Surprise 3rd baby but only 2 bed house

Whereas that's true, OP does have two existing children who are considerably older than a baby. Would it be fair to expect them to live as if it's 1932 in an overcrowded house just so that OP and her husband can have another baby that neither of them actively tried to create and they can't afford?

You’ve presented us with a lot of fixed points. (House, jobs, school, caring for parents) but you are pregnant.

Something is going to HAVE to change. All you can control right now is what changes. You need to be in charge.

What happens if you have a difficult pregnancy?
What happens if your baby is born with challenges?
or What happens if your baby is born 100% ok but is a very clingy baby and you can’t get anything done?

The easiest thing to change right now would be caring for your parents. They need to accept alternatives.

Then you could work full-time - though that might be a challenge too. Could you get more hours? Will you be able to work more if pregnant you might be unwell. What about after school care for the 8 year old?

Do HA do home swaps?

Your DH needs to earn more money so that you can create a variable there. At the moment he’s a fixed point and that isn’t helpful.

No amount of clever storage and where to sleep ideas are going to change the fact that a baby now is going to change everything. Your eldest must be heading towards exams? He needs some consideration of that.

Do your parents have space for you and baby to go and live there? Leaving DH and sons at home. In a couple of years could the eldest go and live with your parents?

Looks like in future you and DH should double up the contraception and use a condom along with the pill.

First of all stop panicking. It must feel overwhelming now but the reality is that you don’t have to do anything for a while. Not until the baby is old enough to need a bed. It may be crowded, but that is not the end of the world, people have lived in far worse. A solution will arise, which may include a move but you will have had time to think about it and adjust.
take one day at a time, stop trying to meet trouble more than halfway and take care of yourself.
I promise you there will come a time when you could not imagine your world without this new baby, it will work itself out

Yep sorry this is my thoughts too.

Your life is full already, it’s admirable what your doing for your parents (seriously) but how will you manage this with a baby too?

(This is ignoring the living situation too)

Congratulations on your new baby.

You need to earn more money as a family. Your DH can’t have the luxury of three kids and a job that doesn’t pay much, he needs to develop his career.

How do you work part time and be a full time carer for your parents? What’s the nature of what they need, is it time consuming or do you need to be on hand ‘in case’? Where do all these things happen - is it possible to WFH at their house?

I've just read all the 'unrealistic' comments. Just a few decades ago people were raising massive families in 2 up, 2 downs. And care homes were rare, albeit people possibly weren't kept alive whilst suffering ill health so long by medication. Standards of living have improved, but sometimes I think the expectations of how to achieve this are quite blinkered and are not an improvement.

You don’t have space for 3 kids. Your options are:

1. Go full time and save in order to move before any baby is a toddler.
2. Dont have the baby.

it really is as simple as that.

Agreed. In this situation, given the OP plainly didn’t want another baby, it’s the most sensible solution. Otherwise she’s going to bring a baby into an overcrowded house and disrupt the lives of her 2 existing children. The “all you need is love” type comments are just sentimental nonsense.

Neither. From reading on here I wish women made more decisions with their head and not their heart.

Can you not try private rent somewhere bigger or ask HS for something else?

I think abortion is most sensible.

You can’t be a full time carer and a new mum. You don’t have the means to support another child, your income will take a hit when you go on maternity. Are you going to rely on the state?

I agree but then I’m not emotional about pregnancies

In a two bed house like the one described here I'd consider three kids to be a big family.

Three children is quite literally bigger than the average (which is about 1.4).

I'm going to be a little blunt but what would your parents do if you were to drop dead suddenly? You can't look after a newborn, some newborns are extremely demanding, and be a carer to two adults. Your parents are going to need someone else to care for them if you have this baby.

In the longer term it sounds like there will have to be someone sleeping in the living room.

I have to agree. Three isn't large. I have four children and that's not particularly big. One family I know in my village has 11 children ranging from 22yo to 9mo - now that's large!

If your parents can't afford care could the local authority provide it? Have you been in touch with the care team? In the south east funding usually covers up to 4 visits a day.

Seen recently that another Mum
in this position converted a small caravan/mobile van for her teen in the garden. Win-win for them as teen delighted to get their own space with all the comforts of home on their doorstep. If you have a garden or drive is that an option?

Could you use the lounge Japanese style, so living room by day, bedroom by night? Traditional sleeping mats which tidy away (Tatami floor mats I think). Not sure how the comfort/compact ratio works, but we did use a double sofa bed in a downstairs lounge as an extra bedroom when various of us had to isolate from Covid and tbh it was great... Wish we had thought of it before and squeezed another child into our family rather than feel constrained by the number of bedrooms and lived much more minimalist, think it is a happier existence than too much stuff, but clever storage and sleeping solutions are required for sure. The years fly by. Wishing you all the very best and your family great joy with your new addition.

PP who said that you don't need to have the next ten years figured out straight away is right. It's 9 months until baby arrives, and even in a small double he/she will be able to be in with you for quite a while - even if there really isn't room for even a side sleeper cot or Moses basket (which seems unlikely if you move clothes out of the room etc) then you could co-sleep and have them in bed with you - which they usually much prefer anyway.

In the longer term, if you can't get permission to extend or convert (worth a try?) can you move to a cheaper area locally? If you're in a small house at the moment you could also look at flats with more bedrooms.

Not helpful in the what to do scenario- but I just wanted to say my eldest is the result of being on the pill and taking it religiously. It happens, don’t feel like a failure in any way.

Not sure why people keep commenting on the DHs job. It doesn't mention him working part time, only that it's a job he loves but no room for progression. Why do people think him leaving that job means he will suddenly have more money? Does he even have the skills to apply for a different sector? Would a change in job come with different costs - fuel costs if the job was further away. I always think it's bizarre that on MN people think it's easy to change job and get something better paid.

As others have pointed out the OP working part time doesn't help, and if her parents are sitting in a home they own that is perhaps too big for them whether they need to downsize or more to somewhere that offers care and potentially use any money that comes from the sale towards this. What provision do they actually have for themselves? As otherwise OP is working an unpaid part time job looking after them which is also not sustainable if her own household cannot afford to live. As someone else has pointed out depending on the age of the parents this could go on for another 20+ years!

The only solutions are going to make a lot of people unhappy. The lounge could be changed to the parents bedroom and where they will sleep with the baby, who will then either get the bedroom when older or for the eldest to get the bedroom leaving the two youngest to share. However this is likely to cause upset and mean that there is no chance of inviting friends round.

Unfortunately the realistic option, short of moving, which may not be financially possible, or terminating the pregnancy, is bunk beds in one of the children's spaces. Who goes in the bunks will depend on whether the baby is a boy or girl.

Unrealistic. You do not have the space unfortunately. What if something happens to you and you can't care for your parents? I would look at care homes for them both so you can return to work full time after their born otherwise it's just not going to work.

Oh dear how horribly stressful for you x
As others have said, what you want here is incompatible. Something has to give.

You can’t care for your parents AND a newborn.

You can’t have another baby AND live long-term in a 2 bed house.

DH can’t keep the job he loves AND afford adequate housing.

Quite honestly, if you want to keep this baby, it’s going to require very real sacrifices. Your DH needs a better paying job / you need to move to a larger house or flat, possibly some distance away or in a less desirable area / you need to outsource care for your parents.

You just can’t do it all and make work an unworkable situation. It’s okay to drop your shoulders and admit that something (maybe more than one thing) has to give. Baby, House, Job, Parents. Sit down with your husband and have a really honest and realistic conversation. Good luck x