to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

There are plenty of non alcoholic drinks available and zero alcohol drinks available. Your sister should not be making such a demand.

I don’t like turkey and it’s £££. I tend to buy massive tomahawk steaks which are also expensive but are delicious so feel worth it.

Your sister is being unreasonable, to insist after you offered a compromise. If you did humour her I'd expect the mood to be rather tense and not very enjoyable, which would be the last thing I'd want as a gf/bf of 5 months.

It's a little unusual that others' drinking on a family occasion should still be a problem after 3 years sober though.

Beef? For Christmas dinner? 😢 Dinner on the 25th should always, always be 🦃

if you truly care about your sister's boyfriend of 5 whole months you'll have a 'Shloer only!' policy. Anything else is cruel.

I thought my comment was pretty clear tbh. Its what we do when we CARE about someone else. If alcohol is more important to you than your relationships, then crack on.

How ridiculous. It’s Christmas - eat, drink and be merry. He has to slot in to YOUR lifestyle and if he finds the festive vibes too tricky then he can leave/ not go. He is a grown man.

I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic - I have a good friend who is an alcoholic and now sober. His wife still drinks around him and their wedding was certainly not booze- free.

he will be aware that Christmas is very tempting so hopefully will be doing more mindfulness etc to help him manage.

What's your point? If I "understood" alcoholism would I be more likely to say everyone should drink around them without qualms?

If they are always recovering and never cured surely that is even more reason to not drink around them.

Would not drinking around them harm them? No. Would drinking around them harm them? Possibly, if they are tempted surely.

Which post said this?

If I had been seeing someone since May and found out that they’d told their family that I am family, I’d run a mile. It’s too intense too soon.

Your sister doesn’t get to dictate that every one has a ‘dry’ Christmas just to accommodate some bloke she started seeing in May. As for her saying he’s ‘‘family” that’s bonkers after such a short time. If she doesn’t like it, she and the boyfriend can make their own arrangements. Why spoil the entire family Christmas for some Johnny come lately they barely even know!

You make it sound like the Op hasn’t offered a dry Christmas lunch - she’s extended a workable compromise and been rejected. Save your criticisms for her sister.

Not a hope I'd entertain the sister's request.

I think it’s sad if the value of the holiday is more linked to alcohol than who’s there. You’re welcome to think differently.

"She is saying her partner is family and we should all be willing to have no alcohol for him."
Family? She's only been dating him since MAY - a whole five months!

Is your sister a People Pleaser? Or the type who contorts herself to please a man? Because honestly, I find it weird of her to be calling him 'family' after such a short relationship, and deeply weird that she expects her actual family to go along with her weird take.

Nope. I don't drink much at all but I wouldn't expect someone to impose themselves on a family celebration. It's not as if you're all planning to get rat ar%@%d. If he can't cope he should accept the Christmas lunch and then go to let everyone get on.

It's as ridiculous as me going to Xmas lunch and insisting everyone eats vegetarian food because I don't eat meat. If the boyfriend's abstinence is so fragile, he needs to stay away.

Buy some no alcohol wines and bears problem solved

I think you have offered a very generous alternative. If sister wants to be there for the whole time she could, and he could just join your family for dinner. Does he not have family of his own? Where does he usually spend Christmas?
Sounds like it is sister making an issue anyway.

I voted wrong, meant to vote you’re NOT being unreasonable but doesn’t seem like I can change it. Anyway, if you do it for Christmas she will ask for every occasion. I don’t even think offering an alcohol free dinner is fair on anyone. Maybe they should join on Boxing Day for a walk, breakfast and a few games? If he is really struggling hopefully he is getting help.

Tell me you don’t understand alcoholism without telling me…

ps nobody is an ‘ex-alcoholic’. You can be in recovery, but you’re still an alcoholic.

I wouldn’t entertain this, I don’t drink much the rest of the year but quite like cracking open the champagne for Christmas breakfast having necked Santas port the night before.

Tbh even if you did she’d probably dump him and it’d be a thing where you all remember “that dry Christmas” for many years to come. We hosted a vegan Christmas for someone under similar circumstances ( who as it turned out was vegetarian but didn't eat eggs so used to say vegan, complete arse basically) 17 years ago snd still mutter about annually. Normally while slathering butter on the veg!

Completely unreasonable for her to expect this- if her partner after 3 years sober is unable to attend any event where alcohol may be present that is not everyone else's responsibility. Both my parents gave up alcohol due to dependency and never expected this from others.

When she hosts, she can have a no alcohol Xmas if she chooses.

Expecting everyone at yours to go without because of her new bf, the answer would be no. And I don't drink alcohol.

She's already slipping into codependency trying to manage his alcoholism by trying to control what other people do at their own homes.