to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

Can’t say I would bat an eyelid over not having a drink, its so unimportant, it’s about time together.

Unimportant to you, perhaps, but alcohol is a completely normal and integral part of a celebration.

Why are people pretending that they don’t understand this, or that drinking alcohol is unusual?

I have children, so I don’t really drink much anymore. But Christmas Day is an exception. When else can you wake up to a pile of presents, have seafood and champagne for breakfast (chocolate for the children), get dressed up, cook an absolute feast and spend uninterrupted time with your loved ones because no one has anywhere else to be.

I just love Christmas Day. It would take something significant to change how I host and celebrate Christmas - my sister’s boyfriend being an alcoholic isn’t it.

But this isn’t a family member. It’s a new boyfriend of a family member.

If the OP was getting married soon would it be acceptable for her sister to ask her to have a alcohol free wedding? Or hosting a birthday party? Or even a summer bbq?

Assuming this relationship lasts for the next decade or is nobody in the family never ever going to be allowed to have a drink in that time?

She can do what she likes when she hosts but no, she cannot stipulate your hosting. She can of course choose not to, and if they find it hard, they’d best not go.
When I’m dieting, I don’t tell people what to eat!

I don't drink. I don't like the taste of any of it really and I find that even a glass of wine gives me a headache. I'd still be saying 'No' to my sister because the majority of guests DO enjoy a drink.

I think it's reasonable to say 'It's Christmas. It's a party/celebration. There will be alcohol and some of the guests will probably drink quite a lot (they would if they were my family). If Bob prefers not to join us because it will make it difficult for him then we absolutely understand. It's entirely up to you, Sarah - but we won't be re-arranging the festive arrangements to suit one person I'm afraid'

I was a heavy drinker for years until the August i stopped. When it got to that Xmas, i didn't ask anyone in my family to not have a drink, why would i want to spoil their Xmas? If he's still not drinking after 3 years it is very odd that he still finds it a problem to be around other drinkers. I would say that it's unfair to stop others from enjoying themselves if they want to.

Fuck that. He doesnt need to come. Probably best if he doesn’t

OP have you met the gentleman concerned?
I ask because drinkers are like ex smokers, in the early days it's all they talk about (IMO).
Perhaps he's relapsed recently, perhaps he's asked for help?
If he is what we call a 'dry drunk' they are always fearful. It's actually a good thing he's told your sister early. Alcoholics don't tend to share their addiction and people can get drawn in. I'm assuming they're not planning children?

There's a great book by Sober Dave called one for the road. It's written from a man's perspective. Worth a read (don't give it as a present obviously!).
From my nearly five years experience of giving up the grog, if you can talk about it you're getting somewhere. Alcoholism needs to see the light.

Nice alcohol, nice food, nice company are the three pillars of an enjoyable Christmas for me. It would be really disappointing without any one of those.

It's Christmas? Why should they?

I can see a reasonable discussion about what a group of people should be expected to do / give up for the sake of an individual.

But what has taken me aback from this thread is quite how much people seem to think a good Christmas is synonymous with booze. Really? Can’t say I would bat an eyelid over not having a drink, its so unimportant, it’s about time together.

lol 🤣

If alcohol is more important to you and your family than your relationship with your sister, then she’s probably better off walking away tbh. And yes, I like a drink, and yes, I’m quite happy not to have one if it causes a problem for other people. It’s what we do for the people we care about.

No absolutely not! You have offered a alcohol free Christmas dinner,that’s a lovely alternative,but why should you all not be able to let your hair down for the holidays.sorry she has only been with this guy a few months anyway,and may possibly not be with him by next Christmas.

Exactly. My family and I will have an aperitif and one glass of wine with Xmas dinner, then a port in the evening. It’s not a huge amount but we really, really enjoy it and it would feel a big loss if we had to not do it.

Christ she’ll be asking shops not to sell booze next to the milk fridges Incase he can’t help himself.
Tell her he is an adult! Lol 😂

You don't want people around you drinking, simply because you don't enjoy it, so you use manipulative language to try and shame people. Thats incredibly sad imo.

I am not much of a drinker. I don't drink at home throughout the year and only really drink when I'm out out. I adore my christmas eve Baileys hot chocolate or 2, and my Bucks fizz on christmas day morning while opening presents. Maybe a coffee with a cheeky splash of Baileys in it with breakfast then thats me done for the day.
It makes me happy and my enjoyment of christmas matters too so I would be declining the 3 day abstinence.

I think you have offered a good compromise
@ChristmasDrinking .

This is a red flag after 3 years one should be able to stand next to a bottle without not trusting themselves not to drink it - I would say come and serve yourselves whatever drink you wish or don’t come and stay at home in his safe environment

YANBU. I think you've offered a perfectly reasonable compromise by suggesting an alcohol-free Christmas dinner. You're already taking his situation into consideration, but there are several other family members whose wishes matter too. I don't think it's fair to expect everyone to change their Christmas traditions for two people, especially when you've already offered a solution that allows everyone to spend time together.

No sorry … if there was no alcohol I wouldn’t go. People have been working all year and want to relax over Xmas with a drink! She’s being selfish.

It is that single time of the year where alcohol and chocolate at breakfast time is not only perfectly acceptable, but positively encouraged.

@TealHacks particularly Bolinger and Quality Street!

You could ask the other guests what they think. They may not mind as much as you expect. Your compromise of a sober meal seems like a reasonable compromise, though, and realistically, her boyfriend will probably have to be around people drinking from time to time and have to learn how to cope with it, eventually.

Your sister is being massively unreasonable. Is she going to demand that people don’t drink at summer BBQs and at any weddings/christenings/funerals that they might attend together?

As host I’d make sure he wasn't offered any alcohol and that I had catered for him.

Curious, will she allow you to have a brandy soaked Christmas Pudding.

Tell your DSis that she can have an alcohol free Christmas next year ….at her home, where she does the inviting, the planning, the buying, the decorating, the food and drink catering, the housekeeping, the hosting and the clearing up and making good afterwards.
But until then, sorry no, she can’t lay down the law as a guest.

All you can guarantee is that nobody will be forcing her or her bf to drink alcohol.
And nobody is forcing either of them to accept your kind invitation. If she doesn’t like the set-up at yours, then she is free to decline and you will be completely understanding of her decision.

This is a completely different scenario, he is an alcoholic. While I sympathise with the OP's dilemma and agree they shouldn't change their plans some posters don't appear to understand the difference between being having an addiction to alcohol and choosing not to have a drink for any other reason.