DS has been uninvited from a sleepover and I don’t know what to tell him

So? The OPs 10 year old won't be able to help himself staring at breasts through pyjamas? Or asking about periods? Seriously?

Problem is often no one wants to be the voice of dissent and risk isolating their child.

But I think privacy should be granted to children without them being made to ask for it, I really do.

I would tell him the real reason - it's no longer appropriate for boys/girls to have mixed sex sleepovers at this age, it's not personal to him and he's done nothing wrong, but it's a decision the adults have made. Tell him you are sorry the decision was made after he was invited but it would have been the same result if the adults had thought about it in time. That you know he feels disappointed but it's part of growing up.

Don't make anyone the villain here. It's actually the right decision.

This thread seems to have turned more into a debate about whether mixed sex sleepovers are allowed at age 10. The birthday girl’s Mum and OP had no problem with it. Ava’s Mum did. Why isn’t Ava sitting it out given DS and birthday girl have been close friends for years?

DS is in year 6, 10 but turns 11 next month. One of his closest friends is having a sleepover next weekend for her birthday and invited him along with 5 other girls. He’s the only boy.

He’s always got on better with girls really. He’s got a couple of boy mates but theyre more school friends if that makes sense, whereas the girls are who he actually wants to spend time with outside school. He’s been friends with this particular girl since year 3 and they’ve been to each others houses loads of times, so it’s not like they’ve only just started hanging about together.

Anyway he was invited last week. They were going to have pizza, watch films and all sleep in the living room.

Yesterday the mum messaged me saying she’d had a conversation with one of the other mums who wasnt comfortable with her DD staying overnight if a boy was there. Apparently she’d not really thought about it before but had decided she was going to make it girls only after all. So DS is no longer invited.

I do understand that its her house and she can have whatever rules she wants but I feel really uncomfortable about the way its happened. He was invited and now he’s been dropped because another parent has an issue with it. The birthday girl apparently still wants him there and they’ve not fallen out or anything.

I havent told him yet because I honestly dont know how to explain it without him thinking she’s changed her mind about being his friend. He doesnt get invited to that many sleepovers and he was genuinely excited about this one.

Part of me thinks I should just say the plans have changed and leave it at that, but then he’s going to find out at school when the other girls talk about it.

Would you tell him the actual reason or keep it vague? And would you say anything to the mum or just leave it now?

Just be honest. No one is in the wrong. They are just getting to an age where girls and boys become much more aware of each other.

My daughter had and still has male best friends. She invited one of them to her sleepover in year 6. I advised her that I would need to let the other parents know so they could make a decision they felt comfortable with in terms of letting their daughter come to the sleepover. They were all fine with it. If they hadn't been then their child wouldn't have attended. My daughter was happy with that scenario and understood others may not be as comfortable for a mixed sleepover.

He was her best friend and he was the one she wanted there most. I think in this scenario the other girl is the preferred friend. I'm sorry your ds has been uninvited.

I'd just tell him the truth as soon and simply as possible, that you're sorry but he can't go to the sleepover because one of the mothers felt like the kids were getting too old for boys at a girls' sleepover. We all have our little disappointments in life and just have to deal with them.

I would not call the girl's mother and ask that he be partially included. I think the mother is not following the best etiquette herself to un-invite him but of course it's her house and her option. Still, if she'd wanted to partially invite him anyway, she would have. And her behavior or your child not liking it isn't really an excuse to lower your own etiquette standards, in my opinion. Inviting yourself (or your child) is nearly always cringeworthy, in my opinion.

It's also possible that some assumedly unnamed other mother is not the reason your son was un-invited. It could be the sleepover hostess decided this herself (or her husband did, if she has one) and wanted to dodge the blame. I think "social lies" are very common, so I wouldn't assume the reason given is even necessarily the real reason.

Of course we hate to see our kids disappointed, though. You might offer your son a little something to soften the blow. Maybe have some of the kids over another day or take them somewhere, or take him somewhere cool the evening of the sleepover. Good luck with it.

Completeme

did I miss a post? This seems like a random call, we know nothing about op’s son who is friends will all girls so is already on the right track tbh

I think one good reason Ava shouldn't be made to sit out would be that it would give both children a broader understanding that male entitlement trumps female bodily autonomy and privacy.

This thread seems to have turned more into a debate about whether mixed sex sleepovers are allowed at age 10. The birthday girl’s Mum and OP had no problem with it. Ava’s Mum did. Why isn’t Ava sitting it out given DS and birthday girl have been close friends for years?