Ultimate Betrayal

There are much worse ways to betray someone, OP. 🤷‍♀️

Just put it down to experience, and a bad photo day. The graduation ceremony will be forgotten about by everyone very soon. She’s got her degree, and that’s all that really matters.

Most grads just have a solo photo of themselves with the gown etc on.

You need to get over yourself.

how did you not manage to get your kids out in time? Would your wife have managed it you were the one graduating?

You are making it all about you. It isn't about you, it is about your wife. What was she supposed to do with the photographs? sadface because you can't handle getting out of the house wtih 2 kids? Or take the best photos she can.

Why were they hungry at that time? didn't you pack snacks and activities? Do you usually leave all this to your wife?

"ultimate betrayal" is very strong language for this incident. Are you worried that you might now have to step up and do your share of family life?

my bad for replying to the OP.

have now read OPs posts. Why couldn't you get up at 5am for one thing? Tbh it is the thing that is annoying me most about this whole scenario is getting up so late and not being ready.

Jeez I could not live like this. My DH got his OU degree when we had small children and it was irrelevant to them (and me really). The idea that we’d have dragged them through the nine circles of hell just to immortalise the day he got handed a certificate is laughable.

I don’t care about the gender reverse, you are both ridiculous to think that a photo of him standing with his cap and gown and four snotty crying kids was worth taking.

Eh?!? Everyone has kept the same opinion - that the op is completely in the wrong - regardless of their sex.

Poor planning. That’s all.

Has it revealed a gender bias? My only response to the reveal was thinking that being so badly organised and petulant is less common in mothers of young children than in fathers whose minds are on other things such as work or study . It felt to me more like a made up story. Apologies OP if it's real.

Only as it turns out, this petulant twat actually had one 🤣

This thread is 🦇 💩 crazy. Now we have the Scooby Doo reveal 🙄…

OP you are coming across as a bit immature and nuts.

Wow you begrudge her taking a family photo with her family.. on HER graduation day. As long as she took photos with you too, in which she did, I don't see a problem with it.

Ede and Ravenscroft are the gown hiring company. You can hire a gown anytime. You can hire a local photographer with a studio for a time where everyone has been fed/ napped/ got a clean top on. Have photos done if you want them. You can't chsnge what happened on the day. You can change the photo.
P.s. My father graduated in the 60s as a married, mature student with three children under 5. My mums parents looked after us and mum went into the graduation ceremony. I'm crying in all the photos because I hated it when someone pointed a camera at me and expected me to smile. I did it as a 4 year old bridesmaid too. Children pick up on stress. Perfect families only appear on Instagram. In real life they're a bit messy

@Mufasa1992 you already know you're being a petulant twat, and you have ruined what should have been a fantastic day to remember after so much hard work. Apologise profusely, try to make it up, and stop being so unpleasant about your financial outlay, love should not be transactional. Also, get the photos and have someone photoshop them together so you have a big group photo and the kids are smiling.

If this is all you have to worry about you need to get a grip. Why the whole family had to go in the first place when you couldn’t even be there for the ceremony! Also you left late. If it was so important you’d have made more effort.

Ignoring the gender bias exposure for a moment,

only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

No commercial photographer restricts purchases like this. Either your partner is lying or the photographer is an idiot, or perhaps there was a pre paid package with only one included in the package. If you contact them I'm sure they will sell you the others.

So much drama over a graduation. If you want family photos, book a photographer and go somewhere more relaxed. One that is good with children and not trying to get as many graduates photographed one after the other.

You could call it mumsnet bias or you could call the reflection of the enormous disparity in equality in relationships.
This just mostly reflects which gender is almost always the victim of emotional, financial abuse, work load imbalance and domestic violence in relationships.
Hint its mostly women.
So actually what should be "intereting" to you is not this mumsnet bias aa you see it, but the mumsnet protective reflex when it comes to women being taken advantage of.

Think about that and Then maybe you can help make the world a better more equal place.

It does sound like a thoughtless recurring pattern. Discuss this with your wife when you are calmer.

As for the graduation. I missed my eldest sons because we had a one year old, similar length journey and I knew it would end in tears all round so stayed at home.

Except it's a reverse, and she didn't.

It's the best mumset gender bias thread reveal I've seen for a long time on here.

Yeah, husbands dodge a bullet there.

Obviously now you know it's a reverse, you won't be changing your opinion as it's the same scenario.

I think you've messed up by attaching this meaning to your husband's graduation @Mufasa1992 . I think it was a really bad idea to have the kids there, or to hang everything on things going a very specific way with 4 young children.

I think you probably owe him an apology for putting such a dampener and unnecessary pressure on the day.

I totally hear what you are saying about holding the fort and your part in making it possible, but it was the wrong occasion.

I also recognise the wish for his parents to show some appreciation for how you have supported him, but i think you're flogging a dead horse with that. They were probably thinking of the ways they have supported him throughout his life and likely a bit cross with you for the way the day played out.

As always, bad planning bites you in the arse! You should have :

A) Got your or his parents, or soemone else to babysit and you both go for the whole thing
or
B) Book a hotel near the Venue, so you can walk or get short uber ride there

The whole thing could have been stress free, with better planning. I certainly wouldn't take the shine off his day, which you are by calling this the "unlimate betrayal"!

Up at 6 🙄 Hardly the crack of dawn. And that means it took you THREE HOURS to get the kids fed, ready and out the door? Also, you should have left adequate time in the planning to take into account parking issues. It's a rare special event and you couldn't even be bothered to plan for very very predictable potential issues? Young kids being hungry, and parking issues at a busy event are hardly things that you could never have imagined - they are very very obvious and likely situations that most people plan for.

I can't believe you said she 'stabbed you in the back' for taking a photo. I am so annoyed on behalf of your poor wife. If you're behaving so unreasonably now, over something that was basically 100% your fault, then I can only imagine what you're like the rest of the time!

Also, I BET you have totally spoiled and taken the shine off her acheivement/special day, but making her graduation ALL about you. So unbelievably selfish and irritating.

Is this how you react when she comes to you to bring up a concern? Maid it all about you and how ‘shit l’ you are instead of addressing the issue?