2026 08:16

Droplet789 · 23/10/2026 06:45

How ridiculous. She was commuting to work so outside of working hours and you’re controlling what she does. You need to get a grip.

Considering this was yesterday and there’s over 300 posts, why not read the updates before commenting?

Droplet789 · 23/10/2026 06:45

How ridiculous. She was commuting to work so outside of working hours and you’re controlling what she does. You need to get a grip.

SEareyourealyesorno · 23/10/2026 04:00

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 22/10/2026 16:29

Its half term next week that batshit posts are starting already it seems

These posts that appear to be engagement farming are appearing all the time now. They have a devisive AIBU. It will end up like social media where people are just arguing with bots.

pinck · 23/10/2026 03:57

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ItsAllAboutTheSideQuests · 23/10/2026 03:50

pinck · 23/10/2026 01:51

Oh, so you feel sorry for the OP but apparently have absolutely no problem being nasty to me? Makes perfect sense. I haven't exactly been the only person criticizing her on here and she only recently explained her circumstances. I'm terribly sorry I didn't somehow know her entire medical history before she shared it. Once she did, I apologized. What more would you like, a handwritten letter and a fruit basket? And for the record, I can sympathize with what she's been through while still thinking yelling at an employee over four minutes of music was unnecessary. Apparently nuance is a difficult concept.

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Meh, whatever. Doesn't matter what her medical history is. Go feel sorry for yourself and be nasty elsewhere.

QuestionableMouse · 23/10/2026 03:49

NoMusicPlease · 23/10/2026 00:24

Keeps me company, mostly. General cleaning, though anything heavy I get a specialist company in (the oven, for example), does laundry, helps me to put groceries away, takes me out in the car on the days I'm feeling well too want to go out.

I was in a horrible car crash in 2024 and am now paralyzed from the chest down. I'm still adapting and figuring out how to do things. My dentist is a close family friend now because she rebuilt my mouth after it was smashed to bits. I was also pregnant at the time and lost the baby. I also had a total nervous breakdown and was severely anxious, have PTSD and agoraphobia.

I didn't really want to share all that but I feel like people are judging me so it's probably time for full disclosure.

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@ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm @Slugfest @IamtheDevilsAvocado

Maybe read the fucking full thread, huh?

Slugfest · 23/10/2026 03:37

Does she have to avert her eyes when speaking as well?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/10/2026 03:33

NoMusicPlease · 22/10/2026 16:28

She had it playing for a couple of minutes while she was gathering her things.

I think she should have turned it off as soon as she stopped the car.

You sound incredibly unreasonable... I wouldn't work for you!

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 23/10/2026 02:33

You sound,frankly,like a bit of a cow.

pinck · 23/10/2026 01:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh, so you feel sorry for the OP but apparently have absolutely no problem being nasty to me? Makes perfect sense. I haven't exactly been the only person criticizing her on here and she only recently explained her circumstances. I'm terribly sorry I didn't somehow know her entire medical history before she shared it. Once she did, I apologized. What more would you like, a handwritten letter and a fruit basket? And for the record, I can sympathize with what she's been through while still thinking yelling at an employee over four minutes of music was unnecessary. Apparently nuance is a difficult concept.

Realhousewife1978 · 23/10/2026 01:50

Crikey - that is bizarre - how mean of you

ItsAllAboutTheSideQuests · 23/10/2026 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sealedbidswoes · 23/10/2026 01:33

pinck · 22/10/2026 20:44

Lol, $27 an hour isn't even a particularly good wage for housecleaning, let alone the exceptionally generous rate you seem to think it is. My parents had a cleaner come weekly over 20 years ago and because my mom was an absolute neat freak, they were only at our house for about 2–3 hours and yet they paid $100 per visit, which worked out to roughly $35–$50 an hour, OVER TWO DECADES AGO. We pay our cleaner more than that now, so I'm really not sure why you think $27 an hour in 2026 is some incredible act of generosity.

Show quote history

BS. I live in the north and pay my cleaners £27/hr and they are the most expensive in the area. And don’t forget that paying self employed cleaners for a couple of hours a week (with all the overheads they will have to cover) is worlds apart from actually employing someone full time (who will have all the associated benefits and protections).

wandawaves · 23/10/2026 01:31

NoMusicPlease · 23/10/2026 00:24

Keeps me company, mostly. General cleaning, though anything heavy I get a specialist company in (the oven, for example), does laundry, helps me to put groceries away, takes me out in the car on the days I'm feeling well too want to go out.

I was in a horrible car crash in 2024 and am now paralyzed from the chest down. I'm still adapting and figuring out how to do things. My dentist is a close family friend now because she rebuilt my mouth after it was smashed to bits. I was also pregnant at the time and lost the baby. I also had a total nervous breakdown and was severely anxious, have PTSD and agoraphobia.

I didn't really want to share all that but I feel like people are judging me so it's probably time for full disclosure.

Show quote history

Oh, you poor love, what an awful time you've been through.

Good on you for apologising to your housekeeper.

Original poster
NoMusicPlease · 23/10/2026 01:27

Holidaymodeon · 23/10/2026 01:24

You sound horrible. I hope this is made up. Margo Ledbetter was a comedy character as was hyacinth bouquet (bucket) they were funny because they were grotesque imitations of snobs.
In real life they’d be obnoxious.
you should apologise, say you were having a off day and you should never have tried to control what she does in the privacy of her own vehicle.
you should grovel unless you’re happy to lose her

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Please read all of my posts.

OP posts: