MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

I don't know how you actually say "MIL we are finding the visits too long and boring"

I think a better approach is to go down the road of next "Sunday we'll be a bit later taking kids swimming or something first"

This is definitely a Quality over Quantity situation

Tell them that if that is their position they must play with hm. Bring board games, cars/ whatever he is into. Let him tell them all about his latest interest at length. Don't step in. I bet after (half) an hour they will be begging him to go.

miserable old buggers. why not be happy that he is happy.

An honest conversation about everybody’s expectations of the visit would solve this one, with compromises on both sides.
OP we are working grandparents, currently recovering from an overnight stay. If you listen to the situation from an older person’s perspective and remember this could be you 20+ years down the line, it might help? A powerful image.
Personally I’d reduce the length of the visit and frequency, for your sanity! Tough gig X

For context we are there one day every other weekend and the visits are the whole day - about 10.30-5pm or later

I have always absolutely loved my grandparents, but this is overkill. No wonder he's bored.

I went with the title, MIL trying to prohibit him from 'calling for his friend' ... which suggests she's also trying to ban him from going next door, playing at their house, in their garden. She wants him to sit in her house all fucking day while she doesn't engage at a child's level ever.

Op I'd go round later, you are both working, so weekends are precious.

MIL we'll be round a bit later we are going for a swim, walk, shop etc first.

I will be easier to arrive later than leave earlier

Sorry OP, I'm well past the kid stage and wouldn't be impressed with my neighbours kids running about or poking stuff in my house.

I wouldn't stop DS going out to see his friends as he'll have a much better time with them than sitting with boring adults, but I would be telling him that he isn't to bring them into Granny/Grandads house.

Just cut the visits short. That's a very long day for everyone.

I think its one thing if he goes to her house to play. But I don't think he should have been allowed to bring her to the GPs. You say they stayed in the garden, but we are out of garden season now pretty much, so next step is in the house. My guess would be they don't want someone else's children in their home (which is fair enough) and potentially don't want to become overly friendly with next door. Polite hello's is one thing. But maybe they are not on board with anything more. And next doors child being over is heading down a different route.

I meant to see his friend at his friends house & not do the in & out.

Sorry that wasn't obvious.

Lols, well you’re not right on my part. I have a great relationship with the nieces and nephews in my family, who regularly request visits to my house. However, they’re also kids who find going to their grandads house a bit dull but politely accept being a bit bored because they’ve been brought up to have manners.

If he's seeing his grandparents regularly, I don't really see the harm in maybe every 2 or 3 visits, he's allowed to go off and play with his little friend next door if she's in.
But honestly, I think it's a bit of a rite of passage for every primary school aged child to learn how to be a bit bored at their grandparents house.

My dgd often called to play out with a lad 2 doors down. My dgs’s often joined them too.
Yes this was probably more when I was minding them but also if their parents were here.
I thought it was great that they were all playing outside. They had a great time in the fresh air, socialising, maybe learning to compromise/communicate without adult intervention and not on screens.

I've found most people who say things like "it won't kill kids to be bored while visiting the grandparents" are the lazy type who cause the boredom in the first place. I've never heard it from anyone I consider interesting and engaging! There are so many times in a kids life that boredom is inevitable and they can "practise being bored" if you do thinks it's necessary, why would a visit to your loved ones be one of those occasions? It says a lot about those people's relationships.

I think if the neighbour kids are coming into your in-laws house, it's the right thing to do to stop that. But letting him go and play with his friends when there's nothing else to entertain him in the house is absolutely fine.

Your in-laws either need to engage with your child themselves, or let him do something else he enjoys. It's a really horrible character trait if they actually do believe that they have the right to make him sit around bored just for their benefit.

I have a feeling dh wouldn't want this.

That's such a long time to spend in someone's house every 2 weeks. I loved mil1 and could spend a lot of time with her and fil1, even went on holiday with them. But they interacted with dcs lots. And were interesting people. Especially mil. Loved mil2 as well but we tended to take her out if spending longer with her. All deceased now but lots of lovely memories.
Non of them would hold us to rigid visits like this.
Have you spoken to dh about this? Or are you ok with the long visits?

Agree, seems OP wants the grandparents to engage with the kids all day.
why he shouldn't go and play with his friend if you're saying it's my job to make sure he is entertained at the grandparents after they have finished interacting with him or prefer to interact with the babies and toddlers?
Your job doesn't mean passing him onto the neighbours.

Who on earth has 8.30am Sunday morning play dates? Or at 5.30pm on a Sunday? (Assuming it’s half an hour from OP’s to MILs).

Just shorten the amount of time spent there.

Agree with this, you're a guest and yes kids get bored, that's normal.

As others have said, arrange playdates before or after.

I totally agree with changing the visits. While I do think it's rude to go and visit someone else while in the middle of visiting a first person, I also think your MIL is just expecting too much of your and your child's time if it's a whole day every other wknd. I would just stop going. Change the way you interact and spend time together so that it suits you as much as her. She's not the parent any more, having everyone congregate in her home and to her expectations.

OP has explained what happens when they try and leave:

'The visits are long because the mil wants them to be long. This is the part that frustrates me, it gets to a point where everyone is just sitting around and not really interacting, the little ones have had a nap or are just tired out, my son has played everything he can find to play there, at this point me and DH always start to say it's time for us to go, then the mil will jump up and offer our son a piece of cake or something, ten minutes later she is back to doing her own thing. It's like she wants us there just for the sake of being there.'

And you're slagging off OP on a public forum so why is it OK when you do it?People having problems with family, especially in-laws and venting and asking for advice, is Mumsnet's raison d'être and business model. If everyone got on with their families, Mumsnet would probably shut down for lack of traffic.

Most children don’t have a friend to call on at their grandparents’ house and survive. I think it’s rude if you are forcing an arrangement on them that involves another child coming into their house/ garden - they have the right to say no to that and personally I find it weird to turn a grandparent visit into a play date.

The visits are long because the mil wants them to be long. This is the part that frustrates me, it gets to a point where everyone is just sitting around and not really interacting, the little ones have had a nap or are just tired out, my son has played everything he can find to play there, at this point me and DH always start to say it's time for us to go, then the mil will jump up and offer our son a piece of cake or something, ten minutes later she is back to doing her own thing. It's like she wants us there just for the sake of being there.

Then you need to put a time limit on it. Tell her you'll be coming round for lunch but have to leave at three because of some other commitment, and stick to it.

The girl is his age and the in laws probably spend most of the time doing adult stuff but expect the kid to sit and listen to stuff he has zero interest in. Little effort on their part.