to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

I bet he would be mortified if he thought she asked this.

Well yes then, me and my family having the choice to drink alcohol in our own home on Christmas Day would be more important to me than my sister’s new boyfriend of 3 months.

Imagine telling your adult children and their partners that they couldn’t enjoy a glass or 10 on Christmas Day because of their aunt’s new boyfriend of 3 months 😂

He could go and ruin someone else’s Christmas Day.

No she's prioritising her desire to bring her new BF to the family Christmas- he's already said he'd rather see his own family, This is about her, not him.

Because the sister is prioritising a relationship with someone she cares about over drinking alcohol.

Erm no way this is totally unreasonable id be surprised if he knew she had said this to you.
There will be many times in a sober person's life where they have to put what they've learnt in action im sure he has gone through group therapies etc.
Temptations are there always .
If he is giving into temptations because other people are drinking then he will have ways of dealing with that or give into temptation thats on him.. the rest of your family are not responsible for someone else's actions .. tell your sister to get a grip .

Of course it’s about alcohol being more important.

If I "understood" alcoholism would I be more likely to say everyone should drink around them without qualms?

Yes. Because his alcoholism is for him to manage, not everyone else. It’s called personal responsibility. Alcohol is everywhere and part of recovery is being comfortable with others drinking alcohol in your presence.

Personally I think Dsis is the one with the problem - she’s trying to gaslight him into attending her own family’s Christmas celebration when it’s quite clear he would rather be with his own family, who don’t drink, rather than having attention drawn to him by banning alcohol for a whole host of people over Christmas.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t have a drink. I certainly will. But to think that’s more important than having family there seems like strange priorities.

The OP has adult children, whose friends are coming on Christmas Eve. Presumably they are hoping for a good rime with a few drinks - and aren’t particularly close to their friend’s aunt’s new boyfriend of a few months? What if the OP loses the company of her kids and their friends as a result of imposing a “no booze on Christmas Eve” rule?

I might well agree with this if we were talking about an elderly, much loved aunt, for example.

A boyfriend of 5 months? Not so much

Most people have said that they wouldn't want to have Xmas w/o alcohol. That is very different to people saying they can't, so you are wrong to say the majority have a bad relationship with alcohol.

If he was coeliac or had an allergy she would like likely adjust the menu FOR HIM. Not ban everybody else from eating items he is allergic too / cannot tolerate.

She is not forcing him to drink alcohol so your comparison does not hold.

Same, can't stand it x

That sounds perfect!

Turkey is horrible. I haven't had it at Christmas since I was a child. I tried to cook it one year for my children, a beautiful free range expensive one with all the basting instructions carefully followed. Still hated it.

So what about everyone else? OP has already offered a dry Christmas lunch. Making it a completely dry Christmas for one person is unreasonable.

😂 Clearly you aren’t Irish, or French.

Yes I would (but tbh I don't think I know anyone who'd decline being with their family and friends because it was a dry event so it's easy for me to say).

If he is 3 years sober he will have been in situations where alcohol is served and yet he remains 3 years sober. What a shame your sister is being so unsupportive in believing he won't be able to remain sober!

My father was an alcoholic who went sober and not once expected other people to not drink in his presence nor did he suddenly start drinking again just because alcohol was present and available. Why does your sister believe her bf would?

Now that it's just me and dh at Christmas we now have fillet steak with roasted veg, salad, chips and baby boiled potatoes. So relaxing and miminal clearing up.

Your sister is being massively unreasonable here.

For a close relative, who I loved, I would do it.
For a random who someone has been with for 6 months.. nope.
I don’t drink much these days, but a few m&s cocktail cans whilst cooking and a glass of fizz at dinner is something I love.

It's OP's sister's idea. Her boyfriend has told her that he is spending Christmas with his sister and her family as they won't be drinking as they have small children.

He didn't invite OP's sister to join them so her sister is now demanding that OP invites him for an alcohol-free Christmas and OP's offer of a Christmas dinner without alcohol has been rejected by her sister as she expects all three days to be alcohol-free.

I’m sure the OP would much rather spend Christmas Day with her adult children and their partners, over her sister and her partner.

I would imagine the OP’s children still very much view her home as theirs. I wonder how complaint they would be with having a dry Christmas imposed on them. Not very, is my guess.

What about other guests? I know a lot of people who would politely decline a dry Christmas. The champagne on Christmas morning, the brandy by the fire. Even my non drinking g great grandmother used to love a glass on port on Christmas Eve.

I would struggle to change so many people’s experience and enjoyment of Christmas to suit one person, particularly someone who is a practical stranger. Would you be okay with not seeing other family members on Christmas to comply with this request?

3 Years sober? He's not in recovery if being around alcohol is this big an issue.