to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

I wouldn't even call him a partner after five months, let alone family. He's just a boyfriend at this stage.

Nobody's saying they can't enjoy Christmas without alcohol. You could probably enjoy Christmas without alchohol, chocolates, cakes, pudding, etc. but you wouldn't want to..

I enjoy a glass of prosecco whilst cooking Christmas lunch. It's my tradition and I enjoy it. Does it make my relationship with alcohol questionable? No.

Why would guests have difficulty going 3 days without alcohol?

They have been going out for five minutes, he's not her fucking partner.
It is completely inappropriate for him to be invited at all, alcohol or not.

By the tone of the posts I would imagine the hair shirt has been dusted down and is now on a hanger awaiting the big day.

My husband is an alcoholic, and has been sober for over two years now. I personally would feel uncomfortable with him being around easy to access alcohol, but that is my problem and no one else's. Neither he or I would expect other people to not have or serve alcohol in their own home.

My issues come from him falling off the wagon before, although he has never been sober for this long. Trust takes a long time to earn back.

Your sister sounds very full on OP. It's odd that she won't accept the Christmas lunch compromise.

Has she been invited to the new boyfriend's sister's for Christmas?

This would concern me tbh. He can’t be around alcohol and appears to potentially have replaced one addiction with another.

OP said quite clearly she doesn’t drink much. I’ve only ever come across this prudish attitude towards alcohol on MN - where if you drink more than a thimbleful of sherry once a month you must be a raging alcoholic. I don’t think the average Joe would find it difficult to get through Christmas Day without alcohol but why would they want to if there’s no good reason ?

She said she didn't drink much herself but didn't want to tell other guests what they could drink and ban it outright for three days. How is that an addiction?

If his sobriety is so fragile that he can't be around people drinking for a couple of days over Christmas then he might need some more help with that.
But besides that, no matter how close they are, he is not family after 7 months.
It's only been 5 months now.. I know sometimes you just know, but this is early in a relationship to be asking people to be changing their tradition going forward, because it's not just this year is it? If they stay together it's sober when she's hosting, then asking you for no alcohol again.

Also, if he's now her family she can go to his family on the years you host and she can host alcohol free when it's her turn. But what's going to happen a few years down the line when his family doesn't have young children?

She can't expect him not to see his family at all at Christmas if you usually alternate, and she wants him with her every year, although perhaps they'd be invited when your sister hosts.

To answer the question though, YANBU. Your sister is - it's not reasonable to ask a group of adults to all stay sober over Christmas, every Christmas, when they don't usually, and they all enjoy a drink. Not just for the sake of someone who has managed to stay sober for 3 years already.
In her/their home, sure, ban alcohol - though if its part of your family's tradition she might find it's the year the tradition ends - but in someone else's home, no.
What if you have several bottles of wines or spirits from throughout the year? Would she expect it all to be tipped down the sink because she thinks her boyfriend can't handle being around alcohol?
Not only unreasonable, but probably unrealistic in the UK, and I say that as someone who only drinks a few times a year

Exactly this.

His sobriety is his own to manage - if he is still going to be so triggered by other people having a drink then he needs to stay at home and work his recovery a bit more.

Part of recovery is getting to the stage where you are able to be around people who are drinking without being triggered. Yes, it's very hard work for the recovering addict, especially at the beginning of getting sober, but honestly if your recovery is so fragile that you are asking whole families to change their plans for you, then all advice would be for you to just stay at home.

Is it your sister who made this request?
If yes, does she think she is being helpful?
If this request is from her, she is becoming co-dependant.

If this is coming from her, she needs to realise she can't control people, places or things around him. He has to be 100% responsible for his own sobriety otherwise I guarantee it won't last. She cannot "rescue" this man from all situations.

If the request is from him, he has a real cheek. He needs to stay at home if he feels he will be tempted/triggered.

@ChristmasDrinking Please don't change your plans - assuming you are just having a normal family Christmas and no one else is at risk of developing issues.

Projecting?

Is your DSis genuinely claiming, that because of her new bf, she will never go to the theatre, a pub, a supermarket, a comedy club, a bar, an airport lounge, a plane, a hotel etc?

Because that sounds like a horribly restrictive way to live.

And if she’s not saying that, if she does continue to go, with him, to places that sell, serve and where people consume alcohol, why is coming to your house a problem?

id be suggesting that maybe she doesn’t trust him and his ability to stay alcohol free rather than a whole family not drink. Your house your rules I’d say

I’m a bit concerned about your comprehension skills. The OP said she’s not really bothered as she doesn’t drink much. How on earth did you come to the conclusion that she may have an addiction based on that? 🤭

I'm wondering if he just doesn't want to spend Christmas with her family and she has got the wrong end of the stick.

Your family Christmas should be no different to every other year just because one person has a alcohol problem your sister asking for her partner is completely out of order your sister should make alternative arrangements with her partner for Christmas

Omg it’s not about whether or not the op can “get through” a Christmas Day without drinking - most of us could do that. It’s that she wants to enjoy her Christmas in the way that she wants to enjoy it!

You offered a good compromise OP. This is his problem, and he needs to deal with that.

The Update shows it’s not him, it’s the sister making the request, he doesn’t even want to go to the @ChristmasDrinking ‘s !

If I were them and I felt uncomfortable around alcohol perhaps due to relapse or whatever, I’d just bow out. No way would I expect folks to abstain on my account.

But that's exactly what he's proposing to do. He wants to go to his sister's where there will be no booze because of her children. It's OP's sister who doesn't want him to do that and is trying to make Christmas alcohol free so that she can persuade him to come and play happy families. It's the sister who's expecting everyone to abstain, not him.

You think the OP has alcohol addiction because they want to drink at Christmas?

They're willing not to drink during their Christmas lunch, that's more give than most would.

I don't have a drinking problem, but I certainly wouldn't let someone stop me from having a couple of drinks this coming Christmas!

I say that as someone who was pregnant during Christmas with DD, and breastfed a newborn with DS last Christmas. And did not drink a drop during either pregnancies.

People are entitled to spend their Christmas how they bloody want to. For most grow ups who have worked all year it is possibly the only guaranteed time that OP's family are altogether each year particularly with adult children.

I was going to say I thought this could be accommodated for one day but I think expecting no alcohol for three days is unreasonable.

Also do you want her partner there all that time?

I think she's being unreasonable to expect to bring him for more than Christmas dinner to be honest. He has his sister to visit - maybe they could invite your sister too and that would solve the problem altogether!

No. He can get stuffed.