Surprise 3rd baby but only 2 bed house

Because the OP is in an impossible situation and I think it's natural that people are reacting to that. The best possible outcome here if the pregnancy continues seems to be that OP and her husband move into the living room, meaning that the only communal space in the house would become the kitchen AND the adults would have no private space (assuming that the house layout does not allow for the living room door to be locked) and the OP has to care for a newborn and two ageing parents. Given that OP has already said she expects her eldest to remain at home for at least 10 more years, that's a long time to be living in such cramped conditions.

If moving to a bigger house is not an option within the next few years then I think it's terribly sad to say but many women do have abortions that they don't want for the benefit of their existing families.

Check the deeds first, but could you eldest live in a caravan in your garden/driveway (if you have one). Providing he's still part of the household, it's often allowed. But sometimes the deeds or local authority rules outlaw it.

Get a cheap caravan and do it up inside. It also gives him slightly more independence as he gets older. Younger child can share with baby once he is she goes into their own room.

Because in this situation it is the best thing for everyone involved

What are people suggesting is going to happen ‘in a few years’ to improve her circumstances?

I agree with this. Surely things will get worse rather than better. Presumably OP will want to take some time off for maternity leave.
The eldest is thinking about an apprenticeship but is still only going to be 16, so isn't going to be paying rent I assume.
The cost of living in general isn't improving, energy bills keep increasing, so does the price of food. The 8 year old will get older and eat a larger meal potentially.

I think more information is needed about the parents and their housing situation and why they rely on OP for care.

I think your best moving to a 3 bedroom house to be honest

The family size is only relevant in relation to the space, time, money available.
Three children in a two bed house, in a family already struggling financially is too many.
Six children in a large house with no financial / time constraints can be perfectly fine.

How big is your parents' property? Could anyone move in there?

Both current children do not have their own bedrooms. They are in a 2 bed house so are sharing a bedroom. And your list of measures that you consider ‘draconian’ are bizarre. Abortion is not draconian when someone has become pregnant and they do not have their space, money or time to take care of the baby. Working full time to support your family is normal. And parents having care support (no one’s suggesting sticking them in a care home) is normal. Surely it’s far worse for the op to be working, taking care of two children and a newborn, and also having the responsibility of taking care of two physically and mentally unwell parents as well??
And everyone’s suggestions so far which seem perfectly acceptable on the surface, keeps getting followed by the statement ‘for a few years’, when going by the ops own admissions, nothings actually likely to change for at least a decade. Her partners job has no room for progression, her parents care is likely to continue (and worsen) for another 2 decades, and going by the eldests age, none of her children are going to start moving out for another 10 years. And with a newborn on the way I think it’s safe to assume the ops earning power is going to go down, not up. What are people suggesting is going to happen ‘in a few years’ to improve her circumstances?

So is two children – is that a “large family” too?

There’s no solution in your current situation. You need to move. All the storage tips in the world can’t magic up space for five people.

Here we go again – another Mumsnet thread in which an emotionally vulnerable, pregnant OP asks a question that is not, “Should I have an abortion?” and people start telling her she should have an abortion. This OP’s even specifically said, “I couldn't go through with an abortion.” I’ve seen Mumsnet delete comments telling an OP who wants an abortion that she shouldn’t have one, so why does this site leave up comments telling OPs who don’t want abortions that they should have them?

OP, I think someone is going to have to move, whether it’s your parents going to different caregivers or the whole family moving into a different house. Is your husband open to the possibility of finding a different job?

Let's hope it's not twins.

Compromise needs to be made somewhere doesn’t it.

I’d be worried about the lack of attention for all your kids with the parents being a factor as well.

Are both of your parents claiming attendance allowance? That could help either with carers or yourself

I think in the short term i.e. for the next few years, the solution is a loft bed with cot and then toddler bed underneath. Could you look at moving your clothes storage or at least some of it to another room? Do you kids have storage under their beds? There must be ways to maximise storage. What about outdoor storage like a well insulated shed? I don't mean for clothes but maybe for other things to free up space for clothes in the house.

Another option is as you say a (good quality) sofa bed in the lounge. I would do the loft bed to start with and then later if you are still in the same house by the time baby is school age, maybe consider this. I reckon the first option would five you 5 years.

It also gives you time to work out if there is anyway you could move to a bigger house in the future. You may be no better off with a small 3 bed shared ownership as that is effectively what you have created now (unless there is more space overall which would solve some of your problems with storage). If you could find one with a separate dining room that could work. I know a family where their 3 kids have the upstairs 2 bed rooms (the boys share as they are the same age but it is the bigger room and could have been split) and the parents have the dining room.

