Poking holes in condoms!

I'm sorry, what now?

Are you actually serious?

It’s not rape. That has a very specific definition. Nobody had a penis inserted into them against their will.

It should, however, be classified as a serious sexual assault and it a disgusting thing to do to the unwilling parent and the poor child who will be born not having been wanted by both parents.

OP - I don’t think I could continue to be friends with someone who had done this. Every time I saw that child I would feel sad. Especially as it also sounds like the family have enough on their plate already with three children, one of whom has significant disabilities, and parents who clearly have a dysfunctional and abusive relationship. This doesn’t bode well for the future for this child and the existing three. 😔

Then why is it that whenever an OP posts to say their usual method of contraception has failed they are always told they should have used a condom as well. And it’s only ever a matter of time before the shouts of ‘well he should have had a vasectomy’ start.

Crikey. Why does she want to make her life more difficult than it already is?

Regardless of whether he knows or not, he needs to get on the waiting list for the snip (with or without her consent).

My sister took fifteen years to get pregnant trying with 2 different partners multiple rounds of IVF with both. For me, the first we decided we would try, I came off the pill and I think my partner pretty much winked at me across the room and I got pregnant. The second we thought we needed to wait because I had a c-section- I was breastfeeding and we were using condoms and I still fell pregnant.

The problem with the I’ve used condoms and it’s never happened to me argument is it completely ignores the underlying levels of fertility. It’s also incredibly damaging to all those people who do have accidents because it puts in a level of suspicion that is often uncalled for.

And with the morning after pill, it’s fine if you’ve forgotten your contraception, but in the case of an accident it’s often too late and you are then looking at an abortion-which not everyone agrees with or feels able to do.

Not thinking about the child then.

Absolutely agree.

Happened to a friend of mine. He took the condom off without her realising. She got pregnant.

But hey, "meh" right? It "depends on the context". Maybe he really wanted a child. She shouldn't have had sex if she wasn't prepared for the possibility of pregnancy.

Apparently. According to some of these replies

Women are perfectly capable of abstaining too but they don't, they have sex then wail and moan that they didn't expect to get pregnant. They are usually treated with support and given an option to not proceed with the pg. Are you suggesting that all women abstain from sex and have sex only for the purpose of reproduction?

Seriously? What would you say if a man came inside you and got you pregnant without your consent?

It's the same.

Why did you just assume they were being strung along? Have you changed your opinion now you know they have 3 children?

Exactly what I was about to say. It would be considered a form of abuse, whether it was getting a woman who was ttc to take the pill or substituting a pill for a different tablet to manipulate a pregnancy. It's just typical MN bias to assume the man is somehow at fault and try to defend a woman's actions no matter how immoral

People are allowed to change their mind and that's when further discussions are needed...I just don't ever think it's right to trick someone into having a child they may not want. In the scenario you've described, my options would be to agree to only having 1 child or to leave and have a second with someone else. I would not take it upon myself to stop contraception and hope he felt differently once I was pregnant.
As it happens, I did fall pregnant again completely unplanned when DS was 11 months. He was a bit stressed to begin with re finances/living arrangements but once we came up with a plan, he actually was excited. That pregnancy ended in a second trimester miscarriage which we were and are still both devastated about and ultimately it hasn't changed his position on the future and trying again.

There’s a term for that and it’s reproductive coercion. It’s legally recognised as controlling or coercive behaviour and is a serious crime.

All these posters saying: "Surely he would notice?"

Well he didn't! She could have put it on. They could have had sex in the dark. A literal pinprick (no pun intended) is all it takes to render a condom useless and yes you can damage a condom through the wrapper. It can be really hard to detect if a condom has been sabotaged - just google it if you don't believe me.

😂

That is disgusting behaviour. The first response says 'meh! So what?' Unbelievable! Imagine if a man did this in order to get a woman pregnant against her wishes? Good grief.

That’s shocking… What was her motivation? She is as insane and she is unscrupulous.

I wonder how @AgeingMillennial and @DebbieSavage will twist that to be the man’s fault?

Yes I saw that so edited. I’m still not buying it though,

Yes, so can I.

This woman was being very selfish indeed.

No one on mumsnet has sex for fun! It’s for reproductive purposes only

Presumably by putting a hole through the packet too!

At the very least find a trustworthy woman.