MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

Being bored for a few hours at his grandparents’ house won’t harm him. In fact, stepping in to prevent him from experiencing any mild discomfort or boredom can do him a disservice, as learning to cope with these feelings is part of healthy development and helps build resilience and emotional regulation.

Even if his grandparents aren’t actively playing with him, there’s value in spending time with family and building those relationships. Your DH could always speak to them about ways they can engage him.

There’s also nothing stopping him from playing with the younger children. He’s only six himself, and I’m sure there are plenty of games they could play, even if it’s not quite as exciting as playing with his school friend.

Ultimately, you can arrange playdates with his friend at other times, rather than expecting to fit them in during visits to the grandparents that you’ve already committed to.

Your in laws are absolute fools - what a way to make your grandchild not want to visit.

What is he supposed to do? Sit and gawp in awe at simply being in his grandparent’s presence? If they are not going to interact with him, and he has exhausted all other avenues of entertaining himself, then he can go and play with the neighbour or you can leave. It’s that simple.

During the primary school years I was allowed to take a friend to my grandparents, to stop being bored. However what's the set up of the house like? Are they getting cold with the door getting opened? Can they just come in the back way, or is the door getting knocked on by the minutes? I can see why that would get on an older person's nerves. Ultimately it's their house and they don't want the other children in it.

Adult visits are so dull for kids at that age. I would ask him to spend an hour or so at first and be back for the meal, but otherwise to stay at the neighbours’ house rather than running back and forth. If nobody is playing with him what is he expected to do? I remember vividly when my cousins weren’t at my grandparents house and I had to just sit while they all were chatting, I wasn’t even allowed to read because it was “rude” in company.

If the in laws are not interacting with your son, why should he be bored staring longingly at his friend? Tell the in laws he is bored and cannot play with the littlest, so do they want to play with him or do an activity with him throughout the visit. If no, ok then he can call on his friend. Otherwise try declining some visits and take him on a playdate with the neighbours instead. Your DH can always pop to see them whilst you and DS are busy.

He's 6. Maybe he really doesn't want to spend time with them. At that age they need a bit of entertaining and you or the ILs need to do that or he'll find something else they don't want him to do.
What does he do at home if he's on his own? Do the ILs just want to look at him and not actually do anything with him?

As long as your DS doesn't disappear EVERY time you go to visit his grandparents, in my opinion it shouldn't be a problem, but if he's started to go next door every time you visit, then they're probably feeling a bit hurt that he appears not to want to spend time with them.

I guess if you're going to see your in laws then really you should spend time there.

I get annoyed with my own kids going back and forth between the neighbourhood kids, in and out, it can drive me mad, I can see why your in laws wouldn't fancy it.

Can you arrange a seperate play date with the neighbours?