DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

There’s crashing nativity here - not wanting to share a room with a boy (or girl if it was reversed) isn’t about sexualising children, it’s about protecting the dignity and privacy of the females and not endangering the boy by leaving them open to accusations or feeling uncomfortable.

Most girls have already hit puberty at 10. Boobs and periods are enough to deal with without throwing a boy sleeping with them into the mix. Look at it this way; the housing act
prohibits siblings sharing a room at 10. Changing rooms and toilets tend to recommend boys over 7 using their own gender facilities. It would have to be an emergency situation for my son to share a room with a female. Not a chance. I don’t have girls, but if I did, I think I’d be questioning the overall judgement of any parent who thinks this is ok.

I agree with you. I think if the other girl's mother had an issue it should be her daughter who misses out, not the OP's son. It's very mean to uninvite someone. He's 10 fgs, still a child. I would be very upset if it was my son

Can you honestly not think of how to explain this without giving him the impression his friend doesn’t like him anymore?

Just explain that not everyone is comfortable with mixed sex sleepovers as kids get older, it’s one of those things, it’s likely to happen more as kids start puberty. It’s disapponting but maybe he can do sleepovers with female friends whose parents know him better, maybe he can still go but come home before bedtime, etc.

It always seems to be the parents of boys who have the more relaxed attitude of they’re too young or just friends or they’ve always been closer to girls; or indeed when they’re older of course they can have their girlfriend stay over if they’re going to have sex they’ll do it anyway.

This is representative that the risk to girls is greater. Boy mums seem happy to accept the risk and put the burden onto girl mums

He will be upset - I don't think you can avoid that. I know it's awful when your child has bad news (sometimes I actually think it's worse for parents) but it's the reality. Even if it wasn't this issue sometimes there are issues in friend groups that you can't resolve and you just have to let them experience the disappointment.

I would ask if he can attend the earlier part of the evening and maybe arrange a SO with the birthday girl for another weekend. I totally get where the mum who isn't comfortable is coming from tbh. Yes, he is still missing out but I don't see what else you can do.

Yes I agree that in year 6 children will be very aware of the changes that happen between boys and girls and may be going through these, so I can see why one mum wasn't keen on it.

Think about it, even in school the older years would get changed separately for PE whereas the younger years all change in the same classroom.

I think it's cutting off your nose to spite your face saying he would feel sad not to go for the whole thing and it's best not to go for pizza and the film. I would check with the mum whether this option is available.

I would explain to him why he can't go as I think it is a reasonable request.

Absolutely this.

My son wanted to have sleepovers with female friends at similar ages, I just said it was not appropriate and they could still meet up/be friends but not stay over together.

Yeah he doesn't need to sleep there. I'm sure once kids are hitting puberty/having periods it'll naturally become less accepted to have mixed sleepovers. At least to some people.

Brilliant suggestion and advice x

No one is running around naked in public toilets either but we still are mindful of a need for privacy and dignity, and the onset of puberty is a good age for that.

Some of those girls will have started their periods, developing breasts and I wonder whether this friend is one of them

This is a really good idea and one I’d suggest to the host mum…x

How unfortunate. Bit of a storm in a teacup in my book and the complainant parent seems OTT to me.

How hard to explain this to him - to suddenly inject the received wisdom that males are a threat - a burden he will have to learn to live with.

I am probably being naive but what is the issue with mixed sleepovers at this age if they’re all friends? Other posters keep talking about the difference between boys and girls but how would you actually explain this to a child as justification for not allowing mixed sleepovers? Assuming everyone isn’t running around naked or getting changed in the same room and also assuming 10 year olds are aware they have different body parts.

Just tell him the truth . Being a boy - He’s gonna have a lifetime of having to be careful around females - this is just the start unfortunately.

If the mother hasn't suggested he attend just for the pizza and films, please don't propose this. Your son is certainly old enough to be told that he's aged out of mixed sex sleepovers. I wouldn't have agreed to this with my own sons at that age simply for their own protection from any accusation.

As the other Mum hasn't mentioned that as a option i'd leave it. Asking might make the Mum feel awkward having to say No again

Just ask OP and take it from there. We all have to deal with disappointments - it's a skill best learned well before adulthood. He may be more sensible and resilient than you give him credit for.

Just say he can have a sleepover with one of his friends? Or is he only friends with this group?

And I can guarantee the birthday girl will be closer to some than others at this age

I thought this would be about behaviours or something.

Tell him the truth. And ... I sort of understand it. I am not sure if I would be happy with it from either side. It also protects your DS. It is a difficult age, periods, puberty... Phones....

It will now be about navigating friendships and get togethers.

Of course only if the mum is ok with it, but I would really encourage him to go for just pizza and the movie, because I’d want to encourage him to keep the friendship but with the caveat that now they’re getting older there are certain boundaries. And he should be told the truth of course. In fact this is a good opportunity to talk about how things are changing.

I’ve got a 10 year old and I’d be really sad about this. Maybe I’ve just got a ‘young’ 10yo but this being an issue doesn’t cross my mind. I have two daughters and all of them had mixed sex sleepovers at that age. Maybe I’m just being naive?
Either way the truth is best op. As the birthday girls mum is fine with it, could you invite her to yours for a sleepover on another day and make the evening really special for them?

Re "I did wonder about suggesting he goes for the pizza and films and then comes home before they go to sleep but I’m not sure if thats actually any better. He’d still know he was missing the sleepover bit and all the fun the girls will be having after he’s gone, and I think he’d probably be quite upset about that too. I’m a bit stuck really." I think you are projecting here - don't spoil this option with your expectation that he would be disappointed. Give him the chance to enjoy what's on offer and not mind about what's not.

Of course it’s better. I think you need to use this opportunity calmly and realistically explain him the reality of differences between girls and boys.
I don’t think it’s about who has a priority he or this other friend, it looks for me like birthday parents haven’t thought it through in a way.