to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

Agree with this.

As much as I feel that booze is in people's faces everytime you turn around at this time of year, asking the entire household to be dry for the entire holiday (that they're with you) is quite unfair.

it’s pretty sad if you need the crutch of alcohol to have a good time.

Its so MN how so many posters just jump straight to the hyperbole where alcohol is concerned (and I say that as someone who had a much loved alcoholic family member). Want a drink at Christmas? = its a crutch that you can't possibly enjoy yourself without it.

I am a very moderate drinker but I still like a Bucks Fizz at Christmas breakfast and a glass of prosecco with lunch. Precisely because I don't do that at any other day of the year it makes Christmas day different and something of a treat. Same as I don't eat mince pies or dive into a tub of Cadbury Heroes at any other time of year but will happily eat my own body weight in them come the third week of December.

People like to drink (and not to excess) at a wedding, party even a works night out. Are we meant to believe they are all using it as a crutch too? If the OPs sister gets invited to a wedding next year with her partner is she going to insist nobody drinks then, just in case. Where do you draw the line?

I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons, however I have family who do and celebrate Christmas. When I go over I simply don't drink and my relatives know so do not offer it to me. There are other drinks on the menu..

It is your house, you are hosting therefore you get to decide what is on the menu as long as you are not forcing anyone to drink / eat something they don't want to.

Edit: An ex - partner of mine had alcohol issues, so had to stay sober and away from the stuff, but we did go places which served alcohol, and hang out in the company of people who drank..

Sober for 3 years but a visit to your house for x mas is going to stop that? Surely he’s entered other places which contain alcohol in three years!

Agree with others that your sister is being ridiculous. Has she said whether this request is from him or just her? Either way, she’s deluded, especially the part about him being ‘faaaamily’ after a few months.

I reckon he’s not completely sober. She will have seen or experienced something that tells her he will turn into Linda Carter at Christmas.

TBF not really the same thing.

More akin to a woman who can't have children asking people with kids to leave them behind/not attend.

OP I'd take the guidance of the recovering alcoholics who have posted their views.

Some of the other camp are just being sanctimonious twerps seizing any opportunity to virtue signal. 🙄

Wow, imagine if pregnant women demanded everyone stay sober at Christmas as they were missing having a drink?!

It's a tricky situation for you as host OP.

My partner is 4 months sober at the moment and I'm worried about Christmas for him. While his family apparently care and were worried for him when he was struggling with addiction (for the past 6 years), they don't care enough to help him by removing the temptation and have continued to drink around him and even offer him a drink when they're having one throughout this battle!! It's been the cause of many relapses.

So while I appreciate you don't feel like you can ask everyone not to drink for someone who is basically a stranger, at least make sure people know not to offer him a drink directly!

This. If you were to inconvenience the whole family for this one person your sister would demand this on every occasion. It's ridiculous

You were generous to offer the alcohol free dinner, tbh! I wouldn’t have. Part of this man’s recovery is to manage normal social situations in which others will be drinking. If he’s not there yet, it’s on him to avoid those situations. Nobody can expect the world to bend around their needs to this extent, it’s not reasonable.

Your offer of a dinner alcohol free is good. I get her concern, she doesn't want the temptation to be there or for him feel not on the same level. Perhaps they skip the Christmas eve 'party' as that may involve more alcohol and you can have a good drink then, and then Christmas dinner alcohol free, few drinks in the afternoon and not a skin full where he sucks it up and it will also check his ability to not partake before your sister gets too attached to her 3 month partner. And yes, this is coming from someone who's done 'no alcohol' events due to the same reason, and now that person does drink....if they want to they will!

No I'd decline my sister is an alcoholic and made other plans Christmas day. Now those plans have fallen through and she is unfortunately coming to us. I've declined her request for an alcohol free Christmas. We enjoy a drink on Christmas day. It's up to the person to abstain not you.

You're not being unreasonable. I'd ask maybe whether it's helpful to keep the booze in a specific cupboard/fridge bit ir a part of the house where other people can go get it - that way it isn't in his face or on the table at eye line.
How do they go anywhere or do anything? If you all went to a restaurant there'd be alcohol, there's even alcohol at christmas light trails, theatres, the cinema and garden centres these days. I can't believe that he genuinely can't cope being in a house with it. I suspect she is trying to make him extra welcome and comfortable and instead is making you all a bit annoyed!

Exactly! How hard is it for some posters to understand? This is all on the sister trying to force a situation that no one wants except her....

A recovering alcoholic is not helped by being isolated from alcohol around him. He needs to be able to see others drink and return to a normal social life.

They’ve offered Christmas lunch without alcohol which has been rejected.

Personally, I would bend over backwards to assist a family member who is avoiding alcohol. It doesn’t seem a big deal to avoid drinking for one day if it benefits them. Christmas is about togetherness and enjoying yourselves, it’s pretty sad if you need the crutch of alcohol to have a good time.

Nobody on here has said they can't enjoy themselves without alcohol but as a host, I would not want to invite other people and tell them they cannot drink. It's not the right thing to do at all.

She’s been with him 5 months , and they’ve already agreed to spend the whole Christmas period together? In October?

This is like one of those “everyone has to treat my latest boyfriend’s children the same as their niece/nephew/grandchildren” but on speed given he’s a grown man, barely been on the scene 5 months, suggested a normal arrangement himself so in truth it’s just the DSis trying to manipulate friends and family and her actual boyfriend for three days to suit her wish to be the bestest girlfriend! People never cease to amaze me.

This is the thing though, he’s saying he’s not ready to be around people drinking so he’ll remove himself. Nothing wrong with that in any way. Why doesn’t the sister go and spend Christmas with his family if they are basically family?

My elder brother was a recovering alcoholic and was well known on the AA speaking circuit in Australia. When he came home to visit, he told us that we carried on our lives as normal, people drinking around him was normality and he had no issue with that but interestingly, it was others on the periphery who flapped and made it bigger than it was. If this chap falls off the wagon, it will be down to him and no one could stop him or make him... it is his life choices and his decisions.

I have drunk freely in the past and, this year, have really cut back. My DH is the son of an alcoholic and his step mother ended up being one too (he doesn’t see either anymore) so he doesn’t really drink. We will still be around people drinking throughout Christmas and my mum will undoubtedly still get as pissed as she always does (because she doesn’t drink often either, so it doesn’t take much). All the kids will also be around this too and may are young teens. It will be hilarious, we’ll have a great time and nobody will worry about it. I don’t believe that you can stop other people having any alcohol over the festive period for three days and, to be honest, I can’t imagine he hibernates over Christmas normally to avoid being around the festivities that largely involve it!

Like others, I have to wonder if this comes form him or her and if it was a family member at a difficult stage of recovery then that’s different, but, in the circumstances you outline, no, you are not being unreasonable!

When this involved a close family member who needed our support in the early days of giving up alcohol we all agreed to have an alcohol free Christmas - he said not to but we decided to do it anyway. No one minded. Since then we have just had normal Christmas meet ups - alcohol is there for those who want it - plenty of nice non alcoholic alternatives. Agree the OPs sister is being unreasonable her bf is not close family and doesn't need support from those he doesn't know.