to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

As someone previously sober for a long time I think the sister is being silly and a tad naive. Is her bf going to exist in the world never around alcohol again?! There is going to be temptation everywhere.

Your suggestion of an alcohol free dinner is a very generous compromise and they should accept it, then it's up to him to remove himself from the situation if it is a problem for him.

Personally I'd have been a bit embarrassed sitting for dinner knowing everyone else had been forced not to drink because of me. My view is too much revolves around drinking in Western culture, but that's my view and I don't want to impose it on other people.

This is like the trans debate. Ask the vast majority of people who want to do X, to do Y because of a vulnerable minority.

No; three years is plenty long enough to adjust to real life.

Well it is actually. More important than having one extra partner involved for several days, rather than the alcohol free meal he was invited to. If 9/10 people want to enjoy alcohol over the Christmas period then their wishes trump the 1/10. Don't forget he was invited for dinner and offered for it to be dry, but the sister says that's not enough for some reason.

If he has been sober for 3 years then I would guess he hasn’t requested this and will be able to deal with people drinking at Christmas. I would talk to her and ask if he has actually asked for this. The reality is he should not impose himself in this way and they should just spend this Christmas together if it really is the case. I wonder if it is actually because your dsis feels she can’t now drink.

The BF isn’t family. Dsis is making this about her.

This is a really tricky situation. Your sister wants to help her new partner but she is being unreasonable to expect the entire holiday to revolve around him. If I were you I’d stick to the tried a tested my house: my rules formula. By all means provide plenty of non alcoholic alternatives but make it clear that you will he providing alcohol for those who want it.
Next year when Christmas is at her house you can expect it to be a dry holiday.

Goodness, the cheek of her! Do they not go to restaurants, weddings or any other social events because other people might be drinking? The man is clearly not truly sober if he can’t even be around alcohol. If he is still like this after 3 years he should take a look at his sobriety programme. Alternatively, if your sister has manufactured this crisis, she should fuck right off.

Yes if they're expecting this when he's 3 years sober then will they expect this for all future Christmases if they stay together?

OP doesn't say who Christmas alternates with but if it's just between her and her sister then presumably next year it's the sisters turn in which they can enforce the rule, and presumably most people won't attend or if they do it will be only for a short while, so they'll be on their own next year anyway.

Does she also insist on having the food shopping deliveried as there's alcohol available in the supermarket?

Does she insist on getting take aways delivered instead of going out because restaurants sell alcohol?

Is he accompanied every time he leaves the house because he'll be walking past pubs and can't be trusted to not go in?

There's opportunities to drink all over the place. If his sobriety claim is true then how is Christmas any different? He's resisted temptation for over 1000 days but might fall off the waggon with OP's cooking sherry?

@ChristmasDrinking
So her relationship of roughly 6 months thus far dictates how you in your house spend Christmas?
I'd personally say that I'm not prepared to sacrifice the many for just one
So its up to them both if they do come and he can stick to soft drinks whilst there
Or they could go elsewhere for their Christmas dinner as there'll be many a fancy restaurant or carvery open I'm sure

I’m not missing your point. I don’t understand your point.

Alcohol is a completely normal part of life, especially at celebrations. Christmas happens once a year and everyone has their own traditions. Alcohol is part of my Christmas tradition. I work hard all year, especially in preparing for Christmas, so I will celebrate the day in my home as I see fit. I wouldn’t curtail my enjoyment of Christmas, and shutting off letting go entirely for one day, unless something significant in my life had happened.

There is nothing strange about that and I don’t consider my sister’s new boyfriend being an addict to be significant enough to drastically change how I celebrate Christmas Day, or to tell other adults that they cannot consume any alcohol in my home on their Christmas Day either. If it was my child, it would be different.

It has nothing to do with priorities. If a person is hosting Christmas and invites you along, you either accept or decline if their plans don’t work for you. Everyone is free to have and arrange the Christmas Day they wish. What you cannot do, is change and limit how others celebrate the day in their own home.

Gosh this is difficult. I’d want to be supportive of anyone trying to get and stay sober. Thing is, I’m not a big drinker myself but on Christmas morning I have a glass or two of champagne then with lunch I open a white burgundy (and obviously red if people want some). If I’m totally honest hell would freeze over before I’d forgo those!

Missing my point entirely. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have a drink. I certainly will. But to think that’s more important than having family there seems like strange priorities.

Maybe they spent the previous 362 days without and only drink at Christmas ?

Nope! I’m tee total, I have best friends who are recovering alcoholics. I wouldn’t expect others to host a ‘sober Christmas’ for me, no sober person I know would!

If the guy finds being around alcohol too much, he shouldn’t attend.

He doesn't want to spend Cristmas with his new girlfriend's family. He wants to spend it with his own family. The alcohol might be a part of it or just a handy excuse to not upset your sister so much.
Your sister is being unreasonable for not respecting his desire to spend Christmas with his own sister and his young DNs.
Christmas with not-even-in-laws where they are all drinking and I can't have any alcohol is my idea of hell.

If that did happen then wouldn't it be best for the sister to know now that his recovery is so fragile? If he can't be around any alcohol then does that mean that if they stay together they could never attend weddings/parties etc and the only gatherings they can attend are ones where they can ask people not to drink?

I don't drink and had an ex with alcohol issues and think that this is a completely unreasonable request.
As others have said, if he actually was family and it was very early in their recovery journey that would be different, but for a new boyfriend and he's 3 years in then it's up to him to manage.

The first step in recovery is admitting that EVERYONE ELSE has a problem. Isn't that right, Alondra?

It feels more of a red flag that it’s her requesting this, not him, and he’s identified an alternative solution where they don’t spend Christmas together. TBH, your sister sounds oddly co-dependent.

Pigs in blankets and Xmas pud aren’t a need, but they are a want for many. It’s Christmas and people should be able to enjoy what they like at the one time of year when indulgence doesn’t need an excuse. Wine is bloody delicious with a big roast dinner. I would be fuming if someone wanted to remove it from the table that I had slaved all day over to make nice for everyone. Sis and bf can always go elsewhere.

Sis and BF can have a lovely dry/sober and cosy Christmas, just the two of them

I don’t drink any more as I had an alcohol problem, I do not expect anyone not to drink because of me. This may be coming from her not him, I could understand if it was early days, but it’s been 3 years. Alcohol is everywhere, she (and maybe him) are being totally unreasonable. If he can’t be around alcohol then they shouldn’t come. Their choice - you shouldn’t have to change how you spend Christmas! Stick to your guns on this one!

It’s the fact that you’ve offered a fair compromise and she’s basically said it’s her way or no way that would annoy me. Sod that.

I voted YABU for potentially forcing the remainder of the family to have Christmas dinner without wine!
If your sister's BF can't control himself then she should leave him at home.