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Original poster

Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

157 replies

Eluj · Today 14:59

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · Today 15:34

@freshrain makes an excellent point. Even without the wedding, you are celebrating your child’s visit. A child who just paid for expensive plane tickets. Paying for dinner if it doesn’t hurt your budget is pretty standard.

MerryAquaKoala · Today 15:34

EgregiouslyOverdressed · Today 15:01

It would be a lovely gesture. Why on earth does your husband say no?

Agreed

Ponderingwindow · Today 15:32

Is he actually upset he wasn’t at the wedding? That is the only reason I can think of for that parents not paying for this meal.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · Today 15:32

Unless you really can’t afford it, it would be nice to pay for it.

Your husband is being mean.

Neuronimo · Today 15:32

YANBU it sounds like a lovely idea.

Freshrain · Today 15:32

I'll be honest, if any of my dc lived abroad, and I only got to see them occasionally, when they flew in to spend time with us and Grandparents, I'd treat them to a lovely meal out without a special occasion to celebrate.

The fact it is a chance to have a little celebration of their wedding, there would be no question (finances allowing).

Has your dh articulated why he doesn't want to ?

thepariscrimefiles · Today 15:32

Your husband is tight-fisted and mean. Considering the huge amount of money that many parents pay for their daughter's wedding, paying a restaurant bill for nine people is a very small price to pay to celebrate his own daughter's marriage with friends and family.

NotAnotherScarf · Today 15:30

If they had a big fancy wedding would he have put his hand in his pocket then? My bil would be doing cartwheels if his single daughter did this! We're a traditional family and pay for most things for kids weddings.

excelledyourself · Today 15:29

If you can afford it on your own, just do it.

Your husband sounds pretty rubbish.

I by no means believe parents should stretch themselves to pay for their children’s weddings, but I’m sure you would have offered to contribute what you can afford in some way, so this is just an alternative.

Call it wedding gift. Or did he not want you to even do that?

kiwiane · Today 15:27

I hope that you have your own money and I’d pay for the meal; I’d take a good look at the state of your finances and your access to shared funds.

lemmein · Today 15:27

I think it would be weird to not pay!

T1MumOf1 · Today 15:26

Of course, your husband is a miserable git.

Wingingit73 · Today 15:25

Yes absolutely

Shinyandnew1 · Today 15:24

What’s his reasoning? I feel like you have only given part of the story here.

CherryKerry · Today 15:22

I would be telling my DH it's not a problem, I'll just pay for it out of my own hard earned money and he doesn't need to contribute apart from paying me back for the cost of his meal.

Seziah · Today 15:20

What is his reasoning? Would he not have paid to travel to the wedding if they’d had guests?

Random321 · Today 15:19

What a miserable man!

Why don't you just pay for it? If he has sn issue with that or you can't spend money without his permission, you have much bigger problems.

Lomonald · Today 15:17

Why doesn't he want to ? Is he annoyed the got married on their own, not that it matters why

I don't understand tightness for the sake of it, just pay for it if you want.

TFImBackIn · Today 15:15

Of course you're right. What's his excuse for wanting to attend but not pay? She's just saved you both a fortune by having such a quiet wedding!

Bumcake · Today 15:15

Your husband is mean.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · Today 15:14

Its your CHILD who got married. Pay for the meal.

Wtf is wrong with your husband?
Is he not her biological father?

Geronimode · Today 15:14

my parents would, my mil would and when i’m older i would too.

My friend had a quiet wedding and her family paid for a party a year on. When their dad gave a speech he joked that this was a much cheaper option.

ratatouillemousesqueak · Today 15:13

I think it would be lovely to do this.

why does he say no?! Would have cost him a lot more to fly out for a wedding!

also it’s so refreshing to hear a post from a parent who has accepted someone’s wedding choose without a big drama!

Createausername1970 · Today 15:11

It would be nice to pay for it.

Had they had a "normal" wedding then no doubt there would have been additional expenses for you. And bearing in mind she lives abroad then you may have had flights to cover as well.

A nice meal for 9 could be £500-£600 - but probably cheaper than flights and accommodation. I would see it as a win!

HideousKinky · Today 15:11

Yes I would certainly want to pay it