Would you help in these circumstances

Did your friend lend you cash?

I think there’s a difference between lending cash, and simply saving money (ie not forking out the hard stuff).

Absolutely not @Mamma1383838

I have to a family member. Not a life-changing amount but equivalent to 5 figures today.
I didn't get a penny back. (I had strongly suspected I wouldn't)

You will lose the money and the friendship or open the door to more requests.

I agree with this.

Overall, it is best not to lend money to anyone whose friendship you value. Far too much at risk if it goes wrong.

If - as per example, they needed a car and I could afford to help them, I would give it as a gift, and let them decide as and when they could pay it back, but only if I could afford to be without that money. The issue here though is that they don't 'need' it. you've said it is for a "nice to have" rather than something essential though, so I wouldn't offer for that.

I agree with others that them saving you money with a favour previously isn't relevant. I'm assuming something like professional advice which didn't really cost them anything, even though it obviously benefitted you. It is completely different from you potentially losing what you call 'a significant amount of money' , or 2/3 of your savings and investments.

Oh don’t go by Mumsnet and their “friendships”

Come again?

No I wouldnt, id tell them I couldnt afford it.

If someone does something nice, its nice to help out if tou can it doesnt mean they have a free pass to an unreasonable amount of your money. Because tbh if the bank wont trust them to repay it you probably shouldnt either

In that case I think in your shoes I would lend it. Even if they didn't pay it back, you have still gained from their help. Hopefully they will pay it back though.

I would lend anything I had to either of my two closest friends. I trust them both with my life and know they would help me if I needed it. I would be much more cautious lending a large sum to other friends.

Op really does not need to tell us this

unfortunately I am waiting for my tea to cool down so didn’t do what I normally do which is simply close the tab.

I love this random detail!

I think you need to tell us what it's for first. And why they are having money problems in the first place.

That poster dismissed outright the OP’s issue which is preying on her mind.

I responded in kind.

If you post dismissive one liners like that, then take the response to leave on the chin

I think I might then, especially as you've said elsewhere it isnt for consumer goods and it appears to be a cash flow problem. It sounds as if they are willing. to make a proper agreement. Its still higher risk, of course.

That poster did not indicate she/he had any financial issues.

Your reply had the tone of a cheap put down.

It’s the general tone of many many posts I see here and unfortunately I am waiting for my tea to cool down so didn’t do what I normally do which is simply close the tab.

@Mamma1383838 I think it would depend on exactly what they helped you with and what was the cost to them. I can imagine a scenario where they wrote a letter in support of you and are now asking to borrow £5000 and that would be a firm ‘no’.

But if they did something that was risky or they went out of their way to help, or put their reputation on the line (eg recommend you for a job) and are now asking to borrow £50, that’s different.

But whatever you choose, get it clearly laid out in writing, clear repayment terms, and be prepared to follow through with legal advice if it all goes tits up.

*thread’s- the apostrophe replaces the i
Spelling/grammar/general decorum thread’s maybe for you 🤌🏻

If it was not for essential then no. Mixing friends /family with money does not usually go well.

Well, yes. This is an example of what I was talking about earlier about it being impactful if the money doesn’t get paid back. Hardly anyone can truly afford to lose a large sum of money.

What is it for ?
how much do they want ?
Do you genuinely only have this money because of what the friend did - seems unlikely so intrigued as to how ?
overall likely still a no from me I’m adverse to lending money to friends (unless small amounts )
The argument of if you can afford to lose it doesn’t wash with me - I don’t want to lose it !
we have good savings but I wouldn’t ever lend significant sums - it’s our nest egg for our future

I'd do with with a written and agreed repayment plan. It sounds like you trust each other and have helped each other out in the past. And you can afford to risk the money not being repaid, so if the worst happens, you will not go short.

I have a couple of friends I would trust to do this with. One of them lent me a few thousand some years ago when i had nothing, and i paid him back with interest, and he had control of my account when I went travelling years ago (internet banking wasn't reslly a thing yet) I have other friends where I wouldn't touch anything financial with them, except maybe to split the bill on a night out. I think most of us know which of our good friends can be trusted with money and those who can't. If you don't know them that well (and it sounds like you do,) then I wouldn't do it.

What's it for?
How much?
Timescale to repay? Months? Years?

My BIL lent a considerable sum (20k) to his oldest and best friend - Godparent to my nephew - bastard went NC and BIL had a real battle to get it back. Friendship destroyed along with BIL's trust

Everyone has different experiences with money and friends, you can only go based on what you know and how trustworthy your friend is. If you think she’ll pay back when she says she will then you have to decide if you trust her word.

Why on earth are they wanting to indulge in something nice but not essential that they could only payback in small amounts over a long period of time? They obviously can not afford this thing. I just can not understand people.

I wouldn't lend a large amount to a friend but tbh, a real friend would never ask - and put us both in a very awkward position.

It would probably not be paid back either.