MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

Poor kid. It sounds really boring for him. How often do you go to the GPs?

Part of the fun of going to visit family was meeting up with school friends who lived near them. It was so exciting.

Op, as a granny to 8 ranging from 4-21 I only want to see my grandchildren happy and if I had to share their visits to me I’d be okay to facilitate visits with friends. In fact I’d have their friends into play in the garden and have their tea here.

Is if possible your inlaws don’t feel involved with your children and the visits are very big in their head and emotions to the extent they don’t want to share the children. ETA - My grandchildren play a very big part in my life and I’m not jealous of them spending time with others.

I think I’d be looking into that.

Arrange play dates for times you're not visiting ILs. I wouldn't allow my DC to do this, I'd think it was rude for them to go off when we're visiting family.
Children don't need to be entertained at all times, there's nothing wrong with them getting bored. It's also good for them to learn to interact with adults and younger children.

He is your child. In-laws don’t get to dictate. You are the parent. They sound really closed off, boring, and wanting everything on their own terms.
Just no.

Playing with other kids is not equivalent to eating sweets. In fact it’s very good for them.

Your in laws sound controlling. He's a little boy. Let him play for a bit!

I'd tell MIL calmly but firmly it wasn't up to her if he saw his friend. I would however ask DS not to bring his friends to in laws house as they don't like it and for him to call on his friends every other visit to in-laws at a maximum so he is still spending time with his grandparents.

Is it not also awful manners to invite your grandson over and make no effort with him? No helping to cook, helping in the garden, crafts, playing toys, books?

If they were engaging more, I’d have agreed with you but it sounds like they’re doing nothing and complaining when he quite naturally wants to play with friends instead.

Teach him what?

That he should give his full attention to grandma and grandad, but get nothing in return from them.

No thanks.

I haven’t voted as I think it depends on lots of things. How often do you visit them? How much time do you spend with them when you do visit? How often does your dc play with next door in comparison?

If you only pop in for an hour once a week I think it’s fine to ask him
to stick around but if your there 4 hours then that’s slightly different.

That being said I am a firm
believer that relationships work both ways and if they don’t try and engage with him
they can’t be upset when he wants to spend time elsewhere

They have a house full and then other random children are joining and coming and going. I can see why that is annoying.

Many children would rather eat sweets for every meal and never have a bath. Adults are there to teach children, not just let them do what they want all the time.

Firstly, boredom isn’t the end of the world. And what a ridiculous idea that a child can’t be entertained by himself, with other children or alone. Of course he can. Playing with his friends might be more fun but sometimes we forgo a more fun activity because of a prior engagement. He’s not old enough to understand why it is awful manners to go to visit someone and then ditch them for something more fun, but his parents are supposed to teach him.

We all have friends, family or acquaintances who are a bit dull. That doesn’t make it okay to be horrible to them. The in laws are clearly not okay with being ditched in favour of a friend, and imo its the right thing to say no to DS.

I guess it depends on a lot of variables here. How often are you there and for how long? What is the actual problem? That he’s away or that he’s inviting someone into their home? I think it’s very unfair to assume your in-laws are happy to host regular play dates but if you’re there every weekend for hours and hours I can’t see why he couldn’t spend some of that time playing outside with a friend.

That doesn’t sound like a very fond memory though? There are plenty of opportunities to be bored as a kid, I think it would be nicer to have fond memories of playing with his friend while visiting grandparents instead of remembering being bored and ignored

Im in my 20s and this was also my experience of grandmas house. It was dull as anything, and it didn’t make me want to visit. It may be ‘normal’ but it’s not something to aspire to imo.

Children would rather visit an engaged grandparent, or at least one who lets them pay with their friends if they aren’t going to!

I don't think it's unreasonable to want your visitors to just visit you and not combine it with a playdate

I think it seems that they don't want the neighbours kids in their house which is their prerogative . But maybe neighbour doesn't want your DS there all the visits either . Playing outside for awhile but meals with GPs a possibility? It's all very well saying that they want to spend time with the DCs but they should actively engage with them .

But OP says her DS gets bored of playing alone, with his parents or with much younger children.

Why aren’t ILs doing more to interact with him? It would be rude if he left an activity with then, that isn’t happening.

I can see why they don’t want another kid playing in their home when their grandson has come to visit. Kids can be bored for a couple of hours. I remember having to go and visit elderly relatives for hours on end having to just sit and listen to them chat. No phones etc to distract in those days. I do think its a little rude you go and visit and he goes off and knocks for a friend. So see their point.

It sounds like the main issue is that he’s bringing the neighbour kids into their house to play. I can see how that would be annoying for them. I think it would be more fine they played outside, but he needs to first spend time with his grandparents and he should eat with the rest of the family at their house, not the neighbours,

If he's bored take a big box of toys, colouring pads, jigsaws and games and give them to the ILs when you arrive. When they've exhausted everything in that box then he's allowed to go elsewhere.

My mother's house is a freezing cold museum and my daughter hates going. But i take her and make her granny play with her as otherwise she moans she never sees her.

Youre going to visit grandparents and he disappears to his friends? If so that’s really rude. While he’s too young to understand basic manners, you aren’t. I’m not surprised at MN saying it’s fine to be rude to your in laws, but in real life I don’t know anyone who would do this.

Are you saying you see the in laws every or most weekends? They are bu. If this is the case, I’d reduce the amount of time I see them if they are like this with my dc.

Being bored for a few hours at his grandparents’ house won’t harm him. In fact, stepping in to prevent him from experiencing any mild discomfort or boredom can do him a disservice, as learning to cope with these feelings is part of healthy development and helps build resilience and emotional regulation.

Even if his grandparents aren’t actively playing with him, there’s value in spending time with family and building those relationships. Your DH could always speak to them about ways they can engage him.

There’s also nothing stopping him from playing with the younger children. He’s only six himself, and I’m sure there are plenty of games they could play, even if it’s not quite as exciting as playing with his school friend.

Ultimately, you can arrange playdates with his friend at other times, rather than expecting to fit them in during visits to the grandparents that you’ve already committed to.