to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

No that's mad unreasonable. Several entire families have to go without for the festive period in its entirety? Many people only drink around Xmas, as a rare treat. If he was hosting then he could impose such a rule, just about. But not at someone else's home!

This bloke who's been sober three years can either accept eating and socializing in a building that contains alcohol (which obviously won't be offered to him), or he needs to go elsewhere.

Even the Pakistani/Bengali restaurants (in my city) have some non Muslims/drinkers there on Xmas day so I don't see how he thinks he can avoid booze entirely over this period unless he literally stays indoors. Or spends it in a rehab?

Nah!
If he was a veggie would you have a meat free 3 days?
Do restaurants/ Pubs stop serving alcohol when she calls them to say he’s coming?!

Be normal and have the drinks around. You could ask what he likes and get those in ready to show you’ll accommodate his likes- that’s more than fair.

Not sure why your sister thinks she can dominate the whole Christmas gathering?!

Sister is also taking it upon herself to override his wishes to go to his family as well

I think she sounds a bit desperate

I’m guessing you don’t drink. Why is wanting to have a drink at Christmas ‘toxic’ ? Not only is this a totally unreasonable request but it hasn’t even come from the boyfriend - it’s come from Dsis who has given up drinking herself. That’s her choice and foisting it on everyone else is selfish and unreasonable - exceptionally so at Christmas. If he’s a recovering alcoholic of three years then he should be able to stay sober while those around him are having a drink. I don’t think OP is talking about people getting roaring drunk here, so I don’t see a problem unless he’s not as sober as Dsis is saying. In which case they need to make alternative arrangements.

And your analogy with coeliac or allergies would only work if OP made everyone else go gluten free to accommodate him. She could easily provide food for him to eat without it affecting anyone else. His alcoholism is his to manage and if this becomes a long term relationship then this is setting a precedent. Are they supposed to stay alcohol free at every family celebration just to accommodate him ?

Or DS has had rotten luck with men and she's desperate to do anything to keep this one?

Calling a boyfriend of less than a year "family" is very odd. I genuinely came into this thread thinking the sister was the fragile addict! YANBU, and I don't understand why she won't meet you halfway.

He probably doesn't mind alcohol being served at all. He didn't personally ask for this AFAIS. It appears to me that sis is terrified he will relapse so wants temptation out of his way. Not a good sign IMO.

I'm starting to think I could have been far more demanding when I was pregnant one Christmas!

DH had reduced drinking out of solidarity during my pregnancy, but on Christmas day with all his family I wouldn't have dreamed of making him miss out on all the drinking games and forfeits! Fun as an observer too.

I might feel slightly different if sister's boyfriend was her husband of ten years but they might not even make it to valentine's day and you'll have sacrificed your normal Christmas fun!

Have you read what you wrote?

I think that’s right, @godmum56

my friend doesn’t drink at all, or take drugs, but his focus was just on his recovery. She was not slagging him, just explaining how it wasn’t a sustainable relationship. I think he’d replace the addiction with another one, albeit healthier: recovery

Missed quote

Only in your mind, not in mine.

Lots of people are sober for various reasons but they don’t get to demand everyone else around them be sober too, especially at Christmas. What a selfish prick.

Well wanting is no crime,but your sister can't expect everyone to abstain because her bf had alcohol issues. Just say no come for the meal or don't come at all.

Someone she's dated for four months is not family. I can't believe he's even invited at all!

Tell her to get a grip.

Very kind of you to offer to have a booze free Xmas lunch. I would have offered Boxing Day walk and if we liked him he could stay for lunch. Certainly not fully Christmas, and it's beyond entitled to dictate nobody drinks when he's practically a stranger.

Nope. You are inviting people to join your ‘events’. They can choose to visit or stay home. I’m not a big drinker but having a ‘no alcohol’ rule would change the dynamics.
I am very close to a recovering alcoholic and they would hate people to change their behaviour because of them.

Read it back - there was no ‘if’.

You said “It's only 48 hours and you can drink yourselves silly when they've gone“ - the implication is that that’s what they wanted.

With all respect to someone in recovery, perhaps this request would have been better coming from HIM. If he is so fragile in the alcohol department surely the best thing is to avoid situations that might trigger him, Christmas Day at yours being the obvious one. Has he asked you personally by text even, or is this initiative purely coming from your sister? He might not even want to be a part of an alcohol served day like this in the first place.

I so agree with pp, he is not as far along in his recovery as indicated.

Serve your alcohol, enjoy your day as you always did and will, and those in recovery or avoiding it, can either come along or stay home in a safe alcohol free environment.

He will have to become a WFH hermit anyway if he wants to avoid alcohol, as it is everywhere, on billboards, pub signs, restaurants, at football games, you name it. That is recovery - being able to stay sober no matter where you go.

Apart from the fact they both contain pork, a pig in blanket is nothing like a sausage roll!

She’s got a new boyfriend and has known him since May. That is not family. It’s a new boyfriend that’s knocking around. He ties in with you guys, not the other way round.

I have a few close friends that are in recovery. All of them can now be around alcohol at work events and parties. That’s part of recovery. I would be worried he’s not quite as ‘3 years sober’ as you are being led to believe if he can’t cope with a regular family Christmas.

And how many people do you know who genuinely have that sentiment uppermost in their minds at Christmas. ? Truthfully ?

Seems easiest all round if your sister joins him and his non-drinking family then. That’s way, she gets her wish to spend Xmas with her boyfriend and he gets to not be around alcohol-win/win. If your sister also wants to see her own family over Xmas, which is obviously entirely reasonable, they come to you on Boxing Day for the walk and food.

I know that some addction programs actually ban close relationships while the addict is still working on their recovery to the extent that they can't be around other people drinking.

Your sister is completely unrealistic. If her partner is going to suddenly drink alcohol because others around him are drinking then the whole relationship and his sobriety are on dodgy ground.

I also think that her partner has never requested the no alcohol rule and would probably be shocked that your sister thinks so little of him that she has actually gone around telling her family how tempted he is going to be if they drink around him.