Surprise 3rd baby but only 2 bed house

Because in this situation it is the best thing for everyone involved

Check the deeds first, but could you eldest live in a caravan in your garden/driveway (if you have one). Providing he's still part of the household, it's often allowed. But sometimes the deeds or local authority rules outlaw it.

Get a cheap caravan and do it up inside. It also gives him slightly more independence as he gets older. Younger child can share with baby once he is she goes into their own room.

Because the OP is in an impossible situation and I think it's natural that people are reacting to that. The best possible outcome here if the pregnancy continues seems to be that OP and her husband move into the living room, meaning that the only communal space in the house would become the kitchen AND the adults would have no private space (assuming that the house layout does not allow for the living room door to be locked) and the OP has to care for a newborn and two ageing parents. Given that OP has already said she expects her eldest to remain at home for at least 10 more years, that's a long time to be living in such cramped conditions.

If moving to a bigger house is not an option within the next few years then I think it's terribly sad to say but many women do have abortions that they don't want for the benefit of their existing families.

Realistically you can't make it work unless you move. You need to work full time, your dh needs to look for a better paid job and your parents need to pay for carers.

Shoving one child into a caravan to make space for another one is truly appalling.

Come on, most teenagers would love it. More space (certainly than sharing with an 8yo), and can come home late without waking the household, of and easier to sneak a girlfriend home. If it's sufficiently warm and cozy it's surely every teenagers dream.

I can honestly say no teenager I know would love this. For goodness sake abortions are here for a reason, it’s cells, the pre existing children are people in the here and now that need and deserve to be prioritised. My mind boggles are how people covet unconscious cells over actual people. The mental gymnastics people are doing to try and justify this situation.

I think others have suggested some good ideas for how but long term I don’t think you can have three kids and be FT carer. You can ask social services for support for parents? Then after mat leave you can work more. Can partner take on any extra work. Long term you need to move.

is there any outdoor space?

We are all cells.

You are cells just as much as a fetus is. There are many valid prob life arguments, but being made of cells isn't one of them 😂.

If there caravan idea isn't popular, then there will be other ideas. Terminating the life of a wanted baby isn't over of them. For a start, the OP has said she doesn't want that, and therefore we should respect her choice surely.

OP sorry I do want to ask as well. Is this baby worth the risk to your own mental health and your boys? You already do a lot.

Other options:

• multi purpose lounge
• get a double high sleeper in your room which will give you room for a bit/toddler bed underneath.
• garden room to be used as bedroom.
• move house

It doesn't have to be a solution that works for the next 10 years, just look from birth to say 2 and re-evaluate then.

Because it’s not just the baby but the impact on her own quality and life and mental health. She’s doing a lot and doesn’t sound like she’ll give up the care of her parents. With little money and another child to look after and feed, any extra income will be quickly spent.

I agree that nobody should be encouraged to have an abortion if that’s what they are choosing. But this is a discussion forum and there are wider things to consider.

For me at 15 i would have been terrified sleeping outside the main house all night. I was scared being in the house by myself even past 18 in case someone broke in or something. (Being honest I still don’t like it at 45!!) I also wouldn’t have felt part of the family anymore. It may work for a 20+ year old who really wants to move out but can’t, but I do feel a 15 year old may feel more pushed out and isolated.

How much is that thinking from societal pressure as opposed to a genuine emotional inability to go through a minimally invasive procedure for the benefit of her children, how often do we see “oh I just couldn’t go through with it” on here, I think women are just trained to feel this way, women are pressured into viewing pregnancy romantically. But I think it’s actually really bloody harmful, to them and to their families. Why on earth are people so pious about this? I bet no one here is even religious, it’s simply a hang over from that.

So I jsut don’t buy the pleading vulnerability argumemt, it’s not just her that’s vulnerable here, it’s her children, who have no say in any of this and are probably mostly impacted. Take the emotion out of it.

Just to add I’m not saying she should have an abortion, just that I think it should be seriously considered pragmatically, not emotionally ruled out immediately because that could be misplaced misogyny and societal pressure as opposed to genuine emotional vulnerability.

Can you move the wardrobes into another room?

Bunk beds for the 2 younger ones once baby is in a 'big bed', until then keep the cot in your room. Then wait until older one moves out.

Plenty kids have to share and it won't be forever as oldest will probably want their own place in 5 years.

Agree with a pp...you're talking about a lot of fixed things that 'can't' change but you need to be realistic. You have to make changes.

• Stop caring for your parents. No one has 'caring duties' for parents, they make choices to. You can no longer afford, in time or money, to do that and looking after your kids properly is more important. Speak to them, speak to social services or whoever deals with such things and step back.

• Fit the baby in with you for the first few years. Yes, you CAN fit them in you room. Get a smaller bed for you two (small double or double depending on what you have now). Push it up against a wall. Get rid of your wardrobes, replace with a cot/toddler bed. Find somewhere else to store clothes - convert an airing cupboard, put a wardrobe on the landing, use under the stairs as a walk in, buy an ottoman bed. There will be something.

• Time to level up financially. You need to get a full time job. Your dh needs to try and get a part time job, promotion, side hustle, whatever. If there's a better paying job not so niche or enjoyable, tough tits. He just helped create another human you can't afford to properly house yet so he needs to suck it up.

• Save every single penny to move. Make that your only aim, you have several years before the bedroom situation becomes actually impossible.

I think the biggest issue isn't the house but your mental health

Two children, plus a baby, plus a job, plus two elderly parents, it is just too much and you will burn out.

You are not the only option to care for your parents even if they have made you feel that way. But if you want to continue caring for them, don't have the baby

I agree. If you can't spread outwards you have to spread upwards.

I don't think two kids in bunks in one room, And the other on their own in a second is exactly going back to slum housing standards 🙄

It’s not two rooms, though? The existing kids share one room which was divided in two, so I imagine the individual spaces are not overly large.
Stuffing two kids into half a room is pushing it.

I agree with you. She didn’t want the baby in the first place and now she’s going to upend the lives of her kids and parents to accommodate it? Madness.

But they are at very different stages too. It could have worked if they were 1, 4 and 6 for example, but cramming 3 kids that are 1, 9 and 16 into what is effectively one room would not be enjoyable for anyone. They will have completely different sleep patterns, needs for quiet time, needs for play time etc. This would also be for upwards of 10 years, at that point there will be 4 adults and one 10 year old sharing 2 bedrooms. I just cannot see what is in it for the older two.

No, because whereas 1.4 might be the mean average, pretty sure 2 would be the median average.

ETA: I knew I'd get some wannabe "gotcha" post in response.