Page 9 | Would you help in these circumstances

Mamma1383838 · 2026-10-17T14:14:46+00:00

Friend did a massive favour for me a while back. It didn’t cost them anything, but it saved me thousands. At the time we didn’t have much so I bought a small gift as thanks. They recently asked me to lend them a significant sum of money, repaying over a long time period. It’s a lot, more than we‘d want to give away, but we could afford to lose the sum now if it came to it. I don’t want to mix friendship and money but I want to help. It’s for a nice to have rather than for something essential. Would you lend them the money? Curious as I know the general advice here is not to.

ConBatulations · Yesterday 16:15

If you decide to go ahead then make sure you have a written agreement. This is useful to think about the whether to go ahead.
www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/lending-money-to-friends-family/

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 16:14

OrdinaryGirl · Yesterday 16:09

This is where personal policies come in handy. ‘So sorry, I have a policy of not lending to friends because I’ve been burnt in the past and it negatively affected the friendship’ is easier to communicate than ‘I don’t want to lend money to you’.

I think your friend has made it awkward, and you are now having to manage an awkward situation not of your own making. Especially given that the money is for a ‘nice to have’. It’s something I would never personally do, (ask for the loan, I mean) because of the effect on the dynamics of the friendship and the potential for it to go really badly wrong.

I think they hadn’t planned to ask but there has been some unexpected expenses, and there is a time limit on using the money. It could benefit them very positively in the long term. If it was for a TV or a car or something frivolous they wouldn’t have asked me.

OP posts:

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:13

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:12

I did, which is why I said ‘you may be right BUT…’

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Right so in my opinion - my point stands. You dismiss a problem as a “rich problem” then you should expect a sign posting to a more relevant thread

crikeymikey123 · Yesterday 16:12

If she'd lent me money, yes I'd return the favour

Spendysis · Yesterday 16:12

I wouldn’t personally but I have lent my dsis thousands over the years and never got it back.
i think it would depend what it was for and why they can’t use a bank loan or credit card or even ask a family member

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:12

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:11

You did see that poster’s first response?

if you wade in with something as dismissive as that, prepared to be signposted to a thread that you can’t dismiss as such

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I did, which is why I said ‘you may be right BUT…’

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 16:11

Coconutter24 · Yesterday 16:10

So you want to help and your DH is open to lending the money, so if you’re both happy to lend it then why don’t you?

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Probably read too many thread here warning off lending. 😂 I don’t have anyone else to talk it through with, though it’s hard not being able to give details. I would like to discuss with DH but he’s busy and he just said yes.

OP posts:

ACynicalDad · Yesterday 16:11

can you offer them a smaller amount, say half of it?

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · Yesterday 16:11

Since they will be taking from your children if they don't pay back, that would be a no for me. Kids first always.

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:11

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:10

”Cost of living threads maybe for you”

You may be right, but that was a low and unnecessary comment to make.

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You did see that poster’s first response?

if you wade in with something as dismissive as that, prepared to be signposted to a thread that you can’t dismiss as such

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:10

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:01

Good shout.

Cost of living threads maybe for you

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”Cost of living threads maybe for you”

You may be right, but that was a low and unnecessary comment to make.

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:10

alcovecupboards · Yesterday 16:09

I'd lend it - but wouldn't take interest.

Oh heavens this… no way interest!!

Coconutter24 · Yesterday 16:10

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 15:26

There’s a time limit on the nice to have. We can afford to lend/lose and still have other nice to haves (we are lucky I know). DH is normally super cautious about money and he is about to indulge in a rare expensive purchase, and he’s still open to lending it because he trusts my friend.

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So you want to help and your DH is open to lending the money, so if you’re both happy to lend it then why don’t you?

OrdinaryGirl · Yesterday 16:09

This is where personal policies come in handy. ‘So sorry, I have a policy of not lending to friends because I’ve been burnt in the past and it negatively affected the friendship’ is easier to communicate than ‘I don’t want to lend money to you’.

I think your friend has made it awkward, and you are now having to manage an awkward situation not of your own making. Especially given that the money is for a ‘nice to have’. It’s something I would never personally do, (ask for the loan, I mean) because of the effect on the dynamics of the friendship and the potential for it to go really badly wrong.

alcovecupboards · Yesterday 16:09

I'd lend it - but wouldn't take interest.

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:09

gamerchick · Yesterday 16:09

How much do they want?

The problem is you're not on the hook to them because they helped you and the fact they're asking you for a chunk or change for a want, means they've exhausted every other money flow they have. Hence th repayment terms.

You will not be paid back OP.

You need better friends @gamerchick

gamerchick · Yesterday 16:09

How much do they want?

The problem is you're not on the hook to them because they helped you and the fact they're asking you for a chunk or change for a want, means they've exhausted every other money flow they have. Hence th repayment terms.

You will not be paid back OP.

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 16:08

Wellretired · Yesterday 16:02

I think one of the questions is, as others have said, why does she want to borrow from you rather than eg a bank, and what is it for. It seems that she sees it as interest free rather than what ti would cost them to borrow with interest. If you lend it, be prepared to lose it - they might pay it back but that partially depends on why they need to borrow it in the first place. You could do a simple loan agreement, I've done that in the past.

They offered acceptable repayment terms with interest. I think a bank’s terms would be much worse.

OP posts:

AvidMauveCrab · Yesterday 16:07

Given you say you can afford to lose this money, I’d be more concerned about the impact on your friendship IF they didn’t repay you. How do you think you’d feel and what would happen if they didn’t keep up the repayments and ghosted you? If you’d be happy to lose the money and wouldn’t be in the slightest bit disappointed in your friend if they didn’t repay you then go ahead.

Meadowfinch · Yesterday 16:04

I'd lend (give) it to my child, and I have in the past lent multiple ,000s to a sibling.

Otherwise, no.

Wellretired · Yesterday 16:02

I think one of the questions is, as others have said, why does she want to borrow from you rather than eg a bank, and what is it for. It seems that she sees it as interest free rather than what ti would cost them to borrow with interest. If you lend it, be prepared to lose it - they might pay it back but that partially depends on why they need to borrow it in the first place. You could do a simple loan agreement, I've done that in the past.

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 16:01

DogsandFlowers · Yesterday 16:00

Ok I’ll definitely leave now you’ve said that 😂😂

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Good shout.

Cost of living threads maybe for you

DogsandFlowers · Yesterday 16:00

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 15:49

I don’t think this is a thread for you if you think this is a “rich person’s problem”

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Ok I’ll definitely leave now you’ve said that 😂😂

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 15:49

DogsandFlowers · Yesterday 15:48

Weird.

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I don’t think this is a thread for you if you think this is a “rich person’s problem”

DogsandFlowers · Yesterday 15:48

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 15:28

Tell us about the length and trust and quality of the friendship. Because Mumsnet friendships often tend to be more like enemies

Weird.