MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

I’d shorten the visit.
12-4 would be plenty.

What I'd do is:

• take toys/books/pen and paper to the in-laws if they don't have that stuff there.
• Always say you have to be away by a specific time to manage expectations.
• Contact DC's friends' parents and arrange a playdate for after the end of the visit and pick him up later.
• Obviously have the other child back at yours another time.

Do you ever invite the neighbour’s child to your house @Hellotodays

Well, no, the MIL has said he's not to bring the neighbour's child over anymore to walk in and out of her house and garden, along with her older sister and it's not OPs place to attempt to circumvent another person's choices in their own home.

The solution is they just visit for a normal length of time, a couple of hours, then leave.

I get them not wanting the kids in & out.

A whole day is a long time & I'd probably say he could see his friend after lunch for example.

Exactly, long visits tend to be if you live a distance away.

Agreed, it's completely unnecessary.

OP is fine with slagging her mil off behind her back on a public forum, but can't just say "Oh, look at the time, we'll be off now" to her face, which is really all that's needed.

I can’t get my head around spending the whole day at your in laws when they live so close by. Why do you stay all day? No wondered he’s bored. My in laws live in the same town and we would visit for an hour or two when the kids were young!

My parents weren’t uptight but I also didn’t expect them to have a cupboard full of toys to entertain my DC. They did have a few things and they engaged with my DC (so I guess different with OP’s) but they were still our responsibility. When health allowed we would all walk to the local park or just go for a dog walk. Maybe OP needs to suggest something like that as a family rather than sitting around. We also lived a distance away so visits weren’t so frequent, so would have been rude to send DC next door when we arrived and even more rude to invite next door’s children round without at least checking with them it was okay.

If I was OP I would make shorter visits and less frequent ones. Maybe visit the neighbours separately

The grandparents will be wondering in a few years why their grandchild doesn’t bother with them!

It sounds like they revel in their status as grandparents, without actually wanting grandchildren.

Right. And the OP deliberately tried to frame this to make her MIL sound awful using "forbidden" and "exclusionary" instead of just saying "she doesn't want this other kid plus her older sister tramping in and out of her house and garden all day" which is the reality of the situation.

Reading the sachharine sweetness laced with vinegar in the OPs responses I feel strongly she's manipulative. She's certainly quite willing to throw a bit of a hissy fit over the fact that other people have a perfect right to decide who is coming and going in their own home.

She should make the visits shorter, or otherwise entertain her son, or just let him get bored.

But she doesn't get to decide who other people want in their own home.

i can’t imagine going round to someone’s house and then inviting other children into it without even checking if this is okay.

It's not a request. Her son has been instructed that he can no longer bring a child from next door into the mil's home and garden.

So that's that.

But yes, certainly she can leave when she chooses to leave, or find other ways to occupy her son, or just let him get bored. But what she can't do is tell her son to bring the neighbour's kid into somebody else's home and garden when he has been instructed not to do so.

How can it be that you’re visiting family and you still have to be responsible for entertaining your own children?

I find that so stiff. You shouldn’t feel like you’re intruding on your own family or that “your kids your problem”.

I mean what next, bring your own food too? Surely most grandparents aren’t this uptight?

It doesn't matter if the mil wants long visits, you leave when you're ready to leave.

But what you don't do is tell your son he can have the neighbour's child in another person's home and garden, when they have said no.

Just as you have boundaries in your house, she is absolutely entitled to have boundaries in hers. Just as you exclude people and forbid things in your own home, she has the right to do so in her own.

Yeah it sounds way too long. I’d be pushing back on that and cutting the visit length in half. Arrive half an hour before dinner and go home after you’ve helped to wash up. Nobody has time to get bored then and each other’s company stays fresh and enjoyable.

I would refuse the request. Or refuse to spend the whole day there. You go out for a family walk, activity, something ... or you go home/off to do your own core family thing after lunch. It doesn't sound fair to the young grandchildren to be stuck just sitting there and essentially being ignored by their grandparents, but expected to be 'present' because 'family'.

You have limited family time with your children, too ... yet you seem to understand that they need time to play with other children or do something.

But the parents ARE happy to entertain their kid by allowing him to play with his friend. Nothing wrong with that. It is the MiL that says no, but isnt giving an alternative

She doesnt want to put in the effort, but doesnt want him to have fun with his friend either. Weird

Er, no. It's not his house. He doesn't get to invite the neighbour's kids over. He's been told not to do that, so that's that.

His mother will have to figure out a solution that doesn't involve the neighbour's kid entering another person's home and garden who has specifically said they do not wish that.

Just say that your son is off for a playdate, and while you are there would it be ok to pop in for a cuppa?! Change it around.

We used to take things with us when visiting grandparents (they did have a few things there too). But we were the parents, our children our responsibility to entertain

I think they can forbid the neighbour’s children coming into their house

What did your H say to his mother? I hope it was along the lines of "well make sure you have games and ideas then for him" - she can't have it both ways

Edit - but 6.5 hours is far too long with 2 young kids, aren't you all bored of each other by about 3pm?