Surprise 3rd baby but only 2 bed house

Her children have to live with her decisions, too, though. In a cramped house with attention split five ways between kids and caring for grandparents. If OP doesn't want to do it, that's fine, but let's not act like not continuing a pregnancy where the resources available to that child will be lacking isn't a valid consideration. It might not be a 'neutral event' but neither is growing up sleeping in your living room.

This is such a repulsive attitude to me. Do you understand that having an abortion is not something all women feel they can live with? Do you understand that no one should be pressuring women into making pregnancy decisions by dictating what “the best thing to do” is? You probably think you’re the moral opposite of anti-abortion people, but you’re not. They’re advocating one decision as morally acceptable and you’re advocating a different decision as morally acceptable. Neither side is contending with the fact that OP is the one who has to live with herself for the rest of her life, and who will be living with this decision long after you’ve merrily skipped off to the next thread. Feeling like she has no choice but to have an unwanted abortion is not a neutral event for a woman’s mental health and sense of self.

She knows abortion is an option. She’s rejected it as an option for her. She didn’t ask anyone here whether she should get an abortion. Why can’t you respect that?

You’d feel as if you were in an MRI machine.

That looks so claustrophobic 😬. Tall people wouldn’t even be able to sit up suddenly without cracking their head on the ceiling.

Like this

I really don’t know why you would go ahead with another baby you can’t fit in your house or afford it sounds like - how will you fit that in with your caring duties? you just won’t manage this op

it you desperately want the baby then you need to step away from caring now and probably get a job and focus on trying to move

This could work!

You don't have to afford it. Either they pay or, if they cant, the state will have to.

Whilst I'm all for family pulling together your first duty of care is to your husband and children. If you are bringing another child into the mix then you need more space, so its time to do less care and more paid work so that's possible.

Or stop spreading?

No, because whereas 1.4 might be the mean average, pretty sure 2 would be the median average.

ETA: I knew I'd get some wannabe "gotcha" post in response.

But they are at very different stages too. It could have worked if they were 1, 4 and 6 for example, but cramming 3 kids that are 1, 9 and 16 into what is effectively one room would not be enjoyable for anyone. They will have completely different sleep patterns, needs for quiet time, needs for play time etc. This would also be for upwards of 10 years, at that point there will be 4 adults and one 10 year old sharing 2 bedrooms. I just cannot see what is in it for the older two.

I agree with you. She didn’t want the baby in the first place and now she’s going to upend the lives of her kids and parents to accommodate it? Madness.

It’s not two rooms, though? The existing kids share one room which was divided in two, so I imagine the individual spaces are not overly large.
Stuffing two kids into half a room is pushing it.

I don't think two kids in bunks in one room, And the other on their own in a second is exactly going back to slum housing standards 🙄

I agree. If you can't spread outwards you have to spread upwards.

I think the biggest issue isn't the house but your mental health

Two children, plus a baby, plus a job, plus two elderly parents, it is just too much and you will burn out.

You are not the only option to care for your parents even if they have made you feel that way. But if you want to continue caring for them, don't have the baby

Agree with a pp...you're talking about a lot of fixed things that 'can't' change but you need to be realistic. You have to make changes.

• Stop caring for your parents. No one has 'caring duties' for parents, they make choices to. You can no longer afford, in time or money, to do that and looking after your kids properly is more important. Speak to them, speak to social services or whoever deals with such things and step back.

• Fit the baby in with you for the first few years. Yes, you CAN fit them in you room. Get a smaller bed for you two (small double or double depending on what you have now). Push it up against a wall. Get rid of your wardrobes, replace with a cot/toddler bed. Find somewhere else to store clothes - convert an airing cupboard, put a wardrobe on the landing, use under the stairs as a walk in, buy an ottoman bed. There will be something.

• Time to level up financially. You need to get a full time job. Your dh needs to try and get a part time job, promotion, side hustle, whatever. If there's a better paying job not so niche or enjoyable, tough tits. He just helped create another human you can't afford to properly house yet so he needs to suck it up.

• Save every single penny to move. Make that your only aim, you have several years before the bedroom situation becomes actually impossible.

Bunk beds for the 2 younger ones once baby is in a 'big bed', until then keep the cot in your room. Then wait until older one moves out.

Plenty kids have to share and it won't be forever as oldest will probably want their own place in 5 years.

Can you move the wardrobes into another room?

Just to add I’m not saying she should have an abortion, just that I think it should be seriously considered pragmatically, not emotionally ruled out immediately because that could be misplaced misogyny and societal pressure as opposed to genuine emotional vulnerability.

How much is that thinking from societal pressure as opposed to a genuine emotional inability to go through a minimally invasive procedure for the benefit of her children, how often do we see “oh I just couldn’t go through with it” on here, I think women are just trained to feel this way, women are pressured into viewing pregnancy romantically. But I think it’s actually really bloody harmful, to them and to their families. Why on earth are people so pious about this? I bet no one here is even religious, it’s simply a hang over from that.

So I jsut don’t buy the pleading vulnerability argumemt, it’s not just her that’s vulnerable here, it’s her children, who have no say in any of this and are probably mostly impacted. Take the emotion out of it.

For me at 15 i would have been terrified sleeping outside the main house all night. I was scared being in the house by myself even past 18 in case someone broke in or something. (Being honest I still don’t like it at 45!!) I also wouldn’t have felt part of the family anymore. It may work for a 20+ year old who really wants to move out but can’t, but I do feel a 15 year old may feel more pushed out and isolated.

Because it’s not just the baby but the impact on her own quality and life and mental health. She’s doing a lot and doesn’t sound like she’ll give up the care of her parents. With little money and another child to look after and feed, any extra income will be quickly spent.

I agree that nobody should be encouraged to have an abortion if that’s what they are choosing. But this is a discussion forum and there are wider things to consider.

Other options:

• multi purpose lounge
• get a double high sleeper in your room which will give you room for a bit/toddler bed underneath.
• garden room to be used as bedroom.
• move house

It doesn't have to be a solution that works for the next 10 years, just look from birth to say 2 and re-evaluate then.

OP sorry I do want to ask as well. Is this baby worth the risk to your own mental health and your boys? You already do a lot.