to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

I actually think that the alcohol is a bit of a red herring.

For his own reasons (he has said alcohol) this man would rather spend Christmas with his own family and then see his (newish) girlfriend afterwards. It would be graceful of her to cheerfully agree but she hasn’t. She is likely to push him away by being so pushy.

Can you imagine being this man? He wanted to spend Christmas with his sister but was “persuaded” to go to a house full of people he doesn’t know. And they have all been told that he is an alcoholic and that they can’t drink. This sounds like a horrible, stressful Christmas for him.

@intrepidpanda

it is actually. Who wants to give up Buck’s Fizz over breakfast? Afternoon cocktails? Wine over dinner? Digestif in the evening? All nice.

The thing is if you take it in turns, when you go to hers in 2027 there won't be any alcohol then either so she is expecting you to have non alcoholic Christmases until the end of time or until he dumps her or she dumps him. Bugger that. I have five drinks I never touch all year because I have one of each of them over Xmas as a tradition. I would not give that up. They are the taste and smell of Christmas as far as I'm concerned.

If he’s off alcohol he needs to guard against such times as Christmas when alcohol use is seen as normal. If he’s been doing it for three years, surely he is able to cope. Especially if he’s in a 12 step program or equivalent.

You should host them then!
It absolutely would not be your responsibility for putting temptation in their way. The alcoholic needs to take responsibility, not blame anyone else if they relapse.
I'd do it for my nuclear family if they lived with me and I became part of their recovery, but probably not after 3 years of sobriety.

I think seeing as it’s for alcoholism issues I would offer a compromise, “dry” Christmas Day but alcohol as usual in the evening, Christmas Eve & Boxing Day. Then they can choose to attend or not.
I don’t drink loads especially during the day but no alcohol at all at Christmas would be annoying!

She may love him and see a future with him, and he may be very welcome, but that doesn't make him "family" to everyone else just because she has declared she feels that way about him.

It's a tricky one OP, I would want to offer some sincere support for any persons attempt to be sober and I think you've done that with the offer to have dinner alcohol free. Perhaps you can agree to extend that a little past the meal (enough for a few games or chat/presents for example) and let them know that he is most welcome at your home but that others will be having alcoholic drinks past a certain time and it isn't possible to dictate to other adults in these circumstances.

I really disagree with most people. If an ex-alcoholic was coming to stay I'd absolutely remove alcohol from the house. I wouldn't want to be responsible for putting them in temptation's way.

And especially if they were a romantic partner to one of my family I'd be making a big effort to make them welcome and included.

In the words of Noddy Holder, “It’s Chriiiiiistmas!!”

I get the strong feeling that the anti-alcohol posters on here may also populate the threads in which some relative or relative adjacent is demanding the OP sends their dog away for Christmas, because guest preference trumps everyone else’s comfort, doncha know.

nope. The hard bit for me would be dealing with a sibling who expects the world to revolve around what SHE wants....especially one who lays it on her boyfriend.

Well it doesn’t sound like he’d have much fun if he’s surrounded by people seething at him that they can’t have a drink at Christmas because of him!

all ready to have the holly pinned on the inside...because after all, it IS christmas

In fairness, it doesn’t sound as though this man needs the family of a new girlfriend the most.

If they want to be together at Christmas then they can both go to boyfriend’s family, where alcohol- free celebration are already planned.

Sounds like your sister wants everyone in your family to miss out so she doesn’t have to.

Who’d want to be in the shoes of the boyfriend, meeting your girlfriend’s family for the first time but they’re all pissed off because his presence has led to family traditions being outlawed? Is SIL going to ban everyone from popping out to the pub?

Who are you to say that alcohol has nothing to do with Christmas? Are you the Christmas police?

I rarely drink throughout the year, but always start my Christmas morning off with a glass of champagne with breakfast. There will be champagne flowing all day and night. Christmas Day is very much a day of complete indulgence for me, whether that’s alcohol, food or gifts. I indulge myself and my loved ones. That’s MY Christmas tradition.

I couldn’t care less how others celebrate. How is a quarter of the population being teetotal relevant?

Why should they? He is the ops sister's fairly new bf. Why should anyone change their behaviour because of his issues?

Because lots of people don't drink "at any other time" but like a drink at Christmas. As a PP said, does that mean Nana can't have a sweet sherry?

I only eat sprouts at Christmas, not fussed any other time but I do like sprouts with my Christmas dinner.

It is bizarre to think any alcoholic would be happy for 3 days knowing everyone was abstaining for their sake. No doubt all a bit pissed off about it too.

What happens if a bottle of wine appeared does the op's sis think he'll grab it and down it in one? If so she needs to run for the hills.

Yes!! My youngest sister, got married this year. We loved him as soon as we met him. He has felt like family. My middle sister’s, doesn’t. She know how we feel. She moans to us a lot so she knows it’s be expected, I have stopped asking when she will dump him though. She complains about him then gets defensive like he has a reason for being a twat.

Is it really so hard just to have Christmas with no alcohol
I mean you can have a drink at any other time.

Funny isn’t it - it’s not about time it’s about the person imo. We don’t get on with BILs partner of nearly 5 years and only begrudgingly accept that we should probably count her as family, but my own brother’s partner has been family from almost day one because she is wonderful and we want to keep her around!

I thought this. My sister has been with her fella 2 years and we definitely don’t class him as family. He is invited to things we do as a family, but he isn’t there yet. And to be honest, we want him gone 🤣🤣

Even if the OP agreed I think it would probably be unworkable in practise. People would BYOB and be nipping through to the kitchen/garage/garden to have a tipple (a bit like that episode of Yes Minister) and she'd end up with half, perhaps most, of the party going on elsewhere whilst the remainder make desultory chit chat in front of The Great Escape.

'The OP has a decision to make - she can make Christmas dinner alcohol free, which shouldn't be a problem if alcohol is not a prop to having family fun, or she could damage her relationship with her sister and turn her back to a person sitting on her table trying hard to maintain sobriety'

The alcoholic has not requested any of this.

People like having a drink at Christmas it is perfectly normal and not a 'prop'.