DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

Well said I have only boys too and I completely agree. I may be old now but I still remember what I was like around boys as a child I only had a sister as did all my friends, I had no men in my life other than my dad and I didn’t like boys and was uncomfortable round them. Not saying that was ideal either but it is how it was.

Not if Ava's mum raised it with the party host, and party host realised that actually yes maybe it was inappropriate and/or discussed with other Mum's and realised this.

It is better to stop these things too soon than too late.

Would @StepAwayFromGoogling be happy with mixed sex sleepovers at say 13? If no then we are just discussing the age to stop. If yes then they are so far off the same page as me as to be in a different library so we would have no common ground on this topic.

Just realised I didn’t actually answer your question, Tell him the truth and it’s easy to use other situations such as school trips and scout camps where boys and girls sleep separately. Tell him you will try to organise a celebration with his friend on a different day.

I have multiple girls and as long as they were cool with it I would give a toss

Why do you think her ‘boy buddy’ is OK but not her other male friends, though? Just because they’ve known each other a long time, that doesn’t mean they don’t have the same kinds of feelings at puberty as school friends might have.

To be honest it’s far less likely that anything will happen at a group sleepover. If anything’s going to happen it’s more likely to happen between two kids left alone.

I think the mother of the sleepover has handled this badly. If they were on a y6 residential they would have separate bathrooms a dormitories and I think that's absolutely fine. In this case where everyone had already been invited it might've been better to make the whole event a non sleepover. Not sure what she was thinking having a mixed sleepover to be honest.

Anyway, it's done and you should just tell your son the truth and say that girls often go through puberty earlier than the boys so it's no longer appropriate, sleepover friend's Mum should've realised that before inviting you but no big deal, I will pick you up at 11pm.

Social housing won't allow two DC of opposite sexes to share a bedroom once over 10, the NSPCC advocate 10 as the highest age mixed sex DC should share a room, in both cases referring to siblings. As the Op's DS is nearly eleven it's not outrageous for a DM to think sleepovers will be all girls by this point.

Oh give over. He doesn’t understand that boys and girls are different and what is and isn’t appropriate? If this is truly the case please speak to him about consent and boundaries asap ffs

It's not 'sad', it's assuming a 10 year old boy is likely to be an abuser of 10 year old girls. The underlying assumptions here are horrible.

Year 6 is definitely the right age imo for mixed sex sleepovers to stop,
If I were the mum I would have had him come for the pizzas/film and either drop him home late or you collect late OR I would say let’s take them out for pizza/cinema another day.

I don’t have girls, but if I did, I think I’d be questioning the overall judgement of any parent who thinks this is ok

I agree. I have 2 girls and it wouldn't be ok with me.

If Ava’s mum is the only one that’s “uncomfortable” then surely she should be the one telling Ava she can’t go?
This is shit on your son to miss out because of that Mum

At 10?!?!

You’re just going round in circles. He can’t go and it’s totally appropriate that he can’t go and he needs to learn that now. I’m really not sure what the issue is with that. The process of him being uninvited is sad but the reason is fine. I’m blown away you’re so blasé about it.

You sound like the Mums of boys who were brought into the changing room at the health club I used to go to. Communal changing only and I’d have to stand there with some 8 or 9 year old staring at me. To be fair, my parent said the same happened in the mens so they’d go home without showering sometimes as they were afraid of being accused of exposing themselves.

Kids look at what is different. doesn’t mean they will be a pervert when older. Doesn’t mean a mixed sex sleepover is ok. So many examples of this not happening - scouts, school trips, changing for PE at school, advise on use of changing rooms (not that David Lloyd bothered to uphold this), council
house bedroom allocation 10 plus…

I think parents who think their child is
different are naive and dangerous. Some kibbutz tried this in misguided attempts to create equality but it’s not equality it’s endangering children and it’s primarily girls who are most vulnerable -and I say this as a boy only mum.

Of course it’s sexualising children. If the children weren’t being viewed in terms of their sex and the perceived sexual implications of sharing a room, why would their sleeping in the same room automatically be considered inappropriate? Privacy and dignity are perfectly legitimate considerations, but they don’t explain why sharing a bedroom with a child of the opposite sex is inherently more problematic than sharing with a child of the same sex

I'm being neither difficult or dogmatic. Choose better adjectives. I can't believe that you all genuinely feel it is OK for a 10 year old boy to be UNINVITED because someone else is uncomfortable. If the other girl is uncomfortable about a boy being there SHE leaves after the film and pizza. You don't disinvite a 10 year old boy. He's done nothing wrong. Jesus.

id tell him some parents arent comfortable with mixed sex sleepovers so his friends mum has decided the sleepover party is just for girls. Its nothing personal to him.
Could he just attend the movie and pizza but not sleepover?

I absolutely would not have my daughter at a mixed sleepover.

She has sleepovers with her best boy buddy - they’ve known each other since birth. But school friends? No way.

There are some naive people on this thread. It's not that these children don't know that boys and girls are different but rather that they do. Now some people may be "cool" about youthful sexual experimenting but I am not one of them. I know of a 12 year old girl and it was many decades ago and she became pregnant with a teenage boyfriend little older than her. Abortions were very difficult to get in our country at the time but luckily her parents had money and she was flown overseas for a termination. Her family were very upper middle class and had no idea that their 12 year old daughter was sexually active.

I totally agree!

Even if your daughter was saying “please mum I would prefer her to come rather than him. Please!!!!”

If the girl's mum isn't comfortable she should pull her daughter out not expect you to pull your son out.

At school they would have separate changing areas by now for PE, and definitely no mixed sex dorms on trips.

So you are right, no different from school, no mixed sex sleepovers.

It isn’t just about periods. It’s just generally about what’s appropriate.

I don't look at my 6 year old son and think he is a potential rapist. But I also do not think it is punishing men or boys or treating them like a rapist, or potential abusers, to not allow them access to girls by sharing beds or bedrooms after a certain age. That is really all it is. Talk about periods and so on is just journaled for privacy.