to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

It sounds like he wants to go to his sisters in any event. Why doesn't your sis go there or spend some of Christmas apart given it is a new relationship and they are together for new year? It's a bit odd to become so enmeshed so quickly e.g. telling you he is family when it has been less than 6 months

Who said they want to drink themselves silly?

Err, no one, I just said they could IF they wanted.

Your opinion is valid.

No alcohol is too demanding.
.
Could you also offer to make an effort to have more non alcoholic drinks on hand. Mocktails, spring water and juice.
Ask your sister to bring a good selection of non alcoholic alternitives. Her bf should help choose them. Then they can discuss the issue in detail.

'Entirely unreasonable and a hard No' is perhaps a bit harsh!
But I basically agree - if (with 3 years sober already) he still finds alcohol triggering, then he is obviously still having to work very hard on his recovery.
Maybe they don't go to restaurants?

To me part of the problem is the way she has framed it. If she had said " we won't see you for christmas this year, X feels he can't be around alcohol at such a time so we will be enjoying it together" then she is not being so "entitled" about it.

If I came to your's, for three days, would you give up sugar/sweets/cake/pigs in blankets? It's the equivalent.

Alcohol addiction can't be compared to sugar withdrawal. Alcohol is a hard drug, it's poison to our bodies working insidiously without realising the damage to ourselves and people around us. I don't eat sugar, I have a piece from time to time, as long as it doesn't have sugar frosting. If you were my sister and on a diet requesting no sugar pudding, I'd be happy to help you. There are plenty of fruit desserts recipes without sugar.

I'm not British and never eaten pigs in blankets but hate sausage rolls 😁

I'm only saying what I would do, not what she should do. I've only got 5 people for Christmas dinner, 3 are lactose intolerant, 2 are diabetic, 2 are on medically advised low fat diets, 1 has IBS, 1 has IBD. Thank God we have lashings of booze 😂

you’ve offered a compromise but why should multiple people have an alcohol free christmas when they don’t want to.

Who said they want to drink themselves silly?

Maybe they just wanted a nice glass of red with their Christmas dinner and a Baileys with the King’s speech.

Most people don’t drink to get drunk.

I come from a family of sober alcoholics. They won't give you a drink in their house, but will not ask us not to drink in our own house, at a family dinner in a restaurant etc.

YANBU I think the compromise you offered is fine.

I very rarely drink and even then it would be one or two glasses of wine or a single gin and tonic. My family are the same. I still bought wine yesterday that’s intended for Christmas and it could be that the bottles are sitting unopened in the summer but it wont be because someone took my choice to have a drink away from me.

Honestly if he is close to temptation then he shouldn’t go anywhere that has alcohol until he’s able to resist. I don’t think it’s a fair request as alcohol is a part of Christmas. We are not big drinkers. In fact I rarely drink but do enjoy Christmas with Buck’s Fizz, wine and baileys. Seems a shame to disappoint everyone else by offering pop and water! It won’t be the same. The dinner is a lovely compromise. If dinner is not enough then he should celebrate it at home with his own family or girlfriend, instead of imposing his restrictions on another family.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have offered the a/f dinner.

Telling at least 7 other grown adults what they are and are not allowed to drink with the big meal of the year?

You sound like a great host OP, why would your other guests enjoyment need to be compromised?

I think you e been more than accommodating OP. It sounds as though your DSis is putting her desire to attend Christmas at your house with him over everyone else’s desire to attend and drink alcohol if they choose too.

Your sister isn’t hosting and her request is unreasonable. I’d be sympathetic with her but hold firm. It’s your Christmas and you have DC to consider too.

I think the update shows that she has more to worry about than one Christmas. It’s admirable that he’s staying sober but it’s obviously going to have a massive impact on her life and relationships if he has to avoid boozy occasions.

A friend spoke of dating an addict who had become so obsessed with recovery that he had no room for anything else and it proved impossible to continue the relationship

As a recovering alcohol addict coming up three years, if I feel I can't handle a situation with alcohol in it, it's my responsibility to either not put myself in it, or remove myself from it. I cannot, and do not, request or expect, others to change their behaviours around me. (Quite frankly, if anyone requested this on my behalf, I'd be absolutely bloody mortified - especially for Christmas!)

As previously posted, have you checked with your other guests that they don’t mind an alcohol free meal that day? As someone who loves a posh wine with Christmas dinner I’d want to know.

Although it’s probably a moot point as I think you’re making the right call overall and he won’t be joining you.

As with all CF requests, just reply: “Lol.”

Oh yes and what about if they get invited to a family wedding - should that be alcohol free too?

Do you actually even want her to bring a boyfriend of six months to your family Christmas?

That certainly isn’t my Christmas philosophy, and I wouldn’t entertain the thought of punishing myself or my immediate family to accommodate someone who is more than capable of having their own alcohol free Christmas with their own immediate family.

People on mn are so weirdly sanctimonious when you dare you say you want to have a drink. It’s not about getting roaring drunk, it’s about enjoying things - a tiramisu full of Marsala, brandy on the Xmas pudding, a well chosen wine with dinner and a glass of Buck’s Fizz in the morning - it’s cosy and comforting and warm and one person’s issue doesn’t get to stop other people from enjoying themselves.

I think it was a reasonable compromise to have an alcohol free dinner. But not the whole few days! Most people don’t drink alcohol because of work and driving, Christmas is that one time to drink! I do wonder why he cannot be around alcohol? Does he find it easy to fall off the bandwagon? My friend is an alcoholic and he hasn’t touched it in years. He can go to parties and not drink. Maybe if his resolve isn’t good, he should come for a lovely dinner then go home. As for the family comment, he isn’t family as he hasn’t known you for years nor are they married.

I think your sister having to forgo a family Christmas due to her boyfriend being an alcoholic (who’s been sober for 3 years) will be a good introduction into what life will be like going ahead if she settles down with him.