You will make it work. Congratulations on your pregnancy (maybe get your DH to get the snip though as if there was a 4th you really will be in trouble)!

I think it's the impact on the children that gets ignored. Of course I am sure everyone will love the baby but is it really fair on the existing children to have that added person taking up space which is not something they asked for.
The boys do have their own space but only because a stud wall was inserted. To me this suggests then they both have a small space rather than a full bedroom.

The post above is true about being minimalist and they probably could do a big clear out, but I think people tend to forget that it's not just the parents who are affected by the baby but the lives of the older siblings too.

To me they are stretched financially, one parent works part time, the other is by the sounds of it on a low income. They already have two children to support. It's a shared ownership house so again different requirements for borrowing suggesting without this arrangement they would not have been able to buy.

They will also be stretched in terms of time. Hopefully the eldest will have finished their GCSES before the baby is born but if premature they will perhaps have the difficult split of one parent needing to focusing on the baby, perhaps in hospital, while the other is supporting the eldest with their exams. You then have the youngest who risks being forgotten. On top of that the parents need full time care - how is that going to work with the baby even if everything goes well? If breast feeding and the baby is cluster feeding surely this is going to take time out of the day. If parents are waiting for meals, dressing, toileting and showering is OP going to have the time and energy for this?

I think people need to consider the wider impact. Presumably they will also need an initial outlay for buying the baby items too. New cot, pushchair, etc. while these can be bought second hand they still add up. This means cutting back as a family. Will this mean less clubs/activities/days out for the 8 year old? No holiday? Cut back in pocket money for the eldest? (Who could be funding themselves to an extent with a part time job but is not going to be fully self sufficient).

@NamechangeRugby The cost for carers shouldn't be OPs to carry though. Her working full-time would allow them to get a larger mortgage so they can afford a big enough place for their family. There isn't even space for a cot in their bedroom currently.

OP wants to keep everything as it is but add another human who can't use up space, time or money somehow, because there isn't enough of it. I'm not saying that she should have an abortion, but if she wants to make this work something is going to have to give and for me the caring responsibilities would be the first to go as there are other ways of solving that. Her kids should be her main priority.

My read is it seems they could afford another child, but not to move whilst remaining in the current location which they love and is close to her parents to allow her to help support them to continue living independently.

Both current children have their own bedroom. Small, but their own space. They live in a good location, so the kids probably have a greater chance to be independent. Teenagers generally spend a great deal of their time 'out' or in their bedroom. Admittedly crying at night may prove disruptive in any house - noise cancelling headphones may be a good call at times. Somewhere separate to study is of course ideal, but one of our children always studied in their miniscule bedroom and the others at the kitchen table anyway (all did well academically).

I am pro-choice, which works both ways. It is bizzare to me that people are advocating quite draconian measures (abortion when parents prefer to keep the pregnancy, care home before ready, back to work full time when child care/care home costs likely to outpace income etc) for a happy, healthy, working & caring family who could just have a dual purpose living room or that high-rise double bunk bed thing with the cot or little bed ubderneath for a few years. Perhaps not ideal, but an option.)

We had to throw out our wardrobes when our first was born because the cot wouldn't fit in the bedroom and there wasn't room elsewhere. I've been surprised at how few clothes we actually need, although it does mean rewearing and frequent laundry. Things like wedding outfits are packed in vacuum bags and stored in boxes on shelves, although it barely feels worth keeping them with vinted. It would cost us 1000 extra per month to upsize, which is a lot of special occasion outfits.

How big is the garden?

Perhaps baby in with you for a few years and build garden room for the eldest.

Your parents are going to need someone else to care for them if you have this baby.

This

It’s very unfair to make plans for a coming child predicated on one of your existing children moving out.

They could also move the toilet back outside and repurpose the bathroom as a bedroom, to really get that victorian living vibe. It was all the rage just a few decades ago!

You have options. It sounds very impractical especially given the age gaps between the children and your wider personal circumstances. You are allowed to (and should, IMHO) prioritise your born children. I know what I’d be considering.

Your main options are a combination of:

1. Stop caring for your parents full-time.
2. DH gets a better-paid job.
3. Move somewhere cheaper.
4. Work more hours.

Or don’t have the baby.

My husband also had a lower paid job which he loved, but he retrained because we needed more money. I’ve retrained too. If you want the third child, perhaps serious changes need to be made